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  • Please reply..husband on crack, desperate for advice..!!

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    Old 07-11-2002, 12:38 PM   #1
    jmarlar
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    Unhappy Please reply..husband on crack, desperate for advice..!!

    I am desperate here!! My husband has become addicted to crack-cocaine. He's going on 8months with this now. I never dreamed he would ever do this. It's just not like him at all. We've always had a great marriage and then suddenly this happened last T-giving. He's put us in bankruptcy court with cash advances on credit cards of about $40,000 since Christmas all for crack, wrecked our car, totaled his friends truck, wrote bad checks...the list goes on and on. I know it's best for me to probably get out of this but after 13 years together? HOW do I do that? I donít know much about crack accept that itís worse than cocaine (which is what he started with) and is highly addictive. What is it doing to him? Can it kill him? Can he ever get off if it? Crack must be the worst thing in the world to get off of. I donít understand WHY he canít put it down! He is all set to go to Teen Challenge for long term recovery and says he wants to go. Anyone heard of Teen Challenge? They have a high recovery rate. They are ready to take him then he ran off Tuesday again on another binge. He cries and swears to me that he wants off of the drugs that he is miserable and tired of the drug scene. I know him better than anyone else in my life and I know he wants help but I guess he is too addicted? He went through treatment in April and May but it was out-patient and he just had too much freedom I guess. Iím in therapy but still a total emotional wreck, nervous b/c of our bankruptcy and scared to death of what he gets into out there on the street looking for crack. Does intervention work with addicts? I just want to know, is it even possible for him to get off of this? It has control of his life completely and I'm stuck in the middle of what seems like h*ll! I have given it all up to God to take care of my husband and his problem. I pray constantly. I believe things can change for the better but he seems to be in really bad shape. Please reply!!! Thank you so so much!!

    Jamie
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    Old 07-12-2002, 09:50 PM   #2
    jroeglin
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    Get him into inpatient rehab as soon as possible. Addiction is a terrible thing, but nobody is "too" addicted. I am a firm believer that you need to go somewhere and get professional help to get off drugs. I know there are people out there who have done it on their own, and I applaud them. However, from my experiences with my b/f who was/is addicted to heroin, he could NOT do it on his own. Unfortunately, because of that, he is locked up. But, whatever it takes to get him off the drug. If that means not seeing him for months or even years, whatever, do what has to be done. I don't know how deadly crack is, I have no experience with that one at all, but what I do know is that it will ruin his life, and yours. It seems to me that if he could get off the crack on his own, you would not be in this problem. When he starts maxing credit cards, and writing bad checks, he Will end up in jail. So, my advice, get him into treatment (inpatient) ASAP! Good luck to you and we are all here for you!!!!

     
    Old 07-13-2002, 10:21 AM   #3
    Geneva
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    Jamie
    My husband is addicted to crack. Never did anything but a couple of beers and then one hit on the pipe and he was hooked and gone.

    At first I couldn't believe it and lived in denial with him. I believed his every promise..I am sure he even meant them but the drug was stronger. He chose it over me and the kids.

    It wasn't until I kicked him out and started thinking of myself and the kids that he finally realized that he had to do something.


    I went to Alanon. Wonderful support from folks that knew my fear and hurt. Please go..I go at least 2 times a week.

    I took over the finances. I focused on what I could do and quit dreaming and scheming about things I could not control. I let him go.

    Finally he went to NA. He has been off the junk for 9 months. He is home. He fights the desire to use every day. Easy no. Necessary yes. I have set my boundaries. He knows that not only will he lose his family but probably his life if he goes out again. Crack is evil....The pain it has caused this family is so unbearaable. I get out of bed with a heavy heart. Trust is shot. Fear eats you up.


    My husband is trying so hard. I love him. But I have learned that I can love him to death if I allow him to continue to use and enable him in anyway.

    Take care of yourself.

     
    Old 07-16-2002, 08:09 AM   #4
    Smoochy
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    I know it sounds easy coming from an outsider, but if it would happen to my man right now, I would organise to lock him up (handcuff him and chain him) and keep him like that, feed him, love him, help him urinate and all that, be right there next to him till I knew for sure he was recovered. For weeks if I had to. I know this sounds criminal, but that is what I would do, and I would not let him free before he'd be him again.
    I know he would go through hell but I would not want to lose my man to a drug.
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    Old 07-16-2002, 09:45 AM   #5
    Geneva
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    What I have learned about drugs is that it is more than just not using. You could chain your husband up for months and months and as soon as you let him go he would use. It is more than just a physical condition...your soul and spirit are addicted too. It takes an incredible amount of work and support from other recovering addicts to even begin to beat it.
    But Smoochy I sure like your determination!


     
    Old 07-16-2002, 09:51 AM   #6
    jmarlar
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    Actually I kind of did that already and at first he agreed to be at my mercy but after 3 or so weeks, he started to resent me tremendously and walked out. It went really good though, he was doing great, in lots of meetings, church, etc....we really connected and started to bond again as a family but it went up in smoke one Sunday morn and he just left for 1 week, then came home crying he was ready for treatment then left again 2 days later in his truck this time. This was last Tuesday. I week later and no word from him. I'm having a VERY HARD time not worrying myself sick over what has happened to him. But I'm doing ok as long as I put him out of my mind totally, except for prayer... He needs to be in a residential program for 1 year away from our city. I think the only thing that will get him off the streets this time is being arrested. I hate that more than anything but it's what I'm kind of hoping for. Maybe it will be the slap he needs to wake him up!
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    Old 07-16-2002, 08:17 PM   #7
    jroeglin
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    I hated the thought of my boyfriend getting locked up. For the last few months, before he went to prison, I fooled myself into thinking that he was going to quit on his own. He actually told me himself that he needed to be locked up to kick. I didn't believe him. Well, now that he is locked up, even though I miss him terribly, I feel good knowing that he is not using. one day of not using, is one more day of thinking and learning about himself. Even though when he gets out, he will still have to fight the cravings, he atleast has a huge jump start. The longer he is clean, the more incentive to stay clean. Like I said before, if you can get him into residential rehab, do it. But, if he really doesn't want to quit right now, he probably will end up getting arrested for something, and then he won't have any choice. (I don't mean to sound harsh) Good luck to you and keep us posted!
    My b/f has been clean now for 30 days! Woo!Hoo! Hopefully he'll keep it that way!

     
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