It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Family & Friends of the Mentally Ill Message Board

  • Constant irritability and no sex drive

  • Post New Thread   Closed Thread
    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Old 03-02-2005, 01:22 PM   #1
    summergirl05
    Member
    (female)
     
    summergirl05's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Mar 2005
    Posts: 53
    summergirl05 HB User
    Constant irritability and no sex drive

    I'm not sure where to start, but almost 4 years ago after our last daughter was born, my husband starting experiencing back problems. Well as time went on and doctors kept prescribing and increasing medications, he was on Effexor xr, Klonopin, Toprol xl, Androderm patch, variety in pain medication, and sleep medication. For pain, anxiety, depression, fast heart rate and sleep problems. He was a totally different person.

    To make a long story short after he made an attempt on his life in December he has come off everything except the patch and now he is working on coming off the Toprol xl. (The effexor increased his heart rate so much that he had to go on heart medication to slow it down.) But now I deal with constant irritability and absolutely no sex drive. He is getting frustrated with these feelings (as well as I am) but he wonít do any kind of exercising which I know its helps physically as well as emotionally.

    He helps me around the house and with the kids, but he is still not himself. He always wants to be left alone and will sit in another room all by himself to avoid being around the rest of the family and I am trying to be patient and understanding, but I really donít know what to do to help. I have been trying supplements like B12, Calcium (cause he is in the beginning stages of osteoporosis), multi-vitamin, and he just started 400mg of magnesium. Heís a picky eater, so its hard to find things that heíll eat to help him eat better. I donít know if the antidepressant is the cause for him still not having any kind of a sex drive, those ended in January and Iím not even sure about the irritability. He has never had depression before, and when the back problems got worse and we couldnít find anyone at that time to help him, the antidepressants got increased by his doctor and depression did start setting in. I have read on other sites that on some people Toprol causes depression and loss of libido even after being on it for over a year. He's only on 25mg. Its hard to tell if thatís what started it to begin with since there were so many med changes during all this time. I hope someone here has some ideas on what I can do to help him or help me better understand what he is going thru. This has been really hard on our whole family and I really really miss my husband.

    Thanks for anything that you can give meÖ. And God Bless

     
    Sponsors Lightbulb
       
    Old 03-02-2005, 08:57 PM   #2
    desertflower
    Senior Member
    (female)
     
    desertflower's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Feb 2005
    Location: Texas
    Posts: 125
    desertflower HB User
    Re: Constant irritability and no sex drive

    Hi Summer,

    I can tell you that all those meds your husband has been on can cause a major drop in sex drive. I am on a small dose 37.5 mg of Effexor and with just that I didn't have any problems with the sex drive but then they added Tenormin which is in the same class of meds as Toprol and my sex drive went to hell. I am only on 25mg also. I don't know what to do either so I think I am going to go off the Tenormin and pray it comes back the way it was. I hope you find some answers and if you do, let me know, maybe I can get some advice from you guys. I do think once he gets tappered off most of everything it will probably return. Also just an FYI, Effexor can cause irritation, have had that more since I started taking it. I know he is off of it now but the Doc told me it can take a while for your body to readjust to not having it anymore. Maybe he is just really in a depression right now. Good luck to you guys.

    D

    Last edited by desertflower; 03-02-2005 at 09:00 PM.

     
    Old 03-03-2005, 06:07 AM   #3
    millpark26
    Veteran
    (male)
     
    millpark26's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Feb 2004
    Posts: 364
    millpark26 HB User
    Re: Constant irritability and no sex drive

    Summergirl05 ~

    Does he drink diet sodas or eat things w/ Nutrasweet (aka, aspartame) in it?

    If so, he might be suffering from aspertame toxicity. It affected me so I know the symptoms are real. Some of the common symptoms include:

    Rapid Heart Beat, Tachycardia (frequent NutraSweet reaction)
    Memory Loss / Brain fog (common Nutrasweet toxicity effects)
    Chronic Fatigue
    Panic Attacks (common aspartame toxicity reaction)
    Dizziness
    Tremors
    Migraines and Severe Headaches (Trigger or Cause From Chronic Intake)
    Slurring of Speech
    Numbness or Tingling of Extremities
    Depression
    Insomnia
    Irritability
    Marked Personality Changes
    Phobias
    Asthmatic Reactions
    Chest Pains
    Hypertension (High Blood Pressure)
    Nausea or Vomiting
    Diarrhea
    Abdominal Pain
    Swallowing Pain
    Itching
    Hives (Urticaria)
    Other Allergic-Like Reactions
    Blood Sugar Control Problems (Hypoglycemia or Hyperglycemia)
    Menstrual Problems or Changes
    Impotency and Sexual Problems
    Craving for Food
    Weight Gain
    Hair Loss (Baldness) or Thinning of Hair
    Burning Urination
    Excessive Thirst or Hunger
    Bloating, Edema (Fluid Retention)
    Infection Susceptibility
    Joint Pains
    Brain Cancer (Pre-approval studies in animals)
    Seizures and Convulsions
    Death

     
    Old 03-03-2005, 07:02 AM   #4
    summergirl05
    Member
    (female)
     
    summergirl05's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Mar 2005
    Posts: 53
    summergirl05 HB User
    Re: Constant irritability and no sex drive

    My husband drinks diet sodas once in a blue moon and uses equal when he drinks tea, but thats not very often these days either. He usually just drinks water or none caffinated beverages...

    This is just so hard, cause this is so not like him to wake up every morning and be in an irritable mood and carry that mood pretty much thru the day. Its to the point where he has a hard time even kissing me. I'm sure that this is also effecting his sex drive. We used to be so very close and now all I can do is pray for the man I married to come back. I know its not just me, cause he is also distant from our kids.

     
    Old 03-03-2005, 02:41 PM   #5
    Kymberlee
    Veteran
    (female)
     
    Kymberlee's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Aug 2004
    Location: Akron, Ohio
    Posts: 458
    Kymberlee HB User
    Re: Constant irritability and no sex drive

    Hey,there...I understand what you're going thru. My hubby has been on & off meds. for depression and it has affected our marriage & family--big time. Depression not only affects the one who is depressed---it is a family illness. Please read the posts about spouses & depression. Also there are some great books out there about depression & families. I have been going to the library and trying to learn all I can about this so I can help my husband AND take care of myself and my child. I'm also back in counseling to deal with all my feelings. (Which is helping me.) My husband & I will be going to counseling TOGETHER very soon--which I'm hopeful about. I know what you mean when you say you miss your husband, lover & friend. I miss mine, too. Please remember that this whole thing is a process and it takes time to work thru this stuff. Also remember that you have support here and it's safe to vent anytime you need to! You are NOT alone! God Bless and may His face shine upon you! Kym

     
    Old 03-03-2005, 07:48 PM   #6
    summergirl05
    Member
    (female)
     
    summergirl05's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Mar 2005
    Posts: 53
    summergirl05 HB User
    Re: Constant irritability and no sex drive

    Kymberlee... you are so sweet. This has been so hard and so long. My youngest daughter doesn't even know her father. She has never known him for the wonderful warm loving person he once was. I have been doing so much reading and researching to try to help him, but he doesn't really want to do anything. Its like he has given up. He is a very stubborn person. We have gone thru 3 marriage counselors cause he keeps quiting. He won't see anyone and he won't try anything new (like exercise, eating healthier. etc). I am really at a loss right now, not knowing what to do. To him, nothing seems to work so why try. His answers have always been in a pill form.

    Even tonight, out of the blue, he just upped and disappeared to go be by himself. Telling me that he just wants to be alone. This happens every single day. And it is so hard on our family. I have to take care of everything, the house, our 3 girls and the animals and everything else that comes along as well as work full-time. It takes a toll on me at times. And today happens to be one of them. I wish I could just take it from him and deal with it myself. My oldest, which is a teenager, asks a lot of questions and my youngest really doesn't want to do anything with her dad, and she used to be a daddy's girl. Everytime I try to involve him in something, he just wants to be left alone. So I just don't know what to do anymore.

    Thank you so much for all of your support... It helps to know that there are people out there that care and give such wonderful support. I wish you luck on your counseling session. I hope everything turns out perfect.

    Thank you and God Bless..

     
    Old 03-04-2005, 08:31 AM   #7
    Kymberlee
    Veteran
    (female)
     
    Kymberlee's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Aug 2004
    Location: Akron, Ohio
    Posts: 458
    Kymberlee HB User
    Re: Constant irritability and no sex drive

    Boy, Do I ever KNOW how you feel! There have been times that my husband would get home from work and just go into the bedroom (without saying a thing to me or our son) and dissapear. I would go in there and say, "Don't you want to eat? Dinner's ready..." He'd say, "no. not now. I have a headache and have to sleep for awhile." He would totally remove himself from our family life. It would hurt. I would just go on with my "normal" stuff with our son to try to keep HIS life as good as I can. I often feel like a single parent. It's very hard--not only on YOU, but your children. There have been times that our son (who's 5) would say to me, "Let's go someplace, Mom." I'd say, "Let's ask Dad to come." My son would say, "Naw...he won't come. I just want you." It's very sad because my husband has lost that special time with our son. He will only be little once and WANT us around! (LOL) I'm trying to spend as much time with him as I can and enjoy this together. My husband has taken himself off his meds. and has refused treatment and counseling in the past. I'm still waiting for him to refuse help, now. I know I shouldn't be so negative, but it's hard when the history has been that way. I just take one day at a time and try to live my life as happy as I can. I know that may sound cold, but you HAVE to take care of yourself. Hang in there and keep praying. Turn to God for your every need and He will provide you more than you can possibly know! Keep posting! LV, Kym

     
    Old 03-04-2005, 09:27 AM   #8
    summergirl05
    Member
    (female)
     
    summergirl05's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Mar 2005
    Posts: 53
    summergirl05 HB User
    Re: Constant irritability and no sex drive

    Kymberlee you are so right. My husbands the same way. Its just so hard when we have needs and your spouse keeps consistently rejecting you and pushing you away. It really does get so hard. At times I wonderful if there is someone else in his life. He gets so mean and so cold when he is like this, which these days is pretty much consistently. Its hard to hold on. He tends to threaten me with divorce when he gets upset, which is a lot. Then later when I approach him when things die down, I ask him if thats what he really wants and he says no. That he doesn't know why he treats me the way he does and that he is so frustrated by it. But he won't go see a counselor and vent. He is the type that won't talk, he'll hold everything inside. Between the holding everything in and the meds, thats what caused his suicide attempt. After his attempt he was in group sessions and was doing great, but after that ended, he stopped talking.

    I take each day one day at a time. I try to do everything I can to try and keep my childrens lives as normal as possible. I feel that I have been a single parent now for almost 4 years. I have become more of a caretaker/roommate, then a wife. At night I usually will end up going to bed alone, cause he will leave the room and want to be alone when its time for bed and come to bed sometime in the early morning hours. Its hard. I pray to the lord almost everynight and sometimes days for a miracle.

    I try to keep my mind focused and keep active. It seems to help! My daughters keep me hopping and I have very loving pets that always want attention. So I am pulled every which way and I love it. I need it. I just hope one day my husband will once again be a part of it. But I'm not giving up, there are to many options out there these days. I prefer the natural form instead of the perscription form. I have watched what medications have done to him, now its trying to be patient and find ways to clean his system of that poison to see if he ever really needed it. He just came off of Effexor 6 weeks ago, so I don't know if that has a baring on him still with the irritability and sex drive. I guess time will tell.

    Sounds like we are in the same boat here. This board has been wonderful with all the advice and support. How long has it been since your husband has taken his last medications. Is he on anything now?

    I'm keeping you in my prayers and wish you the best of luck. God bless..

     
    Old 03-07-2005, 12:19 PM   #9
    Kymberlee
    Veteran
    (female)
     
    Kymberlee's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Aug 2004
    Location: Akron, Ohio
    Posts: 458
    Kymberlee HB User
    Re: Constant irritability and no sex drive

    Hey, there! My husband is now on Effexor--his Doc just upped the dose and it has helped! We plan to go to counseling together when my husband's not traveling for his job. This would be the FIRST time we go and get real help together. In the past, he has refused counseling together. He told me the other day that he was sorry that he hasn't "been there as a husband" for me. That was huge for him and I'm thankful that he said that. He still has not told me he loves me, but all his actions are proving to me that he does, indead, love me. I just hope he can say those 3 words--they mean alot to me. We haven't had sex for 5 months now---that's so hard! It's so hard to wait because I've always been a very sexual, loving person. Oh, well, I know he's worth the wait! I have wondered the same thing a couple of times...does he have another woman??? But I know now that the answer is no----it's his depression. It's very hard to be rejected all the time and not wonder that or if something is wrong with you! My hubby has told me before that he wants a divorce. Last time he said this, I said,"Well, I don't want that. I want to work on this marriage together. I'm not going anywhere. If you want that, you'll have to be the one to file for divorce." Then, after I say that, he clams up and doesn't talk about it again. It's very hard to be strong all the time...Keep posting and let me know what's going on! LV, Kym.

     
    Old 03-07-2005, 12:31 PM   #10
    summergirl05
    Member
    (female)
     
    summergirl05's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Mar 2005
    Posts: 53
    summergirl05 HB User
    Re: Constant irritability and no sex drive

    Kymberlee, I am so glad to hear that things are going better for you. You and your son truly deserve it. This whole process is so hard on a family and family is so important. I know the feeling of hearing those words, they mean a lot to me also. I usually am the one to say them first, so I know how it feels when they don't initiate things, even kiss and hugs. Just like the feeling of rejection, I know it well with my husband. He tends to do things deliberately to hurt me. He even admits it and says that he doesn't know why he treats me the way he does. But it sounds as though things with your husband are finally moving in the right direction. Hopefully everything else will fall on that same path where things keep getting better and better.

    Keep my posted. I am sending a hug your way.... Good Luck and God Bless...
    LV, Summer

     
    Old 03-07-2005, 01:49 PM   #11
    brett24
    Senior Veteran
    (male)
     
    brett24's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jan 2005
    Location: La Barraca De Aguas Vivas
    Posts: 729
    brett24 HB User
    Re: Constant irritability and no sex drive

    all those different meds have probably temporarily messed up his chemical balance in the brain. this can really mess with u, the sex drive problem should hopefully disapear after a while, ive heard others who have had the same problem and then it returns slowly over months. it must be really hard to have u lose ur husband like that. my brother is depressed and his wife sounds very much like u, she is upset at how he is acting, disasociating himself from her and evryone else, sitting alone etc, its hard for him as well, just hang in there and hopefully things will work out, finger crossed for ur family!

    Brett

     
    Old 03-07-2005, 04:38 PM   #12
    summergirl05
    Member
    (female)
     
    summergirl05's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Mar 2005
    Posts: 53
    summergirl05 HB User
    Re: Constant irritability and no sex drive

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by brett24
    all those different meds have probably temporarily messed up his chemical balance in the brain. this can really mess with u, the sex drive problem should hopefully disapear after a while, ive heard others who have had the same problem and then it returns slowly over months. it must be really hard to have u lose ur husband like that. my brother is depressed and his wife sounds very much like u, she is upset at how he is acting, disasociating himself from her and evryone else, sitting alone etc, its hard for him as well, just hang in there and hopefully things will work out, finger crossed for ur family!

    Brett
    Thank you so much Brett, I am definitely keeping my fingers crossed and praying everyday for this one miracle, to bring him back. I hope one day soon it will be granted. He truly is a wonderful man. I hope our youngest will one day get to know the dad I used to remember before she grows up.
    Thank you again so very much... and God Bless

     
    Old 03-07-2005, 07:36 PM   #13
    Kymberlee
    Veteran
    (female)
     
    Kymberlee's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Aug 2004
    Location: Akron, Ohio
    Posts: 458
    Kymberlee HB User
    Re: Constant irritability and no sex drive

    Summer and Brett: Thanks to you both for posting! Summer---you hang in there, girlfriend! I hope you are right about my hubby headed for the right direction. I don't get too excited anymore because of his history of going off his meds. and believing he's really not depressed. I am hopeful...just taking it one day at a time. I'm also learning thru my counseling that I cannot hinge my life on what he's going to do or not going to do. That's very hard to let go of. I have to remind myself everyday that this is HIS stuff and only HE can make the effort to get better by taking his meds. as prescribed and going to counseling. I cannot "fix" him or make this all go away. (I wish I could!) Anyhoo, please know that I am praying for you and your family! Keep the faith and NEVER, EVER forget that you are NOT alone in this! I am here and just a click away from talking it over. That in itself helps me more than you know! LV, Kym.

     
    Old 03-08-2005, 08:53 AM   #14
    summergirl05
    Member
    (female)
     
    summergirl05's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Mar 2005
    Posts: 53
    summergirl05 HB User
    Re: Constant irritability and no sex drive

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Kymberlee
    Summer and Brett: Thanks to you both for posting! Summer---you hang in there, girlfriend! I hope you are right about my hubby headed for the right direction. I don't get too excited anymore because of his history of going off his meds. and believing he's really not depressed. I am hopeful...just taking it one day at a time. I'm also learning thru my counseling that I cannot hinge my life on what he's going to do or not going to do. That's very hard to let go of. I have to remind myself everyday that this is HIS stuff and only HE can make the effort to get better by taking his meds. as prescribed and going to counseling. I cannot "fix" him or make this all go away. (I wish I could!) Anyhoo, please know that I am praying for you and your family! Keep the faith and NEVER, EVER forget that you are NOT alone in this! I am here and just a click away from talking it over. That in itself helps me more than you know! LV, Kym.
    Kym, you are so very right about him having to do the right thing for himself. You can't do it for him. Believe me I know from experience. I know the feeling very well about not wanting to get your hopes up to fast when things start looking up. When you get hurt so many times you get very scared of having it happen again. I know that deep down you tend to still get your hopes up anyway, its hard not to when you go thru what we've been thru for so long. You tend to pray that one day that things will finally stay on the right path once and for all. I'm praying for ya Kym and hope this time it works with no more yo-yo effect. You all need and deserve it. Sending a hug your way... LV Summer

     
    Old 03-09-2005, 08:01 AM   #15
    Kymberlee
    Veteran
    (female)
     
    Kymberlee's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Aug 2004
    Location: Akron, Ohio
    Posts: 458
    Kymberlee HB User
    Re: Constant irritability and no sex drive

    Summer--Thank-you! You and YOUR family need and deserve to be happy, as well! We'll just keep hangin' in there---together! Take Care, Girlfriend! Kym.

     
    Closed Thread

    Related Topics
    Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
    my constant pain and suffering DENIED VETERAN Liver & Pancreas Disorders 4 08-01-2010 09:11 AM
    Constant annoying pressure, anyone ever solved it? Benit Brain & Nervous System Disorders 65 07-10-2010 12:59 AM
    CONSTANT DIZZINESS - 3 years TheGent Ear, Nose & Throat 16 01-01-2010 10:48 PM
    Suffering from almost constant lightheadedness LukeW Brain & Nervous System Disorders 47 02-26-2008 04:15 AM
    MS and anger/irritability asdf Multiple Sclerosis 12 11-13-2007 07:35 AM
    What's the Difference between BP irritability and PMS? Sunka Bipolar Disorder 6 10-30-2007 01:23 AM
    irritability PeskyRabbit Anxiety 5 02-06-2006 07:39 PM
    Irritability??? goofyafter2 Bipolar Disorder 56 06-09-2005 09:27 AM
    constant dizziness problems along with vision/fatigue/confusion/balance problems jonp Inner Ear Disorders 35 03-27-2004 02:33 PM




    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Search this Thread:

    Advanced Search

    Posting Rules
    You may not post new threads
    You may not post replies
    You may not post attachments
    You may not edit your posts

    BB code is On
    Smilies are On
    [IMG] code is Off
    HTML code is Off
    Trackbacks are Off
    Pingbacks are Off
    Refbacks are Off




    Sign Up Today!

    Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

    I want my free account

    All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:11 PM.





    © 2021 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
    Do not copy or redistribute in any form!