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Fictitious disorder?????

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Old 04-29-2018, 04:52 PM   #1
Join Date: Apr 2018
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Aaliy HB User
Fictitious disorder?????

I am the spouse to a 46 yr old woman who has the following:
1. Claims to have illnesses that don't make sense e.g. Bells Palsy but no facial issues thinks bells Palsy is a stroke disorder
2. Exaggerates symptoms of issues
3. Claims has had past health issues e.g. heart attack but hasn't
4. If someone asks her how r u she tells them her medical issues
5. Claims to have "fits" but when Dr said record them now she only has them at work where can't be recorded
6. Talks regularly in childish tone
7. Acted as if was having heart attack but numbness on wrong side and the TV happen to mention it and it stopped instantly after hours of needing attention
8. Claims diagnosed with all this but when new Dr asked history none of those issues come up
9. Already taking cymbolta for depression due to chronic back pain half of I think she is faking
10. Claims sexual abuse as child but display contradictory behavior with abuser
11. Has had a sexual relationship with a family member as an adult
12. Display mirror behavior
13. Know it all attitude
14 always sarcastic
15. Drug alcohol abuse history
16. On medication don't need
17. Makes self sick literally with nerves when a Dr appointment is near

You can't correct her, if she's dead wrong she gets mad and swears your wrong. Always talking but in denial.
Speaks to you like she's better and she knows everything.
I am tired of the lies and the fantasy she won't stop what do I do what is wrong with her?

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Old 06-13-2018, 08:09 AM   #2
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Re: Fictitious disorder?????

Dear Aaliy,

All of that is really rough to deal with for you and for her. How do you know what happened in her childhood or in her family of origin? I suspect she did have serious abuse as a child, from some source. I could tell you stories of people I have known throughout my life. When people act out, from my personal experience, it is coming from something real, though maybe not from anything that happened currently. I did experience sexual abuse as a child, so did my mother and others in my family. My sister was raped by someone for which she was babysitting. She did not feel safe admitting it until she was an adult. Nothing was ever done about it and it negatively affects her to this day. Though she admitted it to me, after that she denied ever saying it. Those things are so degrading often times they are too much to consciously live with.

Child victims of sexual abuse do not have power to stand up to their abusers and often never get that power. We get frozen inside. We remain childlike, unable to stand up for ourselves and we can seem rather weird to people that don't know or understand. It was not until in my 40's that I faced that I needed psychological help for what I suffered because it was draining the life out of me, but I have never spoken of it to my abusers. I acted normally to those people and that specific family member all the time that person was alive. Actually to cope with this I had to actually forgive her. Yes it was a female and she was mindlessly acting out from psychological damage from what happened to her as a child. This isn't anything most people want to face or believe. I didn't want to either. I faced it because it was destroying me.

The cost of standing up to someone that took complete power over a child is too much for most people. It was too much for me. I loved her, depended on her and also wanted to kill her or myself all at the same time. That is how it is for a child. I have never spoken directly to anyone in my birth family about it. Only my husband knows. I have never spoken about it in my family of origin. I likely never will. So, yes, I can believe that did happen in your wife's life. It's disgustingly more common than society wants to believe.

I think your wife definitely is feeling very scared and angry about something even if she doesn't place it on anything current that you understand. Do you show empathy to your wife or do you make light of her complaints or ignore them? Can you just say, "oh, really? that's too bad" and show empathy and then let go of it? I did not face my childhood demons until i was married for a long time. Even then it was only because it was making me very physically sick and doctors couldn't find anything physically wrong with me. Forgive me for repeating myself.

You and I don't know what all your wife has experienced. Your wife needs a good, older psychologist experienced with sexual abuse cases to help her face her demons so she can sort out what is physical and what is emotional, what is then and what is now and get it out in a safe environment. A third party may be able to help her get down to what really is scaring or worrying her. I think she wants and needs you to take her seriously as a person, even though she may be wrong in her some of her perceptions or fears for now. Does that make sense?
~ YaYa ~

Last edited by Administrator; 06-14-2018 at 09:26 AM.

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Old 06-13-2018, 09:39 AM   #3
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Re: Fictitious disorder?????

Hi. I am just curious as to how long you have been married to her and if this was going on earlier, or if it just started.

As far as her issues- it does sound like she needs psychiatric assistance at this point. It is very possible that trauma from her childhood is coming back to haunt her and manifesting in some very inappropriate ways. Only a medical doctor is going to be able to sort this out and get her the help she needs. She probably need medication to help stabilize her.

My suggestion right now is to find help for her and get her to the proper doctor. (psychiatrist). You will not be able to fix this on your own. Do you love her enough to want to stay with her and help her through this or have you hit your breaking point? No one would fault you for walking away from this situation. Only you know what you want to do...but start by getting her some psychiatric help. This stems from somewhere and her inappropriate reactions and actions need to be handled delicately.
RRMS- dx 05

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Old 06-13-2018, 10:43 AM   #4
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Re: Fictitious disorder?????

Aaliy, I just want to clarify that psychologists are about getting to the root of a matter so it can be put in proper perspective in the mind. To me, Psychiatry is about medically altering the state of mind. From where I came I did not want or need my mind to be controlled. I just needed help to to make sense out of the chaos. From what you wrote, it seems your wife also does not want to be controlled or told what to think.

In my opinion medication can save a life from paranoid self-harm, but it doesn't alter the the thought processes. A good Psychologist helps one put thoughts in a realistic order, so blame is put where it properly goes, and the mind can accept reality, knowing who did what and who was at fault.
~ YaYa ~

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