It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....

Family & Friends of Addicts and Alcoholics Message Board

  • Brother alcoholic and now has cancer

  • Post New Thread   Closed Thread
    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Old 10-05-2009, 04:06 AM   #1
    Join Date: Oct 2009
    Location: United Kingdom
    Posts: 1
    LorenG HB User
    Unhappy Brother alcoholic and now has cancer

    My brother has a huge drinking problem and has had for about 3 years we as a family were not aware how bad it was until 2 years ago when he arrived on my sisters doorstep in South Africa from Mozambique. My sister had him admitted as he hadnt eaten in 3 months and looked like a skeleton. He tried to find a job but could not and things go worse and worse with him eventually going to stay with my mother and stepfathe where he was diagnosed with mouth cancer in February. To cut a long story short he was operated on huge op 13 hours long with 12 surgeons. He was told he would not speak and that he would be in hospital for at least 3 months. He was discharged not even ten days after the op and can talk (they removed 1/3 of his tongue) it was a miracle. He then after all this continued to drink and smoke and the cancer has now come back 3 months after the operation. The last 3 weeks have been hell as he developed a hole under his chin where he has this stuff gushing out all the time and he smelt like a corpse. He was finally admitted into hospital on Thursday. Now is Monday and he spent the weekend leaving the hospital and drinking. We are not sure but we think they are going to operate today. Its very difficult to know what to do as we are dealing with an alcholic and somebody who has cancer. What do we do? Leave him and let him end up on the street. He does not seem to care if he lives or dies. Anybody been through this do you have advice anything???

    Sponsors Lightbulb
    Old 10-07-2009, 11:39 PM   #2
    Join Date: Sep 2009
    Posts: 243
    SoWendy HB User
    Re: Brother alcoholic and now has cancer

    Hi there. I am a 42 year old woman in Australia. I have Bipolar Disorder and Panic and Anxiety Disorders and I am also a 10 years sober alcoholic in AA. I also had a violent, abusive, neglectful father who drank himself to death at 51 and then Mum married another alcoholic, mt Stepfather. Most of Dad's family have drunk themselves to death and there are many on Mum's side too. I have seen, many times over (including in myself) the insanity of alcoholic drinking. It is truly beyond belief unless you experience it in your own family.

    My thoughts on this situtation are this. you can't make your brother get sober. Only he can do that and I have met many people in AA with other severe illnesses who have gotten sober and stayed sober - maybe it's too late for your brother, I don't know.

    But the person you change change is YOU. I'm not saying you've done anything wrong, I'm talking about YOUR RIGHT to peace and happiness despite someone you love holding firm to a path of destruction.

    My Mum got to Alanon, the sister fellowship to AA. She got stuck into it and did the work they suggested and SHE CHANGED - from one person into another, peaceful, self assurred and a contributor to society. I then got to AA and we were to improve our relationship beyond belief. She passed two years ago.

    You could check whether there are Alanon meetings where you live. If not, you could contact Alanon World Service in the US and you could get thge Alanon Literature sent to you and I'm sure get online support. It could really change your life - and that is not dependent on whether your brother get sober, stays drinking or even passes away. I wish you well.


    Closed Thread

    Related Topics
    Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
    21 yr old Brother just diagnosed sh 08 Cancer: Prostate 5 12-01-2009 02:54 AM
    Frustrated with alcoholic brother and his doctor ripples57 Family & Friends of Addicts and Alcoholics 6 07-17-2009 11:41 AM
    My brother may have liver cancer, does doctor have to tell him? sunnyrise Cancer: Pancreatic & Liver 14 04-08-2009 03:57 PM
    Brother in a Downward Spiral, Don't Know What to Do... cmpgirl Family & Friends of Addicts and Alcoholics 33 09-17-2008 08:05 AM
    Surprise! Kidney Cancer turned my brother to a dead man walking Ridesthewind Cancer: Kidney 7 08-06-2008 10:12 AM
    My brother's PSA results.. mtl63 Cancer: Prostate 2 01-04-2008 06:45 PM
    Update on my Brother Marirose Family & Friends of Addicts and Alcoholics 3 08-09-2006 05:18 AM

    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Search this Thread:

    Advanced Search

    Posting Rules
    You may not post new threads
    You may not post replies
    You may not post attachments
    You may not edit your posts

    BB code is On
    Smilies are On
    [IMG] code is On
    HTML code is Off
    Trackbacks are Off
    Pingbacks are Off
    Refbacks are Off

    Sign Up Today!

    Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

    I want my free account

    All times are GMT -7. The time now is 01:45 PM.

    2019 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
    Do not copy or redistribute in any form!