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    Old 03-06-2005, 07:40 PM   #1
    MIpigpen
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    Can you FAKE depression?

    I have raced to my husband when he needs me during a horrible bout of depression. I have excussed, been humble, taken a kick in the teeth (so to speak) and spend my nights alone...no hugs, not one kiss and never hear a word about how my hair-nails-tan-body....blah,blah, look. He says it's the depression.

    Tonight, we went on a walk with out little guys- 1 year and 4 year. We passed a neighbor and her little girl. She's almost 6 foot, long blond hair, skin tight jeans, great pink lipstick and all smiles. Hey...she's hot.

    Mr. "I don't have any feelings" could not keep away from her! Gosh, throw out your tissue and drool all over the neighbor!

    Doesn't bother me that he has a pulse...bothers me that he tells me he is "dead inside" and the first female around....whatever!".

    His excuse for being "cold" is depression. Is this a sham?

     
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    Old 03-06-2005, 08:03 PM   #2
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    Re: Can you FAKE depression?

    I have to honestly say it is a real possibility that it's all a sham. I think anyone can fake depression...they may not be able to get away with it with medical professionals, but they can certainly pull the wool over the eyes of those who know little or nothing about the illness.

    I hope this isn't the case for you.

     
    Old 03-06-2005, 08:20 PM   #3
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    Re: Can you FAKE depression?

    Yes, of course. Even if he were faking, I bet he'd have an easy time getting some pills.

     
    Old 03-06-2005, 09:00 PM   #4
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    Re: Can you FAKE depression?

    Okay....my advice is below. Stupid arse me posted it twice. LOL

    Now I feel like this little guy

    Last edited by Samantha317; 03-06-2005 at 09:13 PM. Reason: posted twice...duh

     
    Old 03-06-2005, 09:08 PM   #5
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    Re: Can you FAKE depression?

    I don't know if this a sham or not but, I think you should listen to your instincts. Why are you asking these questions...besides of course the neighbor? It sure sounds like something doesn't add up.

    The answer to your question can you fake depression? I have seen a couple of people fake depression. They have even fooled some professionals. The truth did finally catch up with both of them. They both have had severe depression and are on a LOT of drugs. I just hope they learned their lessons of deceit.

    I would not make a big deal out of this neighbor incident. Take a step back and try to look at the situation objectively. Try to observe him and his actions. See if he is doing the "depression" for attention or maybe there is a problem there that you don't want to face. I don't know....I am not there and I don't have your feelings. I am just wondering if there are some problems that need to be addressed. I am not saying don't talk to him about the incident EVER...or maybe you already have. What were his reactions? Did you believe him? Sometimes you have to look at your relationship and not be blinded by the love or just love blindly. I am not sure I have made any sense to you. I wish the very best for both of you and your little ones.

    Sam

     
    Old 03-06-2005, 09:28 PM   #6
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    Re: Can you FAKE depression?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Samantha317
    I don't know if this a sham or not but, I think you should listen to your instincts. Why are you asking these questions...besides of course the neighbor? It sure sounds like something doesn't add up.

    The answer to your question can you fake depression? I have seen a couple of people fake depression. They have even fooled some professionals. The truth did finally catch up with both of them. They both have had severe depression and are on a LOT of drugs. I just hope they learned their lessons of deceit.

    I am not saying don't talk to him about the incident EVER...or maybe you already have. What were his reactions? Did you believe him? Sometimes you have to look at your relationship and not be blinded by the love or just love blindly. I am not sure I have made any sense to you. I wish the very best for both of you and your little ones.

    Sam
    Thank you!!! Good reply...however, it kind of is tough to "think".

    I did not mention the incident with the cute blonde neighbor (again, not her fault!) It just hit me hard as I thought abought the many...many...many months I have spent in a cold bed.

    After my 1st son I became super skinny...a size 2. He never noticed. After 15 months of preg...I am still a size 10. He has told me I need to work out.
    This is tough...I have so many male friends (yes...sort of pigs) that have been all over me, but I do not cheat! I haven't been huged in months!

    I understand depression, but can you pick and chose symptoms?

     
    Old 03-06-2005, 09:57 PM   #7
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    Re: Can you FAKE depression?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by MIpigpen
    Thank you!!! Good reply...however, it kind of is tough to "think".

    I did not mention the incident with the cute blonde neighbor (again, not her fault!) It just hit me hard as I thought abought the many...many...many months I have spent in a cold bed.

    After my 1st son I became super skinny...a size 2. He never noticed. After 15 months of preg...I am still a size 10. He has told me I need to work out.
    This is tough...I have so many male friends (yes...sort of pigs) that have been all over me, but I do not cheat! I haven't been huged in months!

    I understand depression, but can you pick and chose symptoms?
    I can't help but think there is something else going on. Red flags are going up all over the place when you talk about this. I don't think it has to do with you. I have suffered from depression for 10+ years. I haven't had the luxury of picking and choosing my symptoms. I agree depression sucks but, no hugs, no kisses, not noticing you and maybe it is just a "mens" thing. I don't think so. I would be doing some serious talking to him and getting some counseling for both of you...together. My thoughts are...and I am assuming he is on meds...but even if he is on meds and has no desire sexually. He should at least want to or even be concerned about YOUR needs too. Just my opinion. Hope it helps.

    Sam

     
    Old 03-06-2005, 10:06 PM   #8
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    Re: Can you FAKE depression?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Samantha317
    I can't help but think there is something else going on. Red flags are going up all over the place when you talk about this. I don't think it has to do with you. I have suffered from depression for 10+ years. I haven't had the luxury of picking and choosing my symptoms. I agree depression sucks but, no hugs, no kisses, not noticing you and maybe it is just a "mens" thing. I don't think so. I would be doing some serious talking to him and getting some counseling for both of you...together. My thoughts are...and I am assuming he is on meds...but even if he is on meds and has no desire sexually. He should at least want to or even be concerned about YOUR needs too. Just my opinion. Hope it helps.

    Sam
    Oh Gosh...thank you for your thoughts.
    I do think he is picking "issues". Looking back, I think he has been hit with depression for years--but in his mid 30's, it has escalated. His entire family suffers from this...but of course, it's termed "BLUE".

    I love him. He needs me. Still, I can't sacrafice myself. Can this ever end?

     
    Old 03-06-2005, 10:28 PM   #9
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    Re: Can you FAKE depression?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by MIpigpen
    Oh Gosh...thank you for your thoughts.
    I do think he is picking "issues". Looking back, I think he has been hit with depression for years--but in his mid 30's, it has escalated. His entire family suffers from this...but of course, it's termed "BLUE".

    I love him. He needs me. Still, I can't sacrafice myself. Can this ever end?
    I know you love him and I do understand that it is hard to step back and look at your own situation and be objective about it. That is why I would recommend the joint counseling.

    He does need you. BUT! YOU ALSO NEED HIM! This is a partnership. If one person is doing more to contribute to the relationship...... or even if it SEEMS like they are doing more to contribute.... then there is going to be a problem.
    If you think that you are giving more and getting back less in return.....that is not good. That only leads to resentment. There needs to be an open line of communication and you shouldn't HAVE to ask for your needs to be met. In my opinion that is not a healthy relationship. As far as the depression goes and figures into the mix....I would still be wanting some answers.

    Good luck,
    Sam

     
    Old 03-07-2005, 08:28 AM   #10
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    Re: Can you FAKE depression?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by MIpigpen
    I have raced to my husband when he needs me during a horrible bout of depression. I have excussed, been humble, taken a kick in the teeth (so to speak) and spend my nights alone...no hugs, not one kiss and never hear a word about how my hair-nails-tan-body....blah,blah, look. He says it's the depression.

    Tonight, we went on a walk with out little guys- 1 year and 4 year. We passed a neighbor and her little girl. She's almost 6 foot, long blond hair, skin tight jeans, great pink lipstick and all smiles. Hey...she's hot.

    Mr. "I don't have any feelings" could not keep away from her! Gosh, throw out your tissue and drool all over the neighbor!

    Doesn't bother me that he has a pulse...bothers me that he tells me he is "dead inside" and the first female around....whatever!".

    His excuse for being "cold" is depression. Is this a sham?
    Hello. Faking depression has always been an issue with me. My psych at a hospital was convinced I was faking it. He even sent me to a job-hunting service for those recovered from mental illness. Then that service decided I was faking it (it was showing but they were not qualified to diagnose) -- I think they thought I was coasting on welfare (some career aspiration). I left them and my MD referred me to a psych who I told my problems to, also that so many people thought I was faking it, and he said "of course you're depressed, you show all the signs."

    There was much relief and I am finally not suicidal. The problem with me is that you could explode a bomb beside me and you wouldn't think I noticed -- but I jumped sky-high inside.

    But I am stealing your post -- as a man all I can say is that it is in men to be instantly responsive to any sight sexual -- any man -- I was seriously depressed for decades and I still found women most attractive.
    Is this a case of "familiarity breeds contempt"? I don't mean that he is holding you in contempt, but can you see what I mean in the general CONCEPT ot the idea -- familiarity breeds no sexual response. Now this idea is NOT YOUR FAULT if it were true, I just want you to see some from the man's side of life.

    Although he certainly may be faking it (I personally find that to be repulsive) there is an equal chance that he responded to a sudden primal urge that is suppressed in his familiarity with you (ouch! generally not personally) and his depression -- that home equals depression (Unfortunately but NOT WITH MALICE including you) and the new environment on your walk brought out our primal urge. Snap your fingers and any man CAN be "ready". That easily and without control.

    I hope I have not confused, offended, or misled you. But I think you need to see the male side of the coin -- we males are not usually great at noticing things like hair and tan and those "little things" at the best of times, and our libido, however suppressed, may certainly flare up in the spontaneity of a new environment without any control on his part. Take it from me, a chronic depressive.

    Please reply with your response to my post so I may set straight anything I may have written which may cause something bad.

    Love, xpax

     
    Old 03-07-2005, 09:12 AM   #11
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    Re: Can you FAKE depression?

    MIpigpen,

    It almost sounds like we could be married to the same guy!! (oddly enough..I hail from the great MI myself!!)

    When I first met my husband, I was depression ignorant!! I had no reason to doubt anything he told me in regards to his depresson. But as the years went by.... I began wondering if this wasn't just a convenient excuse for him to be extremely self centered and self serving. Oh yes, there were times (numerous in fact) that he seemed to be able to pull a "bout of it" conveniently out of his....eh hum......!! And yes, being the "seasoned vet" I am now.....realize it is all too easy to get diagnosed depressed. However, truth be told, he really IS depressed.....and at times...severly so. Of this I have no doubt.

    While I'm not sure if this helps you at all.....please don't discount the fact that he really could have depression......but maybe is just keen enough to utilize it to it's utmost. Try not to take it too personally, I know that isn't easy. I would, however, bring it up to your hubby. It is possible that he may not be aware of his actions, or how they are making you feel (men really can be ignorant about this). Just my 2 cents.....


    mj

     
    Old 03-07-2005, 09:53 AM   #12
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    Question Re: Can you FAKE depression?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by macsjuls
    MIpigpen,

    It almost sounds like we could be married to the same guy!! (oddly enough..I hail from the great MI myself!!)

    When I first met my husband, I was depression ignorant!! I had no reason to doubt anything he told me in regards to his depresson. But as the years went by.... I began wondering if this wasn't just a convenient excuse for him to be extremely self centered and self serving. Oh yes, there were times (numerous in fact) that he seemed to be able to pull a "bout of it" conveniently out of his....eh hum......!! And yes, being the "seasoned vet" I am now.....realize it is all too easy to get diagnosed depressed. However, truth be told, he really IS depressed.....and at times...severly so. Of this I have no doubt.

    While I'm not sure if this helps you at all.....please don't discount the fact that he really could have depression......but maybe is just keen enough to utilize it to it's utmost. Try not to take it too personally, I know that isn't easy. I would, however, bring it up to your hubby. It is possible that he may not be aware of his actions, or how they are making you feel (men really can be ignorant about this). Just my 2 cents.....


    mj
    Hello woman. I am a man. xpax. See my previous post in this thread.

    That is often the cause of much division between woman and man. The man may seem totally ignorant of how you feel, but as I said before, man is not generally the type to always notice the "nuances" of the woman. (If you have a serious feeling that you feel he is ignoring, kindly tell him. Love goes a long way) We are the the one who "kills the meat and brings it home". Especially in depression we do tend to be self-centered and ignorant of the woman's "nuances" (but not of her being there I hope ).

    If he seems to be pulling the depression bouts at the most appropriate times, before I would look for blame I would try to identify the triggers -- speaking from experience.
    Exactly what certain kinds of things rouse the depression? Precisely what sort of things can he handle? Are these things consistent or do they change? All that can be very telling. That should be what tells you if he is keen enough to use it to it's utmost.

    Praying for the best, xpax

    Last edited by xpax; 03-07-2005 at 10:07 AM.

     
    Old 03-07-2005, 11:03 AM   #13
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    Re: Can you FAKE depression?

    Why would anyone in their right mind fake depression? So he finds a neighbor attractive and acts like an idiot around her. Just because you are depressed does not mean that who you are is not in there somewhere and it shows itself. Sure day to day things may hold no interest but that does not mean he is dead. Men are men depressed or not.

     
    Old 03-07-2005, 12:19 PM   #14
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    Smile Re: Can you FAKE depression?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by xpax
    Hello woman. I am a man. xpax. See my previous post in this thread.

    That is often the cause of much division between woman and man. The man may seem totally ignorant of how you feel, but as I said before, man is not generally the type to always notice the "nuances" of the woman. (If you have a serious feeling that you feel he is ignoring, kindly tell him. Love goes a long way) We are the the one who "kills the meat and brings it home". Especially in depression we do tend to be self-centered and ignorant of the woman's "nuances" (but not of her being there I hope ).

    If he seems to be pulling the depression bouts at the most appropriate times, before I would look for blame I would try to identify the triggers -- speaking from experience.
    Exactly what certain kinds of things rouse the depression? Precisely what sort of things can he handle? Are these things consistent or do they change? All that can be very telling. That should be what tells you if he is keen enough to use it to it's utmost.

    Praying for the best, xpax
    Thank you xpax, for taking the time to so proficiently and eloquently put into words what I was trying to convey. I really need to learn to overlook my immediate passion on any given subject and to take the time necessary to avoid responding in such a crude and hurried manner. Just one of my idiosyncrasies I guess.

    mj

    Last edited by macsjuls; 03-07-2005 at 01:11 PM.

     
    Old 03-07-2005, 12:41 PM   #15
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    Re: Can you FAKE depression?

    have u actually asked him directly about what has happened and his depression? its poss something is going on or maybe its nothing. talking is often the best and most direct route to solving problems. but he sounsd a bit crappy telling u to work out etc, it shouldnt matter what u look like, he should still love u!! i hate people like that! good luck and take care

    Brett

     
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