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boyfriend might have cancer for the second time and is pushing me away

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Old 09-29-2010, 08:48 AM   #1
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Tampa, FL US
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dtermaat HB User
boyfriend might have cancer for the second time and is pushing me away

My boyfriend and i have been together for 7 month and this past month has been really hard. He had bone marrow cancer when he was 12 and now at 23 might have testicular cancer. All of the signs are there and on top of this, he has been struggling with depression for the last six years since his mom died.

I'm the only one he has told anything to besides his family. I am pretty much the only person he really talks to about any of this. Last night he tried to break up with me. He told me he can't put me through what he is about to go through(restarting therapy for his mom's dealth and going through this illness he is convinced her has). I told him I already am involved in everything and am not gonna leave him alone in this. In this "break up" he couldnt stop kissing me and telling me he loves me, then he said he doesn't know if he wants to break up at all. Sorry for writing so much but I just don't know what to do. I feel like i should almost just give him a little space but also not really go away? I'm so confused and want to do whats best for him..any ideas?

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Old 09-29-2010, 10:40 AM   #2
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Re: boyfriend might have cancer for the second time and is pushing me away

Hopefully this will help. I am almost 59, my wife died in Jan. at a month short of 60. She too, near the end especially, was very short at times, saying hurtful things when she never used to. Sounds like your boyfriend is experiencing some of the same things that all cancer patients go through. It's mostly from the anxiety and fear they are going through. They don't understand at first what's happening to them, then why. It takes a lot of patience on your part and understanding. Even when things hurt you must remember what he is going through and understand he doesn't mean the mean things. Sometimes feels it's easier said than done but if you really care for him, and it sounds like you do, you must overlook the bad stuff, remember the good, and let him know in quiet, reassuring ways that you will be there for him throughout.

Old 04-01-2012, 07:58 PM   #3
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: florida
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lyingawake HB User
Re: boyfriend might have cancer for the second time and is pushing me away

Dont give up on him, he is only pushing you away for your sake. So he must really love you. But if you want to live a life free of regret, you wont leave, and you'll help him muster up the strength to fight this horrid desease.
Good luck.

Old 04-05-2012, 09:20 PM   #4
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Re: boyfriend might have cancer for the second time and is pushing me away

My boyfriend has kidney cancer. He was diagnosed in October, the week that he moved to the US from Australia. He always says things like "I'm not going to pull you into this" or "I don't want you to hear me in pain" or "Just go, I'm okay" or "Let me be alone". But you know... I'm 14. And I know a lot of people who have gone through complete hell. Cancer itself is absolute hell. Then the treatments and surgeries and appointments on top of just the one fact pulsing through your head, screaming "I HAVE CANCER" just make it all worse.

What I learned......

Is that if he says that he wants to break up, but isn't sure..... It means that he's scared and he doesn't want to be alone. He's afraid that you'll leave him when you see how sick he is.

It's scary.

Being an onlooker to someone who has cancer it absolutely horrifying. Being the victim of cancer is so much worse than anything else you will ever experience.

Car accidents are scary.
Surgeries are scary.
Biopsies are scary.
Plane crashes are scary.

There is something every day in your life that will scare you. But to have one thing, all day, for the rest of your life, whether you're in remission or not, pulsing through your head? That's the worst.
I know it.

I've stuck with Jake through everything. Since his 1st surgery to his 3rd, to his first chemo treatment, and soon to be his last. I'm going to sick with him through it. But you know what? You have to be strong. For them. If you stay strong, it will help him stay strong.

If it does turn out that he has cancer again.....

If he says "leave" you stay.
If he says "I'm fine" don't believe it.
If he says "It doesn't hurt" it really does.
If he says "I'm not scared" he really is.
If he says "I'm dying" tell him otherwise and stick with him.
If he says "Lay with me" do it.
If he says "Can you help me" help him.

...Do you get my point, here? I really hope this made sense. I'm not trying to scare you at all, but you need to know what's coming if you don't.

I am not saying that he has cancer! I'm just warning you, people get hyped up about stuff, and their mind makes it happen. Your mind over powers your body. Remember that.

Good luck to you and your man!

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