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Temperamental 12-23-2003 01:57 PM

Dealing with someone who has schizophrenia
 
I don't know where to post this so I'll start here. I am sorry if this post offends people. Me and my friends all have been friends with a guy for about 10 years. He is really cool and we all like to go out and do stuff. He has a 2 cousins that go out with him alot to the bars, parties, etc.. Cousin #1 was diagnosed with schizophrenia about 2 years ago. he does take his meds but social interaction has done nothing for him. He is wierd. This guy is basically very unpleasant to be around. He is completely anti social, acts and looks like he is always bored, complains he wants to go home when he is out with us. Wants people to drive out of their way so that somebody can take him home early, etc. Just sits in a chair and doesn't talk to anyone. We have no idea why out friend continues to drag him everywhere, he is just a pain because many times he never had any money and constantly mooches and borrows off of our friend. He also has a masters degree and even though he can hardly hold a job, thinks he is better than all of us.

The other night all of us met up for drinks and of course, our friend drags along his schizo cousin who does nothing but take up space and sit like a bump on a log even though the guy sitting next to him kept trying to talk to him and get him involved in conversations. The scizo cousin was ordering drinks on the tab, which was fine, until he got up and left without paying his part. We noticed he didn't leave any money when we were $25 short. I TOLD my friend that since he insists on dragging his wierdo cousin everywhere he should pay his part of the tab. We have asked him again to leave his cousin at home but he doesn't. he said "he doesnt live with me, ask his brother to pay it" who was also there, and of course the brother is sort of a loser and barely paid his own tab. Neither guy that dragged along this guy would pay his part (which is lame and I cannot believe, especially since our friend makes over 100k a year) and left us to divide up wierdo's tab. I am sick and tired of this guy being a burden on everyone. Instead of blaming the schizo, he is just rude and lacking basic manners. My friend and I actually called him and left a rude message on his answering machine, telling him not to come out with us anymore if he cannot pay his tab and that we are all sick of his crap. My friend will not allow him in her house anymore since all he does is come over with the gang and drink all the alcohol, and he never brings anything to drink.

So needless to say, our friend is mad over the anwering machine message and saying we do not understand mental illness and I say, "don't be mad at us, you insist on dragging this guy everywhere, let him be the burdon on you, not us. YOU should have paid his part of the tab."

We do not know why this guy skipped out, he actually does have a job, and lives with his mom and brother, so it is not like he cannot afford to go out.

I say you cannot blame the mental illness on everything, this guy is just plain out rude to leave us with the tab.

What is everyone's thoughts on this?

upshutter17 12-28-2003 09:21 PM

Re: Dealing with someone who has schizophrenia
 
Have you tried talking one on one calmly with your friend about it? My dad is schizo....we don't want to take him anywhere because he pulls stunts like that. It's gotten to the point that we don't go anywhere...if we do, we lie and say we are doing something else. Like we are going to the store to buy something we need, if it takes a long time, we blame it on traffic. Seriously, we can't say we are going out, because he'll just be a weirdo and crazy. Maybe your friend takes him everywhere for certain reasons. I don't know...just a thought.
Upshutter

Samanthax 01-07-2004 03:49 AM

Re: Dealing with someone who has schizophrenia
 
You ask my thoughts on what you had to say. Well here they are. I think that you have no compassion and lack empathy for anyone that by no fault of thier own is sick. It is people like you that make it hard for people that are sick to seek help and to try and get better. I cant believe you actually left a message on his machine telling him not to go out with you. You obviously have no idea what it is like to have schizophrenia. Why dont you do some reading and then you will see how actually really hard it is to live with this devastating disorder. I'm sorry that this post is rude, but your post fueled me with anger, because I am mentally ill myself, I dont have schizophrenia, but my boyfriend does and it really hurts my feelings that someone like yourself can be so cold and mean!

greatkhan 01-07-2004 11:03 AM

Re: Dealing with someone who has schizophrenia
 
I thought people gain tolerance with age, obviously this is not true in your case.

Temperamental 01-07-2004 03:05 PM

Re: Dealing with someone who has schizophrenia
 
Mentally ill or not, this guy is still unpleasant to be around. It is also easy to blame mental illness on everything. It gets used for far too many excuses. I suppose that woman in Ohio trying to claim half of a jackpot for a lottery ticket she never had, also should be sympathized because of mental illness? I do not know this guy continues to tag along he seems bored, non talkative, anti-social, and then stiffs us with a bar tab. It does not mean we have to gain tolerance and like what he is doing. Me and my friend do not want him going out with us anymore, and we have told his cousins to leave him at home. He is a huge pain. He will show up somewhere and bum a ride off somebody, then 30 minutes later says he wants to go home and then bother somebody to go completely out of their way to take him home. He needs to sit his butt at home if he does not like going out. Until he is better he is just a nusiance. Still a pain and a burden on everyone. If his cousins are goign to drag him everywhere, they can pay for him, and drive his butt everywhere.

Samanthax 01-07-2004 05:59 PM

Re: Dealing with someone who has schizophrenia
 
LOL.. you just confirmed my first thoughts about you.... you are clueless and I know why you call yourself Temperamental it fits you pretty good, but I would probably go with something that fits you better like B*tch

Serene020 01-07-2004 09:14 PM

Re: Dealing with someone who has schizophrenia
 
[COLOR=Indigo]You knew your post would offend people but you posted it anyway. That's rather rude. I find your post extremely offensive. You should have asked questions versus posting something offensive. It is not offensive to ask questions and I'm sure that you have the writing skills to rewrite this so it would not be offensive. Some people (not all) with schizophrenia have difficulty with the overstimulation of being in a social environment. It can make their symptoms worse. They can be disorganized which is probably what happened to your friend's brother and cousin versus him being selfish. Schizophrenia most often occurs between the ages of 16-25 and strikes 1 in 100 people in any country. It is considerd the robber of youth. My son once made fun of a women who had schizophrenia and later remembered the experience when he was diagnosed himself and passed her on the street when walking with his dad. It was a deep learning experience for him. She was far more ill than him. If you add one word to your post and read it again you will see how offensive your post is. You have created a lesson for many people with your post though.[/COLOR]Quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally Posted by Temperamental
I don't know where to post this so I'll start here. I am sorry if this post offends people. Me and my friends all have been friends with a guy for about 10 years. He is really cool and we all like to go out and do stuff. He has a 2 cousins that go out with him alot to the bars, parties, etc.. Cousin #1 was diagnosed with a [B][COLOR=DarkRed]brain cancer [/COLOR] [/B] about 2 years ago. he does take his meds but social interaction has done nothing for him. He is wierd. This guy is basically very unpleasant to be around. He is completely anti social, acts and looks like he is always bored, complains he wants to go home when he is out with us. Wants people to drive out of their way so that somebody can take him home early, etc. Just sits in a chair and doesn't talk to anyone. We have no idea why out friend continues to drag him everywhere, he is just a pain because many times he never had any money and constantly mooches and borrows off of our friend. He also has a masters degree and even though he can hardly hold a job, thinks he is better than all of us.

The other night all of us met up for drinks and of course, our friend drags along his cancered cousin who does nothing but take up space and sit like a bump on a log even though the guy sitting next to him kept trying to talk to him and get him involved in conversations. The [B][COLOR=DarkRed]cancered [/COLOR] [/B] cousin was ordering drinks on the tab, which was fine, until he got up and left without paying his part. We noticed he didn't leave any money when we were $25 short. I TOLD my friend that since he insists on dragging his wierdo cousin everywhere he should pay his part of the tab. We have asked him again to leave his cousin at home but he doesn't. he said "he doesnt live with me, ask his brother to pay it" who was also there, and of course the brother is sort of a loser and barely paid his own tab. Neither guy that dragged along this guy would pay his part (which is lame and I cannot believe, especially since our friend makes over 100k a year) and left us to divide up wierdo's tab. I am sick and tired of this guy being a burden on everyone. Instead of blaming the [B][COLOR=DarkRed]brain cancer[/COLOR][/B], he is just rude and lacking basic manners. My friend and I actually called him and left a rude message on his answering machine, telling him not to come out with us anymore if he cannot pay his tab and that we are all sick of his crap. My friend will not allow him in her house anymore since all he does is come over with the gang and drink all the alcohol, and he never brings anything to drink.

So needless to say, our friend is mad over the anwering machine message and saying we do not understand [B][COLOR=DarkRed]brain cancer [/COLOR] [/B] and I say, "don't be mad at us, you insist on dragging this guy everywhere, let him be the burdon on you, not us. YOU should have paid his part of the tab."

We do not know why this guy skipped out, he actually does have a job, and lives with his mom and brother, so it is not like he cannot afford to go out.

I say you cannot blame the [B][COLOR=DarkRed]brain cancer [/COLOR] [/B] on everything, this guy is just plain out rude to leave us with the tab.

What is everyone's thoughts on this?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[COLOR=Indigo]
You should of left a message saying that he may have forgotten to pay his part of the tab so you payed it for him and if he could pay it back shortly it would be appreciated. You should also say that you are glad that he can join you guys when you go out. It is very simple and easy to give kindness and costs nothing but benefits everyone.

Take care [/COLOR]

m678 02-01-2004 01:41 AM

Re: Dealing with someone who has schizophrenia
 
[QUOTE=Temperamental]I don't know where to post this so I'll start here. I am sorry if this post offends people. Me and my friends all have been friends with a guy for about 10 years. He is really cool and we all like to go out and do stuff. He has a 2 cousins that go out with him alot to the bars, parties, etc.. Cousin #1 was diagnosed with schizophrenia about 2 years ago. he does take his meds but social interaction has done nothing for him. He is wierd. This guy is basically very unpleasant to be around. He is completely anti social, acts and looks like he is always bored, complains he wants to go home when he is out with us. Wants people to drive out of their way so that somebody can take him home early, etc. Just sits in a chair and doesn't talk to anyone. We have no idea why out friend continues to drag him everywhere, he is just a pain because many times he never had any money and constantly mooches and borrows off of our friend. He also has a masters degree and even though he can hardly hold a job, thinks he is better than all of us.

The other night all of us met up for drinks and of course, our friend drags along his schizo cousin who does nothing but take up space and sit like a bump on a log even though the guy sitting next to him kept trying to talk to him and get him involved in conversations. The scizo cousin was ordering drinks on the tab, which was fine, until he got up and left without paying his part. We noticed he didn't leave any money when we were $25 short. I TOLD my friend that since he insists on dragging his wierdo cousin everywhere he should pay his part of the tab. We have asked him again to leave his cousin at home but he doesn't. he said "he doesnt live with me, ask his brother to pay it" who was also there, and of course the brother is sort of a loser and barely paid his own tab. Neither guy that dragged along this guy would pay his part (which is lame and I cannot believe, especially since our friend makes over 100k a year) and left us to divide up wierdo's tab. I am sick and tired of this guy being a burden on everyone. Instead of blaming the schizo, he is just rude and lacking basic manners. My friend and I actually called him and left a rude message on his answering machine, telling him not to come out with us anymore if he cannot pay his tab and that we are all sick of his crap. My friend will not allow him in her house anymore since all he does is come over with the gang and drink all the alcohol, and he never brings anything to drink.

So needless to say, our friend is mad over the anwering machine message and saying we do not understand mental illness and I say, "don't be mad at us, you insist on dragging this guy everywhere, let him be the burdon on you, not us. YOU should have paid his part of the tab."

We do not know why this guy skipped out, he actually does have a job, and lives with his mom and brother, so it is not like he cannot afford to go out.

I say you cannot blame the mental illness on everything, this guy is just plain out rude to leave us with the tab.

What is everyone's thoughts on this?[/QUOTE]



I was afraid to reply with what I really thought , but now feel free to do so, since other posters allowed themselves to be honest.
I THINK YOU NEED TO GROW UP!
This guy has a serious illness and his relatives are trying to help him by getting him some practice at social interaction. Why don't you be mature about it. Your complaining about 25 bucks?? You think this guy is boring because he sits there like a lump? Maybe your too talkative and how would you like it if your buddies called and left you a message saying to stay home and not bother? I hope that they do, because I think you should be the one left at home by yourself, not this guy, who obviously really needs the opportunity opportunity to be around people. Yes , I agreed with you about your friend taking financial responsiblity since he is his relative, and coming as his guest. But I think you should be more polite, and just accept that he may not have the same social skills that you do, but how is he going to learn if he doesn't come along? I think you should just go off, and find a new group of friends if this situation doesn't work for you, I don't think it is fair for you to request that your friend leave his cousin at home. It doesn't seem like it's your choice to make!! Why don't you stay home??

bsimons14 03-01-2004 06:01 PM

Re: Dealing with someone who has schizophrenia
 
my father is skitzo and I had a co-worker that was skitzo. I never had any problems with either. Simply put it seems that if you keep it real with them and don't act like a punk you'll be fine.

They're really just like any other people however one thing that I've noticed is that regular boring people don't appeal to them. They need to be surrounded with people who are creative, original, open-minded and diverse. You seem to be the square pants, uptight, suburban stereotype that looks down on this sort of thing. Open up go to some mental hospitals, understand that if this dude is skitzo he could very well be in there but he's worked hard to stay out.

Bottom line if you don't want to hang out with the person don't. I'm sure he already knows. Maybe that's why he sits in a corner and doesn't talk to you. Also, there's nothing wrong from takin free drinks from a ***** a#s like you.

billiejean2003 03-01-2004 08:22 PM

Re: Dealing with someone who has schizophrenia
 
[QUOTE=Temperamental]I don't know where to post this so I'll start here. I am sorry if this post offends people. Me and my friends all have been friends with a guy for about 10 years. He is really cool and we all like to go out and do stuff. He has a 2 cousins that go out with him alot to the bars, parties, etc.. Cousin #1 was diagnosed with schizophrenia about 2 years ago. he does take his meds but social interaction has done nothing for him. He is wierd. This guy is basically very unpleasant to be around. He is completely anti social, acts and looks like he is always bored, complains he wants to go home when he is out with us. Wants people to drive out of their way so that somebody can take him home early, etc. Just sits in a chair and doesn't talk to anyone. We have no idea why out friend continues to drag him everywhere, he is just a pain because many times he never had any money and constantly mooches and borrows off of our friend. He also has a masters degree and even though he can hardly hold a job, thinks he is better than all of us.

The other night all of us met up for drinks and of course, our friend drags along his schizo cousin who does nothing but take up space and sit like a bump on a log even though the guy sitting next to him kept trying to talk to him and get him involved in conversations. The scizo cousin was ordering drinks on the tab, which was fine, until he got up and left without paying his part. We noticed he didn't leave any money when we were $25 short. I TOLD my friend that since he insists on dragging his wierdo cousin everywhere he should pay his part of the tab. We have asked him again to leave his cousin at home but he doesn't. he said "he doesnt live with me, ask his brother to pay it" who was also there, and of course the brother is sort of a loser and barely paid his own tab. Neither guy that dragged along this guy would pay his part (which is lame and I cannot believe, especially since our friend makes over 100k a year) and left us to divide up wierdo's tab. I am sick and tired of this guy being a burden on everyone. Instead of blaming the schizo, he is just rude and lacking basic manners. My friend and I actually called him and left a rude message on his answering machine, telling him not to come out with us anymore if he cannot pay his tab and that we are all sick of his crap. My friend will not allow him in her house anymore since all he does is come over with the gang and drink all the alcohol, and he never brings anything to drink.

So needless to say, our friend is mad over the anwering machine message and saying we do not understand mental illness and I say, "don't be mad at us, you insist on dragging this guy everywhere, let him be the burdon on you, not us. YOU should have paid his part of the tab."

We do not know why this guy skipped out, he actually does have a job, and lives with his mom and brother, so it is not like he cannot afford to go out.

I say you cannot blame the mental illness on everything, this guy is just plain out rude to leave us with the tab.

What is everyone's thoughts on this?[/QUOTE]


PERSONNALLY , I COULD NOT TAKE RE :dizzy: ADING ANYMORE OF YOUR RUDE LETTER, YOU ARE A VERY INCONSIDERATE, UNCOMPASSIONATE PERSON, I ONLY HOPE THAT YOU NEVER HAVE A LOVED ONE THAT HAS THIS AWFUL DISEASE, THIS PERSON CAN NOT HELP THE WAY THEY ARE, IT'S UNFORTUNATE THAT YOU ARE SUCH AN ***!!!!!!!!!
:dizzy: :dizzy: :dizzy:

BILLIEJEAN

upshutter17 03-02-2004 08:06 AM

Re: Dealing with someone who has schizophrenia
 
My dad is a paranoid schizo. I WISH he just sat around like a lump...I WISH! Instead, my dad starts situations with everyone, and causes a scene everywhere. Which one do you prefer?? One who sits around and just does nothing, or one who causes a scen, all the neighbors and people who meet him hate him, one who has caused more pain in this family than anything else x100??? My dad goes crazy thinking someone "they" are after him. I understand what you were thinking, but I understand that this guy is there instead of an institution. He could be much worse. Is a friendship worth $25?? Have you considered this situation again?? Or do you still take the same stand?
Upshutter

feelinfine 04-03-2004 02:22 AM

Re: Dealing with someone who has schizophrenia
 
Temperamental, I really think you should have found another place to vent your anger. Taking your anger out here was attacking to people with this disorder [U]and[/U] to people with family members who have this disorder. My brother has schizophrenia. And although the behaviors you described are rude, YOU were malicious. You are correct when you say you cannot blame mental illness for everything. However, if he was trying to reach out, you squelched any hope he had. I am quite sure he feels the same about you. Thank God he has his loyal cousin. It is wonderful that he was raised with such compassion and tolerance.

You certainly do not have to understand. And when YOU can no longer tolerate a behavior from a person --- you should walk away. Territorial battles should never leave the grade school playground.

I wish you and you friends luck, patience and tolerance. I cannot imagine how terrible you would feel if anything happened to this guy or his cousin. Or how you would help your friend if his cousin worsened because of your attitude and behavior. God Bless.

kamochyk 04-03-2004 12:09 PM

Re: Dealing with someone who has schizophrenia
 
my brother is schiz, and the fact that you can put someone down because they have a disorder they cannot help, kills me. if you only new how hard it was for them. my brother has a hard time coping, and breaks down. if u gave him the chance and tried to understand what it is they deal with it wouldnt be so hard.
when u judge others-you alow yourself to be judged-which in the end will only hurt u and those u love
its not worth it-smile and appriciate life

Ash4179 04-03-2004 07:23 PM

Re: Dealing with someone who has schizophrenia
 
Firstly If you gained mroe knowledge of schitzophrenia, maybe you would understand some of the things this kid has done or does. He himself does not realize things that he does. I think that Its rude that you keep labeling him as a schitzo. He is a schitzophrenic, but the way you keep over and over saying "this schitzo" is offending. Weather he has schitzophrenai or not HE IS STILL human.. Ya know its good to hear though that he is getting out of the house and hanging out with people and that "some" of your friends care enough to bring him out to have a little fun . So wht if he just sits there and not associate with anyone I wouldnt tlk much to you either if i were out with you. Gain a little more knowlege and maybe you yourself will understand why he does what he does. .

apinecone 04-10-2004 08:49 AM

Re: Dealing with someone who has schizophrenia
 
Temperamental's "'judge'MENTAL" tantrum reminds me of the lyrics from West Side Story "Officer Krupke":

"DIESEL ("Judge"):
Officer Krupke, you're really a square;
This boy don't need a judge, he needs an
analyst's care!
It's just his neurosis that oughta be curbed.
He's psychologic'ly disturbed!"

Office Krupke: you sound like you might be a tad alcoholic, too; not drinking would definitely help you avoid these disturbing situations you're complaining about.


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