It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Family & Friends of the Mentally Ill Message Board

  • Spouses of Bipolar

  • Post New Thread   Closed Thread
    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Old 07-13-2005, 05:01 PM   #1
    marshmallow
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Mar 2005
    Location: earth
    Posts: 1,329
    marshmallow HB User
    Spouses of Bipolar

    I was wondering if there are any people here that are the spouses of someone with bipolar. thanks.

     
    Sponsors Lightbulb
       
    Old 07-13-2005, 09:37 PM   #2
    Zbaby
    Senior Member
    (female)
     
    Zbaby's Avatar
     
    Join Date: May 2005
    Posts: 199
    Zbaby HB User
    Re: Spouses of Bipolar

    Yes, there are many. If you want some insights, check out previous posts from Mudhound and Angelblue. You can also start a new thread with any questions -- we're all happy to share our experiences from both perspectives.

     
    Old 07-14-2005, 05:11 AM   #3
    marshmallow
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Mar 2005
    Location: earth
    Posts: 1,329
    marshmallow HB User
    Re: Spouses of Bipolar

    thank you Zbaby.

     
    Old 07-14-2005, 06:04 PM   #4
    mudhound
    Senior Veteran
    (male)
     
    mudhound's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Nov 2002
    Location: Bean Station, TN, usa
    Posts: 2,189
    mudhound HB User
    Re: Spouses of Bipolar

    Hello, Mud here. Yes my wife has BP. Being married to her for 20 year has been a job in of its self. I love my wife. I do strive to maintain myself. Latly i've been doing a very bad job of it.
    __________________
    God Bless

    Mudhound

     
    Old 07-14-2005, 06:26 PM   #5
    terrienne
    Inactive
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Feb 2005
    Posts: 411
    terrienne HB User
    Re: Spouses of Bipolar

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by mudhound
    Hello, Mud here. Yes my wife has BP. Being married to her for 20 year has been a job in of its self. I love my wife. I do strive to maintain myself. Latly i've been doing a very bad job of it.
    Hello, Gee Gee here.
    Man, You know better..., You say you've been doing a very bad job of it.

    I DO NOT BELIEVE YOU...,

    My Hubby has put up with me and my being Bipolar, for about twenty three
    years. And I am sure he would tell you that we have managed pretty well,
    considering that we raised four kids !
    However, I am sure he would tell you that we have been through Hell and
    back again, and I would surely agree with him...,

    I am doing so much better. I have less stress in my life, with the Kids,
    grown and gone from home. They all four live just the RIGHT distance away !
    I know, I am BAD...,

    Take Care, Mud,
    And, take credit where credit is due, as I am sure everyone here on this
    board, would agree that you are doing a very good job !!! Okay ?

    Talk to Ya Later...,
    Gee Gee

    PS. Hello bethys, I hope this answers your question..., let me know, okay ?


     
    Old 07-15-2005, 07:16 AM   #6
    angelblue65
    Senior Member
    (female)
     
    angelblue65's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Mar 2005
    Posts: 236
    angelblue65 HB User
    Re: Spouses of Bipolar

    Hi Bethys, Angel here. I've been w/my BF for almost a year and a half and we had a very solid relationship right from the beginning - thanfully- because that is what has kept us together. It's tough - there's a lot to learn and understand both about this illness as well as yourself. Ask questions, read, there's so much here for you.

    Mud, I can echo your feelings of sometimes not being good enough to deal with the situation but I ditto Gee Gee's comments that you've always been there and there's more credit to be taken!

     
    Old 07-16-2005, 07:45 PM   #7
    mudhound
    Senior Veteran
    (male)
     
    mudhound's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Nov 2002
    Location: Bean Station, TN, usa
    Posts: 2,189
    mudhound HB User
    Re: Spouses of Bipolar

    It has been hard for the both of us. I just feel a little weak now.
    __________________
    God Bless

    Mudhound

     
    Old 11-04-2006, 08:34 PM   #8
    mcdreamy
    Junior Member
    (female)
     
    mcdreamy's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Oct 2006
    Location: indiana
    Posts: 43
    mcdreamy HB User
    Re: Spouses of Bipolar

    Hi there I have been married 37 years the past 15 to a bi-polar mate. I have seen it all and we are mutally separated now. We are trying to decide if all of the pieces can be put back together. He is trying to take his meds and going to AA almost every nite. I have never really drawn a line in the sand with some of his behaviors and finally I did . We will see where this all goes? I dont really know myself. I need some time for me right now and he has to take care of himself. Time will tell what will happen next!

     
    Old 11-05-2006, 01:24 PM   #9
    somerlass
    Junior Member
    (female)
     
    somerlass's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Mar 2006
    Location: somerset
    Posts: 13
    somerlass HB User
    Unhappy Re: Spouses of Bipolar

    Hi
    Glad to find this thread.
    My partner of nearly 2 years is bp and over the last 6 months he seems to be in a manic, angry and highly defensive spell. He drinks almost every night but I wouldn't call him an alcoholic - I mean he can go without a drink but he likes a drink. He has decided not to take medication because the meds turn him into a zombie and he becomes completely apathetic and indifferent. When he came off meds at the start of this year I totally supported and still do support him not having drug therapy but over the last 6 months I have been struggling with the way he loses control after a certain amount to drink.
    It goes like this... he has a few drinks most nights during the week but on a friday night its like all the stresses and strains of the week come tumbling out - only ever after he has drunk more than 2 bottles of cider (cider is his tipple). Then the picking starts... he picks on me, what I am doing, things I have done in the past and also picks on my son. He seems to take a hell of alot of things personally - really blowing stuff out of proportion. It's almost like a paranoia of sorts. And there is only so much stuff I can hear before I start getting defensive and lose my temper. If I try and walk away from the torrent of verbal abuse it seems to make it worse.
    Over the last 6 months he has got drunk and said he wants to be on his own, that he is not equipped for dealing with a relationship, that he wants everyone (his friend's and family who live with him and see what he is like on a daily basis) to just F off and leave him alone.
    He feels at the moment that everyone is watching him and psycho-analysing him because I and his best blokey mate are trying to understand some of his behaviour which we don't recognise as being the man we love and respect but I read somewhere that its the bp talking and not him. He says such horrible things when drunk but the next day when I bring them up with him it's like he has completely changed his mind and says the total opposite.
    We don't have a sex life as he is impotent and at the moment just doesn't want anyone to touch him really so we have a distinct lack of affection between us aswell.
    I love my boyfriend very very much, I am trying really really hard not to take alot of stuff he says to me when drunk as personal. He said earlier today that its better that he has a drink and lets alot of stuff out because it will still come out even if he doesn't drink but he'll bottle it up and the mania will be a lot lot worse. I tried to explain to him today that I am reaching a point where I am finding it very hard to take much more of the verbal abuse. I know its not him, not the man I fell in love with, I know its the mania - I see it in his eyes - but he says that it IS him - the bp is part of who he is and people either get used to it or they can F off.
    Sooooo glad I found this thread because I need some emotional support. I am starting to understand that people with bp tend to see things in a very black and white way - so that's kinda where my confusion comes from and his contradictory things he says comes from. How do other partners of bp people cope with the manic/nasty episodes ? I have told him earlier that I am unable at the moment to handle anymore of the nasty spiteful torrent of abuse and that for a while I am just gonna say "I'm going to bed" and he can like it or lump it - I know that its gonna fuel his temper but I'd rather do that than wake up on another saturday morning feeling like *****. And he agree's with me that it will be better for us as a couple if I do that because it will stop the dissection on the morning after the night before, which makes him feel like he is under the spotlight and it will stop me from saying the wrong things to him and making him feel guilty.
    We're trying to sort out our living arrangements so he can get away from it all when he needs to and I think that this will do wonders for our relationship. We are the best of friends and I hate to think that I am doing and saying things, through my wanting to learn about bp, that are exacerbating his depression and triggering the mania. He is a deeply creative soul but only when in his own space.
    I'm also gonna start doing Yoga with a friend and taking more time out for me. I have this tendency that I think I can help/heal (I am a reiki practicioner) and it's taken alot but I think I finally got the message that I really cannot heal my partner - he has to live with his bp for the rest of his life...and alot of the time at the moment he feels like he would be better off on his own so he doesn't carry on hurting the people who love him. He hates himself at the moment.
    I feel so bloomin lonely recently but its good to get some stuff of my chest. I have a good friend who is also bp and she has helped me to understand loads about the illness and also helped me to understand and continue to respect my partner's wishes about not having drug therapy. I suggested councilling and cognitive behaviour therapy but he says he has had enough councilling to last a life time and is armed with all the tools he needs to get him through - one of the best things that works for him is being on his own through these spells and I really do understand that and tell him all the time but as I am sure alot of you spouses understand.. just at the moment nothing I say is the right thing... so when I say I support his wishes to be on his own he translates that into me telling him to F off - I really am at a loss.
    I know its not gonna be like this for ever and at some point I will get the man I fell in love with back...I want to be part of his life - in sickness and in health. But I also know that if he has to go away and sort it on his own then I have to find the strength inside me to cope with that and not resent him for it or even hate him for leaving me and my son. As for the intimacy and affection and lack of sexual relationship...he's never particularly enjoyed sex, I'm the first girlfriend he has had where he has been able to be honest about that and not feel like he has to go through the motions. He also knows how important intimacy is in a relationship and is working SO hard on trying to get his "little brain" as he calls it back in working order - for me though its not about the sex - sometimes at night I just want to snuggle up and I crave for him just to give me a cuddle for the sake of it - its all so bloomin one sided and has been for the last 6 months but I know its not always been like that between us.
    Its good to offload.
    I desperatley want this relationship to work - he is the man I want to grow old with and I know he feels the same about me. But I need to find a way to cope with his mania before my inability to cope with it destroys our relationship and friendship. I need to be able to learn about what's going on with him but he cannot handle me asking him about it - it just makes him feel "watched" and fuels his temper.
    Thanks for reading - I think I am going to be posting lots more on this particular forum.
    Love Somerlass xxx

     
    Old 11-05-2006, 03:28 PM   #10
    marshmallow
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Mar 2005
    Location: earth
    Posts: 1,329
    marshmallow HB User
    Re: Spouses of Bipolar

    you have been with your partner two years for me it has worn thin putting up with it and we are separated. I no longer want the abuse that comes with an unmedicated bp. If on meds thats another story.

     
    Old 11-05-2006, 09:11 PM   #11
    dragon64
    Junior Member
    (female)
     
    dragon64's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Oct 2006
    Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia
    Posts: 20
    dragon64 HB User
    Re: Spouses of Bipolar

    Hi Somerlass. I went through most of things that you are going through now. My husband went off his meds for a little while and was hypercritical and very difficult to please. It was like listening to a record with the needle stuck in a groove. OK for a while, but then it became too much. We are separated and I think that it is a good thing for now. I kept on trying to help him, but the more I talked the worse it got. I've learnt that it's pointless trying to reason with him when he is in this frame of mind. He is back on meds now and I'm waiting for him to even out. In the meanwhile I'm doing things to make me feel better and gain a better perspective on the whole situation. It is your BF's decision to take meds or not, but it is also your decision whether you can stand living with him when he is not on meds. I think the question is, is it causing you and your son harm to stay in this relationship?

     
    Old 11-06-2006, 03:12 AM   #12
    somerlass
    Junior Member
    (female)
     
    somerlass's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Mar 2006
    Location: somerset
    Posts: 13
    somerlass HB User
    Re: Spouses of Bipolar

    Hi marsh and dragon - thankyou for your responses.
    The meds that he has been on in the past really do seem to turn him into a zombie marsh - I totally respect his decision to not take them although I am sure there is something out there that will help in terms of counselling/cbt but the way he is at the moment is that he just won't consider it at all. I just got back from the school run and I was thinking alot about whether I should ask him to leave or not. I know that my bf loves me and loves my son. He isn't allowed to see his own daughter and is trying desperatley hard to deal with so much from his past and put right some terrible things he did wrong. He desperatley wants to see his daughter. There is so much going on in his life right now and he feels so terribley torn. I understand he only has so much energy and being the way he is, it is hard for him to juggle so many balls without something giving.
    I mean - if he wants to be on his own to sort this out then I really am not going to stand in his way - but then he said to me the other morning (after telling me the night before he wanted to be on his own) that me and him have to fight for our relationship because its so important and so good on the most part. Like Angelblue has said - me and my bf have a relationship that is based on very solid foundations - we are the best of friends so I know that we can get through this and so does he. It's just trying to find a way through this episode and future ones together - neither one of us want to be with anyone else and I really don't want him to leave but if that is what he wants then I can and will support him in that and still be here as his friend. I have asked myself if that's just living on empty hope but I really don't believe it is.
    Had a long chat with my bf's best friend yesterday - he is going to come and have a chat with my bf about his behaviour and tell him to start being a man and stop taking out all his nasty behaviour on me. He's seen it and has been on the receiving end of it once. I am really scared of this conversation taking place between the pair of them. My bf may say what his best friend wants to hear but then come home and still take out his anger on me.
    It will break my son's heart if my bf does leave - my bf is a fantastic influence on my son (who's own father really doesn't get fatherhood at all) and if he left I would be missing my best friend and the only man I have ever felt this way about.
    But I am going to have to draw a line soon. My own health isn't brilliant - I have an over active thyroid gland which causes me to have hormonal mood swings - sometimes I can handle the nastiness - just sit and listen and then go to bed and then get up and write a letter to my bf about it all made me feel and then i burn it - its like a release for me - but I can't do that all the time - most of the time I just get so very upset and its dragging me down.
    Are there any partners/spouses out there that can give me some practical advice/hints on how I can best deal with this episode without my relationship falling apart ?
    Love Somerlass xxx

     
    Old 11-06-2006, 07:53 AM   #13
    marshmallow
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Mar 2005
    Location: earth
    Posts: 1,329
    marshmallow HB User
    Re: Spouses of Bipolar

    somerlass, I misread one of your other posts and thought things were good with your bf. I am sorry things are the way they are. I would think really long and hard about the relationship because without meds things will only get worse. You often cannot reason with an unmedicated bp. You will never be right. The pressure gets to be too much and you have a child to care for. Please think carefully if this relationship is really all you think it is. I know! he can probably be the most loving and caring person at times that holds you there but is it enough to have that only part of the time? I speak out of la general ove and not anything else. Most people living with an unmedicated person just wear out and lose parts of who they are. I would hate to have that happen to you.

     
    Old 11-06-2006, 12:48 PM   #14
    Kymberlee
    Veteran
    (female)
     
    Kymberlee's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Aug 2004
    Location: Akron, Ohio
    Posts: 458
    Kymberlee HB User
    Re: Spouses of Bipolar

    As most of you know, I am married to a BP husband. I can relate to ALL the posts here! All of the verbal abuse, etc.,etc.,etc.,!!!! I am sooo tired of all this! I finally told my husband a few weeks ago,"You are choosing to stay sick--You MUST like feeling this way because you have been offered SO MUCH help and you refuse it every time!" He did NOT like that at all. The next day, he called me and told me that he's ready to go to counseling together. I'm in a wait-and-see mode right now because he's done this once before and told the counselor that she had to 'fix' me. So, time will tell. Anyway, I had to chime in on this thread because it's my life. Kym.

     
    Old 11-06-2006, 03:40 PM   #15
    marshmallow
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Mar 2005
    Location: earth
    Posts: 1,329
    marshmallow HB User
    Re: Spouses of Bipolar

    Kym, I have gone to pdocs and tdocs with hubby. Pdoc said we had relationship issues and he could not diagnose him. Two tdocs said my husband was bp/bpd. He walked out of both sessions. I read in a book on MI that the illness itself can cause them to think they are not sick. The book is titled I dont need help I am not sick.

     
    Closed Thread

    Related Topics
    Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
    Spouses of people with depression/anxiety...HELP!! chitrick Depression 9 06-04-2009 03:18 PM
    BP spouses on meds - do you mean the things you say?? 4support Family & Friends of the Mentally Ill 44 02-19-2007 03:54 PM
    Military Spouses/Significant Others!!! ~airforcewife~ Relationship Health 9 06-25-2003 07:53 PM
    Spouses left behind temporarily cadis31 Suggestions for New Boards 4 07-23-2002 12:40 AM




    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Search this Thread:

    Advanced Search

    Posting Rules
    You may not post new threads
    You may not post replies
    You may not post attachments
    You may not edit your posts

    BB code is On
    Smilies are On
    [IMG] code is Off
    HTML code is Off
    Trackbacks are Off
    Pingbacks are Off
    Refbacks are Off




    Sign Up Today!

    Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

    I want my free account

    All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:20 PM.





    © 2022 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
    Do not copy or redistribute in any form!