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  • Is my boyfriend suffering from depression/anxiety/bi-polar? PLEASE HELP

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    Old 04-01-2015, 04:40 PM   #1
    Esally90's Avatar
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    Is my boyfriend suffering from depression/anxiety/bi-polar? PLEASE HELP

    My boyfriend of nine years is suffering from what I believe to be anxiety, depression, or bi-polar disorder or maybe all of the above. Even since I’ve known him since 16 years old, he had anger issues. He would go through these “episodes” (for lack of a better word) where he would be fine one day and the next he wouldn’t be himself. He’d be irritable, angry, restless… the list goes on and on. I never understood what set him off and so many times I’d question myself and try to figure out what I’d done even though I know I didn’t do anything. Or on other occasions he would become angry with me for the smallest reason, I used to think it was normal until I realized it seemed that he almost tried to create conflict to justify his actions. After all this time he recently just admitted he thinks he may be emotionally unstable but is not willing to take medication or seek therapy. It has become increasingly worse within the last 6 months. These episodes happen more and more frequently. It used to be that a few weeks would pass before this 2-3 day episode would occur but now it seems like 2-3 days out of the week he is suffering from this. I thought it was bi-polar however he doesn’t have intense highs. He is just his normal self, outgoing loving and funny. But he’ll go through a dark period and almost all of the time he takes it out on me. He has become increasingly insecure. He says that I am “too friendly” or that I “act weird”. I want to tell him he is delusional because never in the 9 years of being together have I gave him a reason to think this. I try so hard to be understanding but it’s making me angry and resentful. I love him and don’t want to leave him during this time of need. I just wish I could understand how to deal with it because I myself feel that this is making me need to see a therapist just to cope. The other night I went to the mall and came back empty handed. He accused me lying about being at the mall and of doing bad things while I was gone, seems like he was insinuating I was cheating which wouldn’t be the first time. He accuses me of liking someone at work and even threw out all my things when a mutual male friend of ours asked if I would be going to an event at a friend’s house. Harmless things that it seems he makes up stuff in his head to be mad about. When I had proof I was at the mall by a photo I took he still continued to be mad even though he had the proof in front of his face. What makes it worse is the communication skills he lacks. He will ignore me and not reply to me via text messaging or even in person for days. For however long he stays this way, I am miserable and alone and resentful because it seems that he doesn’t care how he makes me feel. He is so stubborn and lashes out at me for the smallest reasons, I’m beginning to think valid or not he will create it in his head so that he is right and I am wrong regardless. He tells me he is in a transition period where he is trying to find himself and will not hurt himself. But there have been occasions where he has violent outbursts, one time smashing a bottle on his head and hitting it repeatedly on the wall. Other times he just shuts down and seems depressed and that nothing can make him happy. He has anxiety every morning he can’t sleep in and wakes up early. And complains of aches and pains.. How can I help? What is making him act out this way? I want to make this better but I have tried many different angles and nothing seems to work. PLEASE HELP!

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    Old 04-02-2015, 12:14 AM   #2
    JFlastresort's Avatar
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    Re: Is my boyfriend suffering from depression/anxiety/bi-polar? PLEASE HELP

    I'm so sorry to hear of the frustration you are both going through. As a person who has suffered with issues like this, I recommend seeking advise from a Doctor of Psychology (PsyD) and/or Psychiatrist for appropriate diagnosis. I say this because we can all guess as much as we can. The important thing is to get an accurate diagnosis and treatment right away. Personally, I wish I had gone to a DOCTOR in the beginning. Not a counselor. Yes, Counselors are very good. But in the very beginning, You have to know exactly what you are dealing with. Then, later on down the road, A counselor would be suitable....If the Psychiatrist thinks a counselor would be appropriate. I was misdiagnosed many times. Not at the fault of any Doctors. I never stayed with one Mental health Doctor long enough because I was moving a lot. That was entirely my responsibility. Please seek professional help as soon as possible. That is my best advise. Be it right or wrong, I don't know. That is just based on my personal experience. I wish the best for you both. This will be a long road. But with Professional help, It can be managed and you can have a good life. I believe that very much. Also, You said he has anger issues. If you at any time feel threatened or unsafe, You must take care of yourself and get out. Please follow your gut instinct. Yes, You love him. But his unstable mental illness is not worth your safety. You can love and support him from a safe distance. While he is in the midst of uncertain times, Love him from a safe place. Only meet with him in public places and always tell someone where you are and especially bring someone with you if you are meeting him. I'm not saying to be afraid of him. You said he is loving. But at the moment, He may not be thinking clearly. You had stated he has jealousy and severe anger issues. Again, I am giving my advise based on personal experience. Please take care and get help from a professional soon. Most importantly, You and him must be completely upfront and honest with the Doctor(s) about all his behaviors and actions during his "Episodes". An accurate diagnosis is much more likely if everything is out on the table. Writing a list or reference guide, Before the appointment, will be very helpful. The Doctor will want to know all the behaviors and everything that he goes through everyday. Discuss with your boyfriend if you will be welcome to go into the Doctor appointment with him. Also ask him ahead of time if he is willing to let you discuss his issues, with his Doctor. If he gets angry and says no, Do not push the issue or try to convince him. That is for your safety and sanity. My girlfriend was always able to bring forth the most important information to the Doctor. I was always too scared and upset to articulate. I would forget things. But what's great about a girlfriend is that she doesn't forget. She discussed with the Doctor what she saw and experienced on a daily basis with me. She wrote a list of everything she could think of and gave it to the Psychiatrist. She started writing 2 weeks before the appointment. You want him to be himself at all times. If you give him a heads up that your taking notes, He may inadvertently alter his behavior and that will effect an accurate diagnosis. Yes, it is quite difficult for anyone to have happen. But I knew that my girlfriend had a clear mind. I had to surrender my pride and allow people to help. I will pray for you both to find peace in your lives soon. Thank you HealthBoards for allowing all of us to have a place to talk and share experiences.

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    anger depression, anxiety, bipolar, depression, insecurities

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