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Some understanding....

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Old 09-22-2012, 06:37 AM   #1
Join Date: Sep 2012
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Islamirha HB User
Question Some understanding....

This is my first post here so sorry if it's too vague or too detailed. I'm looking for answers or just advice I guess. My husband drinks every night. I think usually he only has 4-5 beefs a night. Sometimes more sometimes less. The only reason he has less is because he's on an SR-22 and if he runs out he can't go get more and I refuse to get it for him. Sometimes he will have some gin or crown in addition to or maybe in lieu of the beer but he almost always has alcohol after work. I think this is a problem he doesn't. We both drink on the weekends... Sometimes we both go overboard, the difference being that he "needs" it and i can walk away anytime. So i font understand him snd the drinking every night disgusts me. It makes me feel less love for him, it makes me mad. He says research has shown that a couple of glasses of redwine or beers a night are healthy. He's right... I've read it too. So the problem is this... We have other issues too so I feel like a babysitter all the time because I have to drive if we wanna go anywhere, or if we made plans I always have to drive. Once he is able to drive I keep thinking he will cut back but he likes it so much I just don't see it happening. My problem is this... I know I'm not going to change him. But is my own sanity worth staying here when I feel like I have to sleep with an irresponsible 14 year old, and take care of his kid, and drive him everywhere, and I always HAVE to be the sober one? I would usually be sober anyway, but his drinking all the time makes me feel like one of should grow up and be an adult and take care of the family. My mind and my gut tell me to just leave, but my heart still sees the nice person I married or at least who I thiughg I married.

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Phoenix (09-28-2012)
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Old 09-23-2012, 03:35 PM   #2
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Re: Some understanding....

Hi Islamirha

Welcome. :-)

Friend, the first thing I would suggest to you is that you attend an Ala-non meeting. You need some live support here! At AlAnon, there will be others in the exact same position as you and who can offer not only comfort, but a lot of wisdom in dealing with someone who is abusing liquor.

I think if I were in your position I would ask myself, "Is it worth giving up my life for his?" I understand the bond of love you have for him. It can make the decision to stay or go a tough one. However, we have to set up boundaries with an alcoholic in order to help. Whatever boundaries we set, we have to be strong enough to truly abide by them. I didn't see any boundaries on your part, just upset with him. He doesn't seem to be paying any real consequences, so why stop? Nagging at him will just give him an excuse to drink more.

I wish you well and really hope you will seek out AlAnon or a social worker who can help guide you. Of course, stay in touch with us here on nthe board also. :-)

With hope and caring

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Phoenix (09-28-2012)
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