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alcohol relapse

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Old 09-22-2001, 12:32 PM   #1
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aideen HB User
Post alcohol relapse

Hi, I'm new to this message board and was wondering is there anyone out there who is in recovery from alcohol,has relapsed but since maintained soberity again? If you could advise me on what support you found worked best from your partner in achieving this...I have currently taken a month's 'break' from my boyfriend. He relapsed just recently but his behaviour really changed about 5-6 weeks beforehand. I had to stop myself from getting hurt further by removing myself from the relationship. I don't give up on us yet but know that my behaviour is also important to make it work. Can anyone give me some advice? I've been reading a lot of books and understand a lot about alcohol addiction. Really I'm looking for some positive motivation that will help me not to feel guilty about taking time for myself andd to feel there is hope for the future. Thanks,e

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Old 09-22-2001, 07:08 PM   #2
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jroeglin HB User

You should not feel guilty at all. In order for you to help him, you need to understand what he is going through, and you need to understand your reactions to it. I am also living with an addicted boyfriend. It isn't alcohol, but whatever the addiction, the feelings are the same. I am a firm believer that you can love somebody to death, but you can't make decisions for them. They have to want to change. And, where does it say that you have to suffer in a relationship? As much as you love somebody, you are still #1. I told my boyfriend that if he didn't get help for himself, I would leave. He's trying now, so we'll see. But, if things don't change, I have to take care of myself too. You can't help him until you take care of yourself. Good luck to you, and I hope that you two can work it out. But like I said, Do Not Feel Guilty! Staying around and fighting all the time, or having bitter feeling toward him isn't healthy, and isn't going to help him at all. Good luck!

Old 09-22-2001, 07:53 PM   #3
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mab HB User

Good for you! You have given him a message loud and clear that you will not tolerate his drinking. This is the best thing that you could have done for him and for you.

Old 09-23-2001, 07:34 AM   #4
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LeeEllen HB User

Hi - Leave the guilt on the doorstep. It isn't appropriate.

Anytime anyone threatens anyone else, whether they're drunk or not, it's time to get out. You cannot change this man regardless of what you do. If that was possible, I would have gotten sober long before 1993.

Get yourself to an Al-Anon meeting. It's for family/friends of an alcoholic/addict. They'll give you the tools you need to keep from enabling your b/f. They'll show you how to have a life without giving it to him, without losing yourself.

Re-think this relationship. Please. God Bless. Peace, Lee

Old 09-24-2001, 12:29 PM   #5
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aideen HB User

Thanks to you who have taken time to write. I know, I'm right in taking this break and each day I feel stronger about my decision. It still always helps to get support from others who understand the situation as few really do. I feel already a lot more positive about myself and being independent and am (secretly) grinning inside at myself and what I'm managing to do. Just started new job today too though found it 'strange' that my boyfriend doesn't even know yet! Though he has been bad recently, ironically it was him who first taught me to appreciate myself more. He has also enabled me to be strong for myself and by valuing myself more, I can also help him...I do believe, eventually he will be able to maintain soberity but I know, it's still a lot of hard work...but I love him. Anyway, thanks for your support.

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