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    Old 06-24-2004, 12:22 PM   #16
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    Unhappy Re: Dealing with someone who has schizophrenia

    Originally Posted by Temperamental
    I don't know where to post this so I'll start here. I am sorry if this post offends people. Me and my friends all have been friends with a guy for about 10 years. He is really cool and we all like to go out and do stuff. He has a 2 cousins that go out with him alot to the bars, parties, etc.. Cousin #1 was diagnosed with schizophrenia about 2 years ago. he does take his meds but social interaction has done nothing for him. He is wierd. This guy is basically very unpleasant to be around. He is completely anti social, acts and looks like he is always bored, complains he wants to go home when he is out with us. Wants people to drive out of their way so that somebody can take him home early, etc. Just sits in a chair and doesn't talk to anyone. We have no idea why out friend continues to drag him everywhere, he is just a pain because many times he never had any money and constantly mooches and borrows off of our friend. He also has a masters degree and even though he can hardly hold a job, thinks he is better than all of us.

    The other night all of us met up for drinks and of course, our friend drags along his schizo cousin who does nothing but take up space and sit like a bump on a log even though the guy sitting next to him kept trying to talk to him and get him involved in conversations. The scizo cousin was ordering drinks on the tab, which was fine, until he got up and left without paying his part. We noticed he didn't leave any money when we were $25 short. I TOLD my friend that since he insists on dragging his wierdo cousin everywhere he should pay his part of the tab. We have asked him again to leave his cousin at home but he doesn't. he said "he doesnt live with me, ask his brother to pay it" who was also there, and of course the brother is sort of a loser and barely paid his own tab. Neither guy that dragged along this guy would pay his part (which is lame and I cannot believe, especially since our friend makes over 100k a year) and left us to divide up wierdo's tab. I am sick and tired of this guy being a burden on everyone. Instead of blaming the schizo, he is just rude and lacking basic manners. My friend and I actually called him and left a rude message on his answering machine, telling him not to come out with us anymore if he cannot pay his tab and that we are all sick of his crap. My friend will not allow him in her house anymore since all he does is come over with the gang and drink all the alcohol, and he never brings anything to drink.

    So needless to say, our friend is mad over the anwering machine message and saying we do not understand mental illness and I say, "don't be mad at us, you insist on dragging this guy everywhere, let him be the burdon on you, not us. YOU should have paid his part of the tab."

    We do not know why this guy skipped out, he actually does have a job, and lives with his mom and brother, so it is not like he cannot afford to go out.

    I say you cannot blame the mental illness on everything, this guy is just plain out rude to leave us with the tab.

    What is everyone's thoughts on this?

    This was upsetting to read. People judge others way to fast with out knowing how that person feels. So, I’ll try and give you an idea ‘how I think it feels’, anyways. I can’t speak for others but read with an open mind.

    The illness changes you. You feel like you have no idea who you are anymore who you were disappeared from your grasp. Now picture yourself walking in a world where it’s cold, dark and no one is around the streets, it is completely dead and you have no idea how you got here, you didn’t see it coming. You scream to see if anyone can hear you. Your voice echoes back to you and you get no reply but whispers around you some sound like it’s in your head. Some voices are trying to aid you others are telling you that they want you to die. You look around the area terrified and see no one. Did you just hear things you ask yourself? It seems so, you say. You shake it off, however you still feel a little unease about it, this has never happened to you before.
    You continue to walk down the dead city street and finally you find someone in this new world you woke up in. The man turns to you and his stare is emotionless. You smile and say hello and he doesn’t reply. You say hello again and reach out for his hand, and he disappears with a blink of an eye. You back away and look around. You once again hear the voices around you but you’re seeing no one.

    Now walk in a world like that everyday and see how you’d feel. He can’t help how he is if anything try and talk to him. If he doesn’t want to talk step away and give him your number he needs friends ‘with open minds.’
    Do whatever you can for him. He most likely is scared and alone to him and even me at times this world is real.
    Why is it? See this world becomes real, it’s all you know now and others just can’t see it, but you. To be so narrow minded shows me you haven’t grown up yet. I use to be outgoing, and so on. I had a lot of friends, and now I don’t want to go out much. I just don’t have fun anymore with them. It’s not that I hate them, but I am really in another world from them ‘the illnesses or what I call has, ‘world of dreams.’ Why I refer “the illness” has a world of dreams is because you never know what’s real here and what’s fake. It makes you edgy, nervous and so on it really does feel like reality.
    So try and think about things in others eyes next time. You never know what will happen to you someday and you may be like this one day yourself. “Trust me I never would’ve guessed I have it, no one in my family does.”
    And I am sure you say to yourself, “So.... that’s how he felt.”

    I have no idea if this made any sense, but I do hope it helped somewhat.


    God bless
    I live in a world of dreams. What is real here?

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    Old 06-24-2004, 12:53 PM   #17
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    Re: Dealing with someone who has schizophrenia

    Yes I agree. This whole post is mean, right down to the title: "dealing with someone who has schizophrenia". You don't have to "Deal with" anyone especially not a situation like this. "Dealing with" anyone is more of an insult than leaving them alone. If it bothers you, don't hang out with him. This post was hateful. The whole post was very derisive and posting it on a board where people who have been told they have schizophrenia go to is probably not the most caring thing to do. I think if this were 60 years ago the author would be the person with the schizophrenia diagnosis.

    This "stigma" and this "labelling" and this unbelieving, belittling, narrowminded view that psychiatry has created in the minds of people is actually quite prevalent. My friend said to me the other day, about hanging out this weekend..she said: "My schizophrenic friend is coming too..that is, if you don't mind hanging out with schizophrenics." First this shows how much I keep my friends in the dark about things I think about...Second, it is also disturbing. I didn't need to know that he was "schizophrenic". In fact, I know nothing else about this person other than that he is "schizophrenic". Again I find it very derogatory and derisive.

    Last edited by prometheus; 06-24-2004 at 12:55 PM.

    Old 07-19-2004, 02:21 PM   #18
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    Angry Re: Dealing with someone who has schizophrenia

    Originally Posted by Temperamental
    So needless to say, our friend is mad over the anwering machine message and saying we do not understand mental illness
    What is everyone's thoughts on this?
    God forbid you ever get struck down by a mental illness. Your friend is right. His cousin can't help being the way he is. How he acts in company is down to his illness, whether you accept that or not. As for getting up and leaving without paying, did it ever occur to you that he perhaps FORGOT? His brain function is diminished. Good on your friend for taking him out and treating him as he should be. You sound like you would rather he was locked up and the key thrown away. Did it ever occur to you that you also had a choice to leave?

    And for goodness sake, drop the 'schizo' tag. It's insulting. These people are human beings too you know.

    Last edited by lkb; 07-19-2004 at 02:27 PM.

    Old 07-19-2004, 03:11 PM   #19
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    Re: Dealing with someone who has schizophrenia

    hey angel eyes

    u helped me finally understand what people with schizophrenia have to deal with
    my ex was schizophrenic and i wasnt able to understand what he was going through.
    i wanted to so badly
    but it just didnt work

    ive realised that i loved him with all my heart but that wasnt enough because i couldnt show him how i felt

    he could be very distant at times and it was hard.

    i miss him a lot and now have anxiety or something like that
    he triggered it inside me. its been there waiting to happen for ages
    i cant get past it as i never got closure between us.
    its been just over a month and i am struggling
    ive been to a therapist and am goin back at the end of the week

    i cry ALL the time and feel like i am slowly going mad myself

    i dont know what to do anymore

    thanks for the insight


    Old 07-19-2004, 06:30 PM   #20
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    Re: Dealing with someone who has schizophrenia

    I don't know if anyone mentioned this in the replies, but the sitting down and not speaking part sounds like something called Social Phobia, more info here:

    Old 08-21-2004, 03:36 PM   #21
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    Re: Dealing with someone who has schizophrenia

    My son is schizophrenic and this guy is a lot like my son. The damage to the brain makes it so all they think about is themselves. I cannot have a conversation with him usually, he's lost in his own mind, hearing the voices, or whatever. Have some compassion, geez...can you imagine what this guy is going through, hearing voices and all that? Meds may also make him to where he can't converse. Schizophrenia also affects the brain so that they can't process thoughts, which is another reason why they don't converse. My son now has no friends, his brother won't even go out with him, I feel so sorry for him.

    Old 09-24-2004, 10:56 AM   #22
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    Re: Dealing with someone who has schizophrenia

    Everyone does not need to be so mean to Temperamental. He/she was just trying to get feedback on the situation....which he/she definitely received. Try to enlighten Temperamental though. Hate and angryness only lead to more hate and angryness. Temperamental, mental illnesses are extremely difficult for a "normal" person to understand. It takes a lot of control, compassion, etc. on your part to actually try and understand. No, mental illnesses are not an excuse, but they can be a reason for a "normal" person to try. Maybe try to open your heart up a little bit more. The cousin may not need to talk to anyone when you all go out. It could be beneficial for him just to be around other people. While it may make you angry that he doesn't pay the tab and wants to leave early, think about the fact that you could be helping him by being nice to him and being out with him. Talk to your friend and suggest that maybe they bring the cousin out less frequently, and when they do bring the cousin out, to make sure that your friend or the brother pay the tab. Discuss this beforehand with them.

    Mental illness is difficult for someone who doesn't have a problem to understand. Just try to open your mind a little more and not be as harsh on the cousin. I would definitely discuss who will be covering the cousin's tab beforehand, and possibly have the friend or brother take the guy home when he wants to leave early. It may appear that the cousin is rude and quiet and antisocial, but these could all be from the schizophrenia and not personally directed at you or your friends. Try not to take it personally. I don't know if any of this made sense at all. Just trying to be helpful. I don't have schizophrenia, nor do I know anyone with schizophrenia, but my sister-in-law is bi-polar and my nephew is autistic, and it takes just a little extra effort on your part to keep an open mind to it all.

    Old 09-30-2004, 08:24 AM   #23
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    Re: Dealing with someone who has schizophrenia

    My Beautiful Son Was Struck With This Illness 4 Yrs Came Out Of No Where.he Was A Supervisor At A Huge Hospital.lived On His Own And Had A Great Outlook On Life And Was Fun To Be With.i Never Saw Or Heard Any Signs Of This Illness In My Son.i Tried For Over A Week To Get In Touch With Him Because He Lived In Another State.and Then One Morning I Get The Call No Parent Wants To Get.his Job Called Me And Told Me That My Son Was In A Mental Ward And He Didn't Know Who He Was Or What Was Going On Around Him.he Had Not Shown Up For Work In Over A Week And They Went By His Apt To Check On They Put Out A Missing Report On Him And Thats When They Were Notified That Someone With My Son Description Was Picked Up Almost A Week Earlier Walking Around The Streets In His Boxers And Didn't Have Any Id On Him Or What His Name Was Or What Year It Was.i Drove Over 1600 Miles To My Son And I Must Say That My Stomach Went To My Son Lost Half His Body Weight,shaved His Hair Off And Thought He Was Another Person Who Is Whole Nightmare Started Parent At All Ever Thinks They Have The Strenght Within To Cope With All This Emotion And Ask Why...i Was Very Angry This Happened But I Needed To Know More About I Got Educated And Real Fast.that Is The Key To Understanding This Illness And Not Judge.if You Think You Have It Rough..try Living In Their Thoughts For 24 Hrs.i Do Everything With My Son I Am Not Ashamed Or Afraid.god Gave This Gift To Me And I Will Not Turn My Back Away From Him Lock Him Up.yes He Doesn't Know Half The Time What Is Going On But He Still Has Love And Feelings.and Now Myself And My Son Talk Everyday Even If It's Over The Smallest Thought In His Head, Or Dream He Had I Get Involved.always Remember That This Illness Takes Their Thoughts From Where They Are And They Are There Physical But Not Mentally.before You Judge Someone Without Understanding..think Of Would You Cope If Your Child Was Born With A Handicap Or Mental Illness.would You Judge Then Or Give Them Up For Yourself Could Be In An Accident That Would Leave You In A Wheel Chair Or Worse On A Ventilator.these Are God's Children Too And This World Today Is Full Of Hate And Greed.compassion Is What Needs To Be Taught Again.god Bless...

    Old 12-14-2004, 10:29 AM   #24
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    Re: Dealing with someone who has schizophrenia

    Hey guys, I am very new here. I don't know how to start a new thread so I am replying to this sorry! I have recently fell in love with the most beautiful man. He is 32 and has had paranoid schizophrenia since the age of 18. I have been doing all the research I can to get help on how to love him best? Can anyone give me advice on how to be the most supportive person in his life?

    Old 12-16-2004, 08:20 AM   #25
    gloomy sunshine
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    Re: Dealing with someone who has schizophrenia

    He must not have it that bad or perhaps he was misdiagnosed because most people with Schizophrenia don't know how to interact with others and are usually isolated. They usually lead very lonely lives and are difficult to be around because they are so unpridictable. If you fell in love with this man then obviously he had something really special. Im not saying that people with scizophrenia are not capable of loving or being loved but it is usually unlikely they will engage in serious relationships. Just continue to be suportive and good luck to both of you

    Old 12-31-2004, 06:33 AM   #26
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    Re: Dealing with someone who has schizophrenia

    Jenny B. - I am currently in the same situation as you and saw your post in the midst of this other one. It is very difficult and a big decision as to whether or not you should or shouldnt let yourself fall in love with someone with a mental illness. Lots of ups and downs, you have to be willing to expect the downs to be heartbreaking. The person I am in love with is also 32 and is now in long term treatment we hope of only 3 months. I cannot forget him or just "move on" because I love him. I am determined to stick by him through thick and thin, and believe me Ive seen it all, I never expected him to have to go back into long term treatment. I just accept it for now. Hang in there - if you love him enough hold on to him.

    Old 01-03-2005, 05:54 AM   #27
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    Re: Dealing with someone who has schizophrenia

    Thank you so much don't know how wonderful it is to have someone to talk to in the same situation! He is currently back in the hospital seems as though once he gets out he has to go back and his stays are anywhere from 30-40 days. I have been trying to do as much research as possible on insight with relationships with someone with schizophrenia. He has not called from the hospital and I get paranoid myself. I know that he thinks of me, but I need more understanding of the disease to ease my own this common? Thanks so much. Jenny

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