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PLEASE! help my child and I to understand

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Old 06-29-2005, 10:37 AM   #1
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 5
Animation HB User
Unhappy PLEASE! help my child and I to understand

ok here is the thing I'm a young mom (23) and my girl is almost 4 years old and her dad was diagnosed with bipolar and manic depressive behaviors when she was only a week old.Threwout our relationship he was pretty ok not that bad but when I got pregnet is when it got really bad he went into a deep depression. I didn't know when it was the real him or the fake him. as he would say it got so bad when she was about one years old I could not take it any more so I left him for our safty. My daughter has seen all of his sides and they were never bad at her but she watch how he was to me and others. he has always been good with her and she makes him so happy! but at 4 years old she understands when it is not the real him and, how he will go from one to the other in secs. One week he want to see her and then he wont see her for a month or so and in that time all he does is go to work in a factory and the rest of the time he sits in a dark room by himself he don't want to kill himsilf any more but I don't understand what he wants. he feels that 24 hours with her is a long time to handle without him in his eyes "panicking" our daughter don't understand why she can't see her dad for a good period of time. how can we try to understand whats going on with him and how do I get her to understand whats going on. He is on lots of meds but they never seem to work I feel and I know it is wrong for me to say to him but I tell him "you are a dad and you need to take responsibility" I so know that it is wrong of me so that is why WE need help! some one PLEASE HELP!

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Old 06-29-2005, 01:12 PM   #2
Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 470
Picali HB User
Re: PLEASE! help my child and I to understand

Hi Animation

It's not wrong for you to tell him to take responsibility, it's completely fair and you are having to take responsibility for both of you at the moment so please don't give yourself a hard time about it.

It's a really hard situation and I don't know how much help I can be - it's tough when kids are involved. I have a three year old boy who's had to go and live with my sister on occassions when I'm unwell - we tell him that I love him very much but that I'm poorly and I can't take care of him at the minute - he seems to understand. I guess that's as much as you can tell your little girl at the minute that Daddy's sick and he's not well enough to see her for the time being. I'm wondering if you can get any support for yourself? I don't know where you are - in the UK we have a couple of charities that support parents in situations like this, plus things like family mediation where you can talk issues through - that can sometimes help. Has he got any family that can talk to him and try and encourage him to see her regularly, even when he's not at his best? It would be better for her to see him regularly, even if that were less frequent?

Let us know how you're getting on

Picali x

Old 06-30-2005, 12:28 PM   #3
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 5
Animation HB User
Re: PLEASE! help my child and I to understand

Picali x
I would love to ask his family but his mother babies him and he is 26 she thinks that he needs to get his head clear before he can be a dad. see another part of the problom is his mother has schizophrenic tendanies about everything and everyone around her. She seems to somehow get him to think that he is a lot sicker then he really is. I really don't know how to say this but I try for it to come out the best way I know how,OK... even when he is have-n a good day she somehow talks him into that he don,t look soo good or that he need to be on more meds and he will go right down from there for weeks and as soon as he starts to feel good again it starts all over again. He thinks that his mother knows best so he just listens to what ever she says. She told him when I was pregnet that he needed to move back home so that he does not got any more sick and we had been living together for 2 years so he did so that he could get better and that was 4 years ago. I live in Ohio and I have no idiea where to look for help groups so if anyone know where to look please help

Old 07-05-2005, 02:35 AM   #4
kimber lee
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Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: s.f.valley, ca
Posts: 135
kimber lee HB User
Re: PLEASE! help my child and I to understand

Hello, Im sorry that you are having such a difficult time, and your hubby sitting in a dark room, i think hes on too many meds, i dont know how many hes taking but you said he on alot. someone with bipolar soent need all the meds they think they do, You know doctors dont know **** unless they have it them selves, find a doctor that is bipolar, and youll have more success with your hubby understanding his condition better, plus he probably doenst take his meds like hes suppoed to, none of us do at some point in time. and yes he needs to take responsibility but dont pressure him bipolar people canot canot handle pressure, if you have him under your thumb ease off and let him get a grip on himself then hell start coming around. It will take awhile. But i would find a bipolar doctor(it takes one to know one right?) Start over, new doc, new med. as few as possible and make sure he understands and has a clear understanding of what bipolar really is, becasue nothing will work if he doent have that clear understanding to begin with, so start over, good luck to you and your little girl. kimber lee

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