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    Old 04-11-2002, 07:49 PM   #1
    Join Date: Apr 2002
    Location: Dallas, Pa USa
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    Andrya HB User
    Unhappy My Mothers a depressed alcoholic

    Well, this is the first time i ever posted my problem...or my mother's problem.She is an alcoholic and suffers from depression.I love her to death, but can't stand her for all that she has done.All my childhood memories consist of her drunken holidays, birthdays, or every other day. Now i am only 20 and am raising her kids and taking care of her house. She's in rehab for the 2nd time and I wonder if its even worth it. I wish she'd just leave so my fatherand my siblings could stop hurting every day.I resent her for not stopping her drinking...I don't understand how selfish she can be. Everyday I just wish for a normal life..Just once I would like to be a kid and enjoy life..not always having to worry about her, or pick up after her..the only problem is every time she says she will stop i believe her. Now I think that she has some type of mental disorder. This time in rehab she is different, almost like she's flipped her lid. Why has she given up on all of us? What can I do...Should I just let her go? If this continues I'm afraid I'll go crazy..I'm filled with so much rage and anger for her, and she's my mother.

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    Old 04-13-2002, 02:37 PM   #2
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    Location: uk, england
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    bert1 HB User

    it does sound like your mother is depressed and dont think that shes giving up on you becouse shes not its just her way of letting out her anger.
    iv been a drinker for the last 3 yrs and its been 6 days ago that i had my last drink, im trying my best to over come this.
    also drinking makes depression worse, how long has your mother been drinking?
    hows she getting on being in rehab?
    i turned to drinking becouse i was very depressed, i ended up having a brake down and i wouldnt go out the house i just wanted to sit in the house alday and drink.
    now im getting on with every day life and takeing it one step at a time.
    why dont you try and help your mother get over this, you only have one mum and i know that i wouldnt give up on mine, becouse she would never give up on me.

    dont forget we are here for you.

    with love

    Old 04-13-2002, 04:01 PM   #3
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    Squirrel-1 HB User

    Reading your post made me very sad. I am an addict in recovery. I was addicted for 17 some years. I have a 22 year old son and a 12 year old son that have lived though my addiction. You must remember that addiction is cunning, powerful, and baffling. I remember myself in your post. Your mother is very sick. She suffers from the disease of addiction. I loved my children very much but, the drugs and alcohol had got a hold of my mind and I was lost. I felt tremendous guilt and then I would sit in that feeling and I would use again. I was so far gone that nothing was more important to me than drugs and alcohol. I started suffering mental problems and eventually ended up having a nervous breakdown. That was the beginning of the end of my addiction. I know that it is hard to think that your mother is not selfish but she is sick. Do you think if she had a choice she would put herself in this pain? Do you really think that if she had a choice she would do this to you? The disease of addiction is extremely powerful. I can bet your mother hates herself for what she is doing. The hate she has overwhelms and then we uses again. I would suggest that you try contacting Al-anon, it is an organization that offers support and suggestions for friends and family of that addicts that still suffers. It will give you the tools to take your life back. We as addicts love to sit in self pity and we love to take hostages to sit there with us. At Al-anon who will meet children, mothers, sister,.....that are all going though the same thing as you. I have now been clean for a while and I am just starting to get the love and trust back from the people that loved me. Why would we hurt the people we love the most if we were not sick? The only thing I can do is too stay clean. I can tell you that my addiction is like a little hungry monkey that sits on my shoulder and whispers to me. If I feed that monkey it grows and grows. Finally that little monkey turns into a three hundred pound gorilla and mark my words that gorilla wants nothing more than to kill me. I live with the guilt of what I did to my friends, family and boyfriend every day. I was very sick and at that point the addiction had consumed my very soul. I hope that this gives you a little bit of understanding from the other side. If I can offer you any understanding of the addiction please feel free to ask. God Bless and Good Luck

    Old 04-15-2002, 09:23 AM   #4
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    Capri38 HB User

    Your letter really touched my heart. I knew that one day if I did not get help for my drinking, that one of my own children would be writing a letter like that.
    I too, suffer from depression and can tell you first hand that alcohol exacerbates the depression 100% and then some! I love my children immensely, but not even that love could make me stop drinking. I didn't give up on them, but gave up on myself. I also hated myself for drinking, because I had a Jeckle and Hyde personality while drinking. I was a mean drunk, totally opposite of my normally docile personality, but at least I can say I never was verbally or physically abusive to my children, only my husband since I blamed my drinking on my husband and failing marriage.
    It took the 3rd try of treatment to sober up, and learn how to deal with my problems without drinking. I had to reduce the stress in my life that made me want to drink, so I left my husband 10 months ago. That was one of the best things I've ever done for myself.

    I know your mother loves you very much, she is just too sick to show you that right now. She has to learn to love herself again, sober. Please do not give up on her, but concentrate on all the new and happy memories you will create with her in her sobriety. The more love and support she receives from her family during her recovery, the more she will want it for herself.

    Old 04-15-2002, 10:26 AM   #5
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    bert1 HB User

    Hi Andrya,

    Jusy wanted to know how things are going on with your mother?

    with love

    Old 04-16-2002, 07:57 AM   #6
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    OssyKitty HB User

    Hi Andrya,

    My name is Shelly and I can really relate to the anger you are experiencing. Living with an active alcoholic is very frustrating. Why couldn't he see what he was doing to his family? Then I started going to Al-Anon and I learned a few things. One of the first things I learned is that I wasn't alone. Abuse and denial thrive in secret and I had kept the secret for so long. But I don't have to anymore. I can talk about my feelings, my fears, my frustrations in Al-Anon.

    I also learned that alcoholism is a disease. It is an allergy of the body. Their bodies process alcohol differently then ours. Once they have had one drink, the allergy kicks in and they cannot stop. It is an obsession of the mind. When they arenít drinking they are thinking about drinking. When will they be able to drink again, where they will get it, how can they drink without getting caught or in trouble. It is a malady of the spirit. As the disease progresses, they begin to do things they know are wrong in order to satisfy the allergy and obsession. Then they feel quilty. The only way they can continue to drink is to turn off their conscience. They blame others for their problems, they lie about drinking and they loose conscience contact with God. There is no cure for alcoholism, but it can be arrested by complete abstinence. There are many programs available to help the alcoholic one of the most successful ones is AA.

    The disease affects us in much the same way. We donít have the time or inclination to take care of ourselves physically. We donít eat right or get enough sleep, we donít laugh or play anymore. It is our obsession. When they are not drinking we are thinking about their drinking. When will they drink next, how much money will they spend, will they end up in jail or worse hurting someone else. It is our malady of spirit. We often pray they will come home safe and sober. And even though they come home safe they are seldom sober. Somehow God hasnít gotten it right. We are often blamed for all that is wrong in life and we begin to think we are not worthy of an answer to our prayers. We have trusted untrustworthy people and in our distorted thinking, we see God as a harsh judge and begin to distrust Him as well. There is no cure for alcoholism, but we can recover from the affects of the disease. There are many programs available to help us, one of the most successful ones is Al-Anon.

    In Al-Anon I learned to take care of myself physically, emotionally and spiritually. When I am well rested and healthy I am better able to cope with whatever comes my way. By going to meetings, sharing with my sponsor and working with newcomers I have learned to keep the focus on myself, not on the alcoholic and this feeds my emotional health. And by working the steps (even the God steps) I have learned the worth of true humility. True humility says that I am no better then others, but I am no less either and gives me permission to take care of myself. It is a position of strength. This is how I deal with the problems, frustrations, hurt and anger of living with alcoholism.

    You can find Al-Anon in the phone book. I hope you will chose to join us, this program has changed my life. Thank you for letting me share this really long post.

    Keep coming back,

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