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  • Help for TEEN DAUGHTER

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    Old 11-10-2003, 11:40 AM   #1
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    He! This is the first time I've been to this post, but I need some advice concerning my teenage daughter. She is 17 (18 in January) and she has been complaining about some feelings she's had over the last year or so. I don't know if this is something we need to seek professional help for or if its just normal teenage issues. I know being a teen is stressful, and since this is her senior year even more so. She says things like:
    1. I think so much, I wish I could just turn my brain off and give it a rest.
    2. I'm afraid of being bored, so I GO GO GO
    3. I feel like I'm missing out on something. I should be satisfied, I have a
    great home life, and am spiritually and physcially blessed. I have a lot
    of friends and I love to be with them. My family is great too. Why do
    I feel this way?
    4. She seems to put her academic life as last priority. AS a result her
    grades have fallen a little. She always does her work, but sometimes
    its last minute.
    5. She doesn't like school. Says its boring.
    6. She has been accepted in a couple of great colleges, but can't make
    up her mind which one. I tell her we need to apply for scholarships
    soon, but she keeps putting it off.
    7. She has a job, but doesn't like it. She really doesn't want to work, but
    since she has a car to maintain, we tell her she has to.

    She really is a great kid. She's not rebellious and does make good decisions for the most part. She just seems to be going backwards in areas like responsibility.
    Am I making too much of this? She talks about her feelings to us a lot, and I am glad about that. But it worries me about the way she feels. I would appreciate any input. Thanks.!!

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    Old 11-10-2003, 11:50 AM   #2
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    Help for TEEN DAUGHTER

    I was wondering if anyone could help me. My daughter is 17 and has been having some troubling thoughts/emotions. I don't know if this is something we need to seek professional help for and if its just normal teenage issues. She says things like.
    1.. I think too much. I wish I could turn my brain off and rest it awhile.
    2. I'm get bored easily and am afraid of being bored. I should be content.
    But I feel like I'm missing out on something. I have great family and loads
    of friends. But something doesn't feel right.
    3.. When I think of my future it scares me. You just go to school, go to more
    school, get a job and get married. Is that all there is?
    4. Her grades have slipped a little because her academic life is a last priority.
    5. She seems to have to always stay busy.

    The thing about it is, a lot of this might be normal for some teens, but she used to be quite the opposite. She used to be almost too content, a home body and her studies came first. She talks to us a lot and tells us her feelings. so at least she doesn't hold that back. What do you think , anybody???

    Old 11-10-2003, 12:43 PM   #3
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    There may be a little depression in there. She sees herself as more of an adult now, so she could be getting worried and scared about the future. At home, she knows she has food and a roof over her head... What's going to happen when she moves out? Talk to her pediatrician to rule out any problems, but I think she's also scared of being grown up and is also not involved in a fullfilling endeavor. Is there something she really wants to do, but is too scared to try or unable for some reason? A couple things that've helped my depression is getting back into church choir and joining a christian dance troupe. (I've never had a dance lesson in my life, but I'm pretty good and having a GREAT time!!) I'm doing stuff I love and it has a religious theme - something that's important to me. There's still stuff I would love to do, but I don't have the time or money right now. Talk to her and find out what she loves. If she likes to sing and you have the funds, get her into singing lessons. Does she like sports? Take her to a proffessional game periodically. If she finds her passions it will help (not cure) any depression. Good luck!

    Old 11-10-2003, 03:07 PM   #4
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    Thanks so much for your reply! She does enjoy her church youth group. She spends a lot of time with them. Right now one of her best friends has a steady boyfriend and you know how that goes, they don't spend as much time together. But I will take your suggestion and see if she wants to take up a hobby of some sorts. She did cheerleading last year, but decided not to this year. She didn't really like it that well. Everbody has a passion for something!!

    Old 11-10-2003, 08:11 PM   #5
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    It could also be anxiety, but then again, I might be projecting, because I am having huge anxiety right now.

    I guess I would say it might scare her to have her go to therapy or something, but if it gets worse, I would. Or have her speak to a school counselor. I know they might see it as "meddling" and it might cut off communication, but.....

    Those just sound like issue I still have, wondering what will happen in the future, thinking "is this it?", being bored with life, adn I have both depression and anxiety. I hope that is not the case with her, but that's great she has a great, supportive mother like you to watch out for her.

    Old 11-11-2003, 01:05 AM   #6
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    i'm 18, and i've been through that phase. Does she go out with friends alot? she might feel like no one truely cares about her? maybe have some family activities? Or maybe its about a boy. Boys can make teens like us depressed sometimes, whether it to be she has a crush but he doesn't like her back?

    Old 11-11-2003, 01:52 AM   #7
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    Sounds exactly like me when I was a teenager & beyond. I had no idea what was wrong with me, til years later & I got on meds for depression. Don't mess around with it, start with your family doctor and see what he thinks. My son started like that as a teenager too & luckily he got help. Depression is awful for an adult & more frieghtening for a teenager. Good luck.

    Old 11-11-2003, 05:41 AM   #8
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    I think that probably your daughter is just reacting to the fact that soon she'll be out in the "real world" and that she is going to be going off to college and on her own.

    I have 4 children, ages 24,20,16 and 14. My oldest and my youngest have bipolar disorder. My 16 year old doesnt want to work either, thats been a constant battle at our house, I think thats just being a teenager, it interfers with their social life etc.

    Good luck

    Old 11-11-2003, 06:38 AM   #9
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    I appreciate everyone responding to my post. I think I will talk to my friend's therapist. She comes highly recommended and is a Christian counselor. Although I might try a friend who is also a youth pastor. My daughter really respects him and she might not see it as actually professional help. I think she might be more comfortable talking to him rather than a stranger. I thought that some of her symptoms might be depression. We have recently joined a health club and we try to work out on a regular basis which will help also. Yes, she does go out with friends a lot and has an active social life. But a lot of her girl friends are entering into boy/girl relationships and when that happens, they want to spend all of their time with the boy. She gets sad, that she feels like her friends ditch her for boys. I tell her thats normal. But it doens't make her feel any better.

    Old 11-11-2003, 07:45 AM   #10
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    I just wanted to add that I am 41 now and I was like that in high school, too -- I used to write these long letters questioning the meaning of life, with references to the writings of philosophers and religious leaders, and my poor friends tried to listen and absorb the letters but they were not going through whatever it was that I was going through, they were just content to be alive and have their daily routine. I had that existential depression back then and I still get it quite often now. At least now I know what it is and that the bad depressed feeling passes eventually, but for your teen daughter, I think it would help if she could talk to other people who have been through it.

    Old 11-11-2003, 08:45 AM   #11
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    I agree mostly with lildove. It sounds like typical teenager stuff. But if things get really severe or if they really start to interfere with things, it doesn't hurt to get her checked out. Good luck!

    Old 11-11-2003, 09:09 AM   #12
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    Hi music23, I just wondered what part of IL your from, Im from IL also

    Old 11-11-2003, 09:58 PM   #13
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    I think that your friend's counsellor is a great idea. I also think the youth pastor is a great option.
    But I strongly suggest talking to the family doctor as well. She can have tests done to make sure that her symptoms are not a sign of a physical disorder. Doctors nowadays are very educated (ok...some) about depression and it's symptoms. I have been cursed with depression since I was very young and it all came to a head when I was 17 years old. I ended up quitting school, and I was an A student. I couldn't see the point in life at all. I was suicidal. I moved out of my parent's house because I was miserable and I knew that they were miserable as well. (I moved back in after only 4 months ) I only hoped that I would be content at some point. It didn't, I am 28 now, married with a 3 year old boy and even though I love my husband and my son I still get VERY depressed. I suffer from severe depression and meds and therapy have been a little helpful. I am an extreme example because my body is very treatment resistant to medicatons as well. Enough about me!!!
    I guess what I'm trying to say is don't take a chance with your out any option that you can. She can be helped now. So wouldn't it be nice if this depression could be nipped in the bud now opposed to her having to deal with it for a long time?
    Good luck and God Bless,

    Last edited by Meg28; 11-11-2003 at 10:05 PM.

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