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  • MY HUSBAND DIED LAST NIGHT OF A OXYCONTIN OVERDOSE!!

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    Old 03-19-2003, 07:25 AM   #1
    StacyVictor
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    Unhappy MY HUSBAND DIED LAST NIGHT OF A OXYCONTIN OVERDOSE!!

    I know that everyvbody on the board has seen me post for a while and I thought everybody would like to know that last night my husband died of an Oxycontin overdose. We have been seperated for the last 2 months because of his drug and alcohol problem and I feel so guilty!!! I know there was probably nothing I could have done to change things, but I just wish I could have been there for him! I have been clean now for the last 13 days and this will be a real test for me to stay clean. The first thing I wanted to do was take a pill to make it feel better. But I haven't, so far! I feel so angry! These pills are so deadly and he was like everybody else, he never thought it would happen to him! I did everything I could for him, but nothing I did seemed to help. He swore he didn't have a problem. The sad thing about it, was I new this would happen. He took so many at one time to get 'high' and it finally caught up with him. He was only 30 years old and has 3 small kids that will never know him now. Anyway, I just thought I would tell my story.
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    Old 03-19-2003, 07:29 AM   #2
    lane7eir
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    stacy,
    i am so sorry. my husband is coming home from detox for hydrocodone today. in addition to my own battles, i am soooo nervous. chin up! pills wont help you! (as i only have not quite 3 days with no alcohol, i know where you are coming from. i could use one myself. take care of yourself and your kids...

     
    Old 03-19-2003, 07:44 AM   #3
    Dawn in NH
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    Oh my God Stacy!!

    My mouth just fell open and hit the floor. I am so sorry. If this is insensitive, forgive me, but I feel compelled to ask. If you're not comfortable, or not ready yet to talk, by all means feel free not to answer.

    Do you know how much he took? I ask because I take oxy both the right and wrong way, and I assume since my tolerance is so high it won't happen to me.

    I assume he had a high tolerance too. That's why I'm wondering how much it took for him to OD.

    That's it - I'm not giving anyone advise on oxy anymore, not even using it for legitimate pain relief.

    Oh my God Stacy - I just can't believe it. I am literally in tears for you, and scared for me at the same time. I hope that's not selfish. It's just an eyeopener. I guess I feel like I'm immune to an OD because of my tolerance.

    If there's anything I can do for you, please let me help, ok? Luv, Dawn

     
    Old 03-19-2003, 07:56 AM   #4
    StacyVictor
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    Dawn, please, please, please don't every think that your tolerance is too high to overdose, he told me the very same thing a million times! Oh, it won't happen to me, I have a high tolerance..blah, blah, blah! It makes me sick! I don't know how much he took, but knowing him it was alot and he probably crushed them up and then swallowed them, he didn't use needles. This drug is sooooooooooooo dangerous! We have even discussed it before. I told him to never, ever, ever do oxy's that they were so dangerous and had killed a lot of people, he just didn't listen. I think the worst part for me is the guilt. I hadn't spoken to him in 6 weeks, I was fed up with his drug and alcohol abuse. I wanted to get clean and he didn't want to help me get clean,**** he didn't even want me to get clean! I feel sooooo bad, I am at work today because I just can't sit at home and I just keep crying and crying! I never cried when he moved out because I was so fed up with everything and now I feel so unbelievably guilty for not being there for him! Please, please be careful!
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    Old 03-19-2003, 08:25 AM   #5
    GinaLee
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    Stacy,

    Darlin, you didn't fail to help your husband; he failed to listen and help himself.
    You have been such an inspiration to so many on this board; and you have certainly not failed here.

    You cannot take responsibility for his addiction or his inability to see what he was doing to himself. Only he could have saved himself, not you.

    You know better than anyone the struggle you went through to rid yourself of this pill-taking nightmare. But YOU did it and you must not lose sight of what you are trying to do for yourself. You’ve made your life important to you again and that is what you need to keep going with. Your husband is okay now. He really is.

    There is nothing more for you to do for your husband but honour his memory and let him see that YOU are strong and that your life is about so much more than the drugs that have worked to ruin you. Your husband won’t be able to see you; but he will see what is in your heart.

    Take your guilt and your anger and turn it into positive energy for YOUR continued recovery.

    God has a way of working through people to get His message across. He wanted you to post your message about your husband's sudden death as it truly serves as a reality check of what we all are doing to ourselves as well as where we are most definitely headed if we don't find our way out, as you have.

    You have worked so hard to learn to love yourself again…or maybe for the first time in your life; don’t let go. We all need you here with us.

    With Heartfelt Sympathy, Love and Support,

    Gina


    [This message has been edited by GinaLee (edited 03-19-2003).]
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    Old 03-19-2003, 09:00 AM   #6
    Risky Business
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    Dear Stacey and Members: This is a tradgedy. You know alot of us have probably said that our tolerances are high...I know I have said tha because one tablet only seems to help me 30-60 minutes.

    May God or your beliefs comfort you and allow you peace. You should not feel quilt---any of us in the similar situation probably would also. It may take time to heal and I am behind you as I know most all the members.

    This terrible thing makes me think of something I would like to share. In my experiences and knowing others...part of the horrible danger is any of us could take 10-15 tablets a day and not ever OD.

    Then out of the blue for whatever reason...it could happen and just different factors could cause it. I am no expert but I believe if we drink, do not eat, take other meds, or just unthinkable reason the wrong day could take our lives.

    It sure makes us think doesn't it. I offer you my sincerest hert felt greif, and we will be here to help you and each other.

    Please take care and allow us to support you during this time. Most Sincerely,

    Risky Business

     
    Old 03-19-2003, 09:07 AM   #7
    GinaLee
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    Risky,

    It certainly does cause us to think! I most definitely have a high tolerance for my weekly habit of 3-4 cases of beer per week but that is only in reference to my thinking and physical abilities. God only knows what my brain is going through... my heart... my liver... my kidneys... or whatever else is deteriorating in this body of mine.

    Why do we feel "it will never happen to me"... We must be nutz.

    ------------------
    Gina
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    Old 03-19-2003, 10:42 AM   #8
    chippie
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    You are not to blame in anyway shape or form. Allow yourself to grieve, not regret. And, though it may sound corny, try to be at peace. God Bless.

     
    Old 03-19-2003, 12:19 PM   #9
    marley08
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    Stacy~
    I am so sorry for what you are going through. When I read your post, I couldn't believe it. Please know that you are not to blame. You are not responsible for him and his actions. I really hope you can let go of the guilt...And please don't let this affect your success in your recent sobriety.
    My thoughts and prayers are with you. Please take care of yourself.
    ~Marley

     
    Old 03-19-2003, 01:41 PM   #10
    Dawn in NH
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    Hi again -

    God - this has been on my mind non - stop since you posted this almost 6 hours ago.

    Stacy, I wish I had some magic words to say to make you feel better. Sadly, I don't. None of us do. Just know that my heart is just broken for you.

    His death is not in vain. He probably just saved my life because I am done and I mean done with oxy's. In turn, you have saved my life by letting me get to know you, and by posting this. This has changed my outlook on a lot of things. My life changed at 10:25 this morning.

    This made me recognize the fragility of life. This is something he was used to doing. One little factor changed the outcome. I wish we knew what it was. God - here today gone tomorrow. Literally.

    Well, my mind has changed about the tolerance issue. I truly assumed that if I keep taking the same dose I've been taking for years, how can it kill me. But one day, it's not the same dose.

    Again Stacy, if there's anything I can do for you, please let me know. We can meet in yahoo or something similar and set up a private room. You can have my e-mail address, instant messenger screen names and even my phone number if you wanna vent or need to cry. Sometimes it's easier with a stranger, although after sharing my deepest darkest secret with you all, you're hardly strangers anymore. Whatever I can do, I will.

    Hang in - Dawn


    [This message has been edited by Dawn in NH (edited 05-15-2003).]

     
    Old 03-19-2003, 01:49 PM   #11
    Guiltriddenmommy
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    Stacy~ I'm new here, so I don't know you, and of course you don't know me. But...I read your post before I even posted at all today, and I will admit~ your post scared the **** out of me! I'm so extremely sorry for you loss~ I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through, or what you are going to go through for a LONG time. I just can't tell you enough how sorry I am....and that it's not your fault....and I know deep in my heart that I DON'T want to die like that. Your post has been a wake up call to many I believe, and I'm sorry it has taken your DH DYING to get the message across to me, and I'm sure many others. I'll pray hard for you and his (yours too?) children, as this is going to be a long, hard road for all of you. Once again, my heart goes out to you and I am so very sorry!

     
    Old 03-19-2003, 01:55 PM   #12
    Risky Business
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    Stacy and members: Stacy I think you are on all our minds and hearts. I wish you the strength as I have said and we are all with you.

    Dawn, I can tell by reading your posts that you are in intractable pain as I am. As many others are and cannot help having to take medication to survive...

    I also understand that I am no better than those who have became so attached or addicted that they cannot help themselves.

    All we and I can do is live one day at a time. Take care Stacy.

    Sincerely,

    Risky Business

     
    Old 03-19-2003, 02:15 PM   #13
    Dawn in NH
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    Thanks Risky - I needed that. I needed to have my pain validated right now. I agree with you. I have said in another thread somewhere that the key to my success is control. If I ditch the pain meds all together, then what the h*ll do I do about the pain? OTC pain relievers just don't cut it.

    However, my intake has spiraled out of control. I have even tried having my SO hold them for me so I don't take them like candy, but if I cry enough, I can weasel them back. I tried having my mother hold them for me, but that was inconvienent for both of us as she lives 35 min away, and we had to meet daily. I suppose I could let my doctor hold the bottle and run down there every day and get the day's meds. He's only 7 minutes away.

    Thanks again Risky for saying what you said, and not condemning me for my faults. I don't expect anyone to condemn me but I feel like I should be damned to hell!

    Ok - gotta get out of this chair.

    Hang in all - Dawn

    [This message has been edited by Dawn in NH (edited 03-20-2003).]

     
    Old 03-19-2003, 10:44 PM   #14
    Citykittie
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    I am so sorry for your loss. I pray for you and your children.
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    Old 03-20-2003, 07:03 AM   #15
    Philster2003
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    Stacy when I read your post I was crushed, I've had to take a day to digest the information. My heart goes out to you, I wish I could take your pain away, absorb it for you. You have taken a new path and you are getting stronger everyday, hold true to your course, weather the storm and use this a the key driver to you reaching your goals. You are a truly wonderful person!

    Everyday I thank God, and myself, for turning the corner and getting off the pain meds. Life is really good and each day is better then the prior day!

    Phil

     
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