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    Old 03-16-2002, 09:43 AM   #1
    Tuaca64
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    Red face Curious about Herion effects in a relationship

    I'm in a relationship with a herion addict that is coming to an end. In the last year I've learned so much about herion and the behaviors, it makes me sick and bitter. But, there a some unanswered questions that I feel I need to know. For instance, as far as love and intimacy, we hardly had that, because he said, he doesn't have the desires. Once in awhile it happens, maybe because he's only trying to make me happy. And, that's only maybe once a month if that. When he's asleep he's always making moaning sounds and body jerks. I'm thinking maybe he's fantasizing or dreaming about doing it with someone else all the time. I asked him, and he says no, but I don't believe him anymore. I heard how herion makes people feel like they are in a dream state, and it releases endorphins, and the effects are like ecstasy.
    Can anyone help me figure this out or end my curiousity?

     
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    Old 03-16-2002, 11:54 AM   #2
    Squirrel-1
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    I am an addict in recovery. I was addicted to Heroin for awhile. I can give you some insight based on my personal experience. I did not have any sexual urge. You are in a state of euphoria but, it is not a sexual feeling. Heroin is an opiate. It puts you in a dream like state and you just want to ive in it and feel it. Sex would have to take you away from the feeling that you are in and it wrecks the moment.It makes you fee warm and sleepy, numb. Sex was never ever in my mind and I ended up losing my boyfriend at the time as I did not have any desire. Nor, did I have any desire to sleep with any one. I believe this is a common theme with addicts.I am not condoning drug use by any means and I went through hell living that life. The jerking moments in his sleep if anything is the drug dreams. Addicts put thier drugs above everything.I myself entered a 10 detox center, I then entered a recovery home where a person can stay for anywhere from 6 weeks to 9 months to learn how to live again without the aid of drugs. I now go to N.A., A.A., meetings to llisten to people share thier strength, hope and faith. Before you make any decisions try contacting Al-anon or Nar-anon. They are orginizations that give suggestions and support to friends and family of people who deal with the addict that still suffers. we as addicts are sick, we have a disease just like cancer, the difference is we also have the disease of denial which keeps us in our addiction. Good Luck and God Bless
    Please read something that was wrote about addicts that had come into recovery:
    Now that we're free from our addictions, iving life one day ata a time, we can begin to stop making unreasonable demands upon those we love. We can show kindness where we had shown none, we can take the time and initiative to be thoughtful, considerate, and compassionate. even with the people we dislike, we can at least try to be courteous, at times literally going out of our way to understand and help them. I pray that May I never forget my old spong like self, who soaked up every drop of affection and attention my family or friends could give me, until they were sapped dry. May I learn to be a giver, rather than a constant taker. May I practice offering interest, kindness, consideration, and compassion until sensitivity to others becomes secound nature to me.
    One more thing I wanted to share, please remember that he is sick, the behaviours that he exhibits around the drug are from his sickness.That does not mean you shoud put up with any thing you are not comfortable with it is that addicts exhibit behaviours in thier addiction that they would never even think to do in recovery. Please contact Nar-anon, they will reveal more.

    [This message has been edited by Squirrel-1 (edited 03-16-2002).]

     
    Old 03-16-2002, 06:19 PM   #3
    Tuaca64
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    Thank you Squirrel-1 for your reply. Your insight hit it right on the nail with me. Most of all your over all reply put me back into perspective, after all the stress that we have been dealing with in the last month more than ever. He is going into a rehab for the first time on April 1st. He did go through a six day detox a year ago, only because they didn't have any room until that seventh day, but he turned it down, thinking he could do it on his own. And, boy was that a mistake, after relapsing two weeks later. Now after all the stress and all the money and pain, that we have dealt with it is coming down to an end. But, you know that saying, "It will get worse before it gets any better" is hitting us hard as each day passes. And, I just pray to God to give me strength to hold on just little more, because I am at the end of my rope, and have been for a while now. And, to also guide us in the right direction no matter what happens, in Jesus mighty name. AMEN. [THANK YOU AGAIN FOR THE KIND WORDS AND MORAL SUPPORT. GOD BLESS YOU.]



    [This message has been edited by Tuaca64 (edited 03-16-2002).]

     
    Old 03-16-2002, 07:54 PM   #4
    HumbleMan10248
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    Squirell is spot on and exactly right as she talks from expereince but all i can say as a male recovering heroin addict sex is the last thing on my mind when i was high cos without being too graphic depending on the dosage i wouldnt been able to perform in bed cos heroin dulls the sexual senses hence in other words i couldnt get it up so to speak i apologise if that is too graphic so when i was foolin around i made sure i had no H in my system dont get me wrong take the heroin out of the equation and my female partners never had a complaint and i could be a stud in bed but when i was high sex and even closness to the oppostite sex was un-interesting hope this helps and ith the jerks and moaning i still get that now every night it is the aftermath and legacy of being a heron addict im afraid

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    Old 03-17-2002, 10:15 AM   #5
    Tuaca64
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    Thank you Humbleman for your reply. I was hoping to hear from you. Because I have read some of your past experiences. Well, this definately assures me now more than ever that he was telling me the truth on that aspect. My journey now is to be with him till he goes in and be there when he gets out, give it three months or more...how ever long it takes. During that time, I will be taking care of me and focusing on our finances that has overwhelmed me for a year because of his bad habit. And, of course I will find an Al-anon, or Nar-anon meeting to attend, and destress and come to more of an understanding of this disease.
    I COMMEND YOU BOTH FOR TAKING THE RIGHT ROAD TO SOBERITY. BECAUSE, JUST MAKING THAT DECISION ALONE AND DOING IT, I THINK WOULD BE THE BIGGEST STEP TO MAKE. GOD BLESS YOU BOTH AND KEEP UP THE FAITH. THANK YOU AGAIN!

    [This message has been edited by Tuaca64 (edited 03-17-2002).]

     
    Old 03-18-2002, 05:08 PM   #6
    Squirrel-1
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    Just a word of encouragement. I have dual addictions so, I am now working on my addiction to cocaine with success. I detoxed from Heroin a year ago. I have never even thought to pick up the drug since then. I have no urges or cravings. I can speak about it graphically and be around it, although I woulldn't and I don't have any urge. I am not saying that he is going to get it the first time but, I will pray that he does. I did and I know alot of people do. Tell him that it is hard and you do get sick but, to hang in there cause it gets better, boy does it ever get better. I love life now. It is awesome. I will pray...what we can't do alone we can do together. I have faith. Good luck and God Bless and please post us on his progress.

     
    Old 03-23-2002, 09:54 AM   #7
    Tuaca64
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    Thank you again Squirrel for your reply and words of encouragement. We have one more week to go. He will be going to a Christian Rehab that is about five hours away, at no cost, with donations accepted. The person that is running it is an ex-herion user for about 15 years, and he's had his share of trials and tribulations. He has been clean and sober now for more than 10 years and he is a pastor now and has built this church/rehab. His wife and I graduated from the same high school, and her family and I have been friends for many, many years. They are good people. I have faith in him and his rehab because I know God has a hand in it. And, my boyfriend and I know it will be a long road, but outcome will be a blessing to us all.
    [I WILL KEEP YOU POSTED ON HIS PROGRESS.
    GOD BLESS YOU THROUGH AND THROUGH YOUR SOBRIETY]


     
    Old 03-23-2002, 04:41 PM   #8
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    i also live wih an addict and felt pretty much the same as you do or did, i asked questions, felt as though i had done something wrong, but i wasnt to blame, it was the heroin, he says he loves me and i beleive him, (most of the time) but this drug is stronger than we think, it controls your mind, body and sole. i wish you luck in any action your decide to take and hope things work out well for you. from one curios person to another..

     
    Old 03-24-2002, 10:06 AM   #9
    Tuaca64
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    Thank you Suzie for your reply. Yeah, it sounds like you were in the same predicament, and know exactly what I mean. And, so much more. Are you still with him?? I have less than a week to go with him till he goes in. I just hope I don't get fed up and blow it, and tell him to... #$%@!~=<^ before he leaves. Believe me, I've been feeling it so much more than ever right now, I have to calm myself down and count the days. Thanks again.

     
    Old 04-01-2002, 10:45 PM   #10
    jroeglin
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    My boyfriend is currently in an inpatient rehab for his heroin addiction. I'll tell you, this drug is horrible. My b/f and I used to have a wonderful relationship (in all aspects) until he started using. Then everything went downhill. As far as sex goes, once he was using, there wasn't ANY. At first I thought it was me too. I thought he wasn't interested anymore. But as time went on, and he was continuing to use, I realized that he wasn't interested in anything but the heroin. I almost walked out on him about 15 times, but I stuck around because I remembered what he was like before the drugs. So, he is getting out of rehab in a week or two, and the couple of times that I have been able to talk to him on the phone, he sounds great. It's like he sounds like the guy I first fell in love with. (yea, yea, could be my imagination) So, i know he will be fighting this disease for a long time to come, but now that I see that he has made a serious effort to get clean, I will stand with him. When your in a relationship with an addict, it's hard because he can do the worst things in the world to you, and not even realize it. Sometimes I was just so exhausted from trying to understand what he was doing, how he was doing it, and why he was doing it, that I couldn't even talk to him. But I have learned that he didn't really even SEE me these last few months. All that mattered was doing what he had to do. Hopefully things will be different now. Good luck to ya, and I applaud you for sticking around. It's really rough, and if he doesn't stay clean after rehab, then maybe you should re-think your position. (me too) but for now, stay by him. He is really going to need you now.

     
    Old 04-07-2002, 12:26 AM   #11
    Tuaca64
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    Thank you jroeglin for your reply. My thoughts exactly. I wish the best to you and your boyfriend also. We've come this far, I just hope and pray that this long road doesn't come to an end so soon. Let's Walk in Faith not by sight.

     
    Old 04-07-2002, 07:10 PM   #12
    Squirrel-1
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    The posts from both of you made me cry.It made me think about the people that loved me in my addiction and what I did to them.I sometimes can't even believe the hurt that I did to my children, my family, and the man that loved me. It wasn't me. It was like I was living a dream, a night mare for years. Reading your posts made me realize how the people in my life must have hurt. I really have to be careful of the guilt that I have as it gets over whelming some days and it takes me to a bad place. All I can say is, that person that was doing those things to my loved ones, that was not me, that was my addict. The things that I did in my addiction I can not change. I can only hope with my staying clean that my children,and others in my life will forgive me. It made me cry to see the love that you guys have for these men that are sick. How you try hard to understand them, they truly are lucky.

     
    Old 04-09-2002, 07:20 PM   #13
    jroeglin
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    Thanks It has been really really hard, but not as hard as it has been for him Iam sure. Somedays I just want to give up and leave him, and other days I love him so much that I can't. As long as he is making an effort, I will stand by him. But, if he doesn't try to get clean and stay clean, that's a different story. I know that alot of the things that my b/f has done in the past weren't really him. If that's the type of person he was, I never would have fallen in love with him ya know? So, I wait and hope and pray every day that he can control this thing. Man this Sucks!

     
    Old 04-09-2002, 07:54 PM   #14
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    Right on. It is so hard to stay clean. I like what you said about if he keeps trying because that is all you can ask. I have managed to stay clean however, some days I really have to fight. It does get easier every day. I use to fight it every day but, now it is only once in awhile. I have been clean from all drugs for about 4 months or so. I did have 7 months but, I relapsed on Alcohol one night. Heroin was the drug I wanted off the most. When I became addicted to Heroin I was truly scared then. I hope your boyfriend comes out ok. If you have read any of my posts you will know that I have been clean from Heroin for about a year now. Actually it will be a year in May. I have other addictions that I have been concentrating on. I have never used or had the feeling to use H. since I got clean from it. I hope that your boyfriend feels the freedom I did. I just ran into a guy that was in Detox with me a year ago for H. He left after a few days but, he tried again and again and has been clean for about 6 months now. He looked good. He said the differnce was he had someone in his life that gave him incentive. I always say you have to do it for yourself, but what ever gets you there. Fake it till you make it. If a person can get clean long enough to feel true freedom they will never want to go back there, and although that drug will call them and they may answer they will come back to recovery because it is true freedom. Miracles happen in Recovery.

     
    Old 04-20-2002, 09:30 PM   #15
    HumbleMan10248
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    wow lot been happenin since ive been offline due to computer probs T i hope your b/f can sort himself out im still clean only a month or sot hough and im not even goin to start to explain the cravings of H to be honest im not feeling teh urge to use lately but the feeling comes and goes as squrell pointed out soemdays its a fight to survive and not to take your next hit of H i remebr just the other day when i talked to my drug councesllor he said to me how H had already eaten away at my 20s if i didnt stop it woudl eat away at my 30s too and its too true the way we all get off and recover from our addiction are different for diffrent pepole i think we can a learn from each other but the way we deal with it is difrrent for each of us all i can tell you that what has really helped me get off this evil drug is the descion to stop and the reasons for stopping so everytime i may get the cravinsg or urges to use i rember nad focus on the reasons why I STOPPED USING HEROIN and that is more than enough for me to stop myslef getting naother hit
    becuase if your b/f thinks how i use to think few months back that i will stop H in the long term but in the short term i will still use hey im only young what is the prob then i tell him that teh short term = the long term and ten years of heroin usage will go in the blinking of an eye so stop today today is such a good day to give up this evil habit and also cravings to heroin wil always be there getting a craving is not an excuse to use we all have to find a way to deal with the cravings such that they dont win otherwise we would never be able to give up i remember i told myslef how much do i really want to give up using H and if i truly wnat to stop well then God willing i can all you have to do is decide truley that you want to stop and it is possible ...God bless

    PS- yes please tell your b/f to go to AA or NA...

    Humble
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