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Need advice with marriage please...

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Old 05-30-2010, 08:25 AM   #1
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 1
mistresslaynah HB User
Need advice with marriage please...

Hi, I am 26 and have been married to my husband for over 7 years, we have a 5 and 6 year old together. My husband has been psychologically addicted to pot for the course of our marriage, and really from the age of 13. He has been through relapse several times, and each time it takes a bit of my heart dealing with him. We have been to counseling and still actively go, yet he lies to the counselor too. Well, he was clean for about 9 months and then started using again, he was lying about his whereabouts and money that he would spend. I truly can't trust anything that he tells me. I don't have any friends to talk to about it.. so basically I told him I was leaving, I wasn't going to divorce him, but I was taking the kids and I was moving out until he could get his sh*t together. I am a full time student, a homemaker, and I homeschool my kids. He was mad at first but then started crying, and said he should move out, but then was begging to stay. I REALLY want our relationship to work, the kids adore him, but I cannot live with a man who puts a substance before us. I would rather live in peace with God and my children then to deal with this constantly. He smokes before work, after work and so on. I cannot deal with it anymore. I love him but knew I needed to take a tough love approach. The question needed is this, how often should I allow him to come over? I don't want him to feel freedom to do as he pleases apart from me and come here expecting the same life. I know that I need some boundaries, but what does this look like? I know it is down to him to change his life and I believe he wants to, but I need advice on safeguards I can put in place. Faith is very important to us, and I am relying on the Lord for my strength, but advice from any people that have been in this situation would be really helpful. It is so hard not to question his whereabouts or where he is spending some of his money, but I haven't been, again, this change should be up to him. Should I set a date where a legal separation would occur for good if he isn't doing something to change? Please help, thanks.

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