It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Family & Friends of the Mentally Ill Message Board

  • Married to a BPD and needing help! Please...

  • Post New Thread   Closed Thread
    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Old 12-16-2005, 09:26 PM   #46
    rosequartz
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    rosequartz's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jul 2005
    Location: Chicago,IL
    Posts: 11,286
    rosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB User
    Re: Married to a BPD and needing help! Please...

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by STzenn
    A wise man once said, "The only true way to find the truth is by watching, listening, and being aware of yourself. That way you can tell what is out of place around you."

    Strength and Hope
    Stephen

    Stephen - That is truly a wise quote.....I love it!

     
    Sponsors Lightbulb
       
    Old 12-17-2005, 11:41 AM   #47
    STzenn
    Member
    (male)
     
    STzenn's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Sep 2005
    Location: California
    Posts: 64
    STzenn HB User
    Re: Married to a BPD and needing help! Please...

    I love it too Rose....lol. But I can't take any credit for it, I just listened to it...I didn't think that one up. The same man told me "Is life worth living? If so, then why be scared to take chances? Why do you distrust life? Why is it you feel that what you have now is all there is to have? Do you not see that life will always provide you a chance to fail and succeed, and that you are the only one capable of making that choice for yourself? Then live. Live as if tomorrow may never come, because you are not garaunteed another breath in this life, and you never will be able to make that garauntee, not for anyone. If you choose to live, you will see people around you, people you love and trust and care deeply for, you will see these people fail and fall into their own hell, long before they die. You will see them and know what they are, know that they are beautiful, know that they want the same thing you want, but you will not be able to help them, and you will not be able to pull them up. You won't be able to because just as you are the only one capable of deciding the course of your own destiny in life, so are they the only one's deciding for their own destiny. You cannot, no matter how much you know and succeed and love and understand, live another person's life for them, and you will see what truth lies in this life."

    He was perhaps a bit too philosophical, but his heart was in the right place and he was sending a message loud and clear. Anyways, I hope this isn't too over the top for you all. I just wanted to send a little love and compassion you're way.

    Stephen

     
    Old 12-17-2005, 08:17 PM   #48
    rosequartz
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    rosequartz's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jul 2005
    Location: Chicago,IL
    Posts: 11,286
    rosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB User
    Re: Married to a BPD and needing help! Please...

    Stephen,
    Again more wise words.....this guy really knew his stuff huh? LOL
    Those are truly words to live by. Thanks again for your thoughts on everything, you and my other friends here make this a great place!


     
    Old 12-30-2005, 11:18 AM   #49
    Nakita
    Senior Member
    (female)
     
    Nakita's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Aug 2005
    Location: Fairmont, WV
    Posts: 208
    Nakita HB User
    Re: Married to a BPD and needing help! Please...

    Hello everyone,

    I had a very nice Christmas. My parents went to Charlotte, where my sister her husband and 5 year old son live. When they returned we celebrated Christmas at a local restuarant. It was very nice and quiet.

    My daughter, Nikki, has been staying with me since Dec 19, after college let out, and she's here until Jan 15th. She's schziophrenic and bi-polar and often very difficult to be around, especially for me.

    As you know, I haven't had many borderline episodes lately, in years, actually. But when Nikki is around, my patience goes out the window and down the street! I love my daughter, of course, but I can barely stand to be around her. Of course, she's NOT taking her medication. She's an 'adult' now at 18 and doesn't NEED to be reminded to take her meds. We are both suffering from a bout of upper respiratory infection, and I am on antibiotics, a nasal decongestant, and cough meds. She's on the anitbiotic, and she tried to buy some cough syrup at Walmart, but she didn't have her ID. She got very very angry that she wasn't allowed to buy cough syrup without an ID. There is about 40% alcohol in this cough syrup. I paid for it for her, but I know that she will drink the whole bottle today and not make it last as it is intended.

    She also brought home a large bottle of Southern Comfort. Now, Larry and I do not drink. For several reasons, but my diabetes is the last of the reasons. 1st: We consider alchohol as waste of money. There are so many other things that we could be spending money on,, food, utilities, the dogs...

    2nd: two of my ex husbands are alcoholics. My first one loved to hit me when he drank, my second loved to have lots of sex with anyone but me, when he drank.

    3rd: larry has an extremely fast metabolism when it comes to alcohol and drugs. Basically they have no effect on him. When he was younger, one of his friends tried to get him to smoke some pot, but it had no effect. Again, waste of money.

    4th: I am borderline. Borderlines should not drink alcohol. I don't need any outside stimulates or depressants to make my moods better or worse. I can do that just fine by myself.

    5th: I like to feel. Feel emotions naturally without enhancements.

    6th: diabetes... enough said... sugar alcohol is still sugar....

    My son is an alcoholic. Not admitted or in treatment. He gets it naturally from his father, my first ex husband.

    So what I am doing for New Year's Eve, you might ask? Well, I'm not going to any parties, although I do believe in getting together with friends is fun, I won't be on the road on holidays, especially not this one. Nikki will most likely be drinking at one of her friends houses or at some party. Larry and I will watch a DVD movie, play monolopy until the ball drops at Time Square on TV, drink a 'mixed drink' of cranberry and orange juices ( I can have only one). I have planned a lovely rib-eye dinner for us. We will get out the candles etc.... We have done this every New Year's Eve since we've been together.

    On New Year's Day, we will have corned beef Rueben sandwiches and fried cabbage. I will make a special candy cane chocolate cake for desert. I can have a small piece.

    Rose: Hopefully Tim's attention will turn elsewhere and you can have that clean break that you need so badly. Breaks are very difficult for borderlines. No matter what the reason, and in this case he was horrible with his comments about Junior, he will continue to try to reconcile until he finds someone else that he can turn his attention to. Someone, who probably won't exist, that will give him what he thinks he needs. I hope that is soon for you.

    Lori, I'm glad you had a happy holiday and got to spend time with your family without worries of Frank.

    Stephen: we miss you. Hope everything is ok.

    BTW: I guess Verizon still has forgotten to turn me off.

    Lauralee
    __________________
    Nakita


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

     
    Old 12-30-2005, 11:42 AM   #50
    rosequartz
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    rosequartz's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jul 2005
    Location: Chicago,IL
    Posts: 11,286
    rosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB User
    Re: Married to a BPD and needing help! Please...

    Lauralee!
    No way! They still haven't pulled the plug on your service huh? GREAT!
    I'm glad to hear you had a nice Christmas and are planning a nice dinner on New Years with your honey
    So how does your daughter do in college if she doesn't take her medicine? What is her major in college?
    I'm glad you don't miss drinking. I don't drink much at all, maybe a glass of wine now and then. I used to drink more when I was younger, or at certain times in my life, but not out of control. I just can't drink like I used to, and I don't miss it either. I'm going out to lunch, and maybe a movie with my mom tomorrow, she turns 75 on New Years Eve. Then taking it easy at home with Junior. I don't like going out on NYE because of the drunks and the cops, either way, it's a good night to stay OFF the streets. I'm hoping to get a few things done around the house this nice long weekend! Tim keeps calling, etc, so last night I IM'ed him and asked why do you keep calling me when you told me you don't want to talk to me, see me, think about me or be my friend? He said he's sorry, he didn't mean it he was mad, please forgive him....I said, you will do it again, he said, no I won't, I promise.....
    I said BS. he said, do you want me to just leave you alone, and I said yes because your actions don't match your words. He said ok, he's sorry, he doesn't blame me, he loves me and will miss me very much, and if I change my mind he will always be there, and he won't bother me anymore.......

    anyone wanna make a bet? LOL
    I don't mean to laugh at his antics, but I've seen this before!
    By the way, I don't know if I mentioned that he is an alcoholic, a functioning one, but still an alcoholic.

     
    Old 12-30-2005, 12:05 PM   #51
    Nakita
    Senior Member
    (female)
     
    Nakita's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Aug 2005
    Location: Fairmont, WV
    Posts: 208
    Nakita HB User
    Re: Married to a BPD and needing help! Please...

    Rose,

    My daughter started out with a major in Criminal Justice. Now she's switching to theater. Good thing! She's always acting LOL

    She got a .25...GPA yes,, point 25! Three credit hours out of 15 attempted. Did you know that you have to go to class and do the work if you want a grade and credit? Imagine! LOL... Good thing I'm not paying for it.


    Lunch sounds great. My mom turns 64 on New Year's Day.

    Don't tell verizon... LOL... I don't mind at all....
    __________________
    Nakita


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

     
    Old 12-30-2005, 12:35 PM   #52
    rosequartz
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    rosequartz's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jul 2005
    Location: Chicago,IL
    Posts: 11,286
    rosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB User
    Re: Married to a BPD and needing help! Please...

    Hi LauraLee,
    So Theatre suits her better huh? LOL always acting....
    oh boy .25 GPA, that's not so good. Is she just not interested in going to class or what? I hope she realizes what an opportunity she has and doesn't just take it for granted. Hey interesting, you and I are both Scorpios, and our moms are both Capricorns!
    Don't worry, I won't tell verizon, your secret is safe with me.....LOL

     
    Old 12-30-2005, 12:43 PM   #53
    Nakita
    Senior Member
    (female)
     
    Nakita's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Aug 2005
    Location: Fairmont, WV
    Posts: 208
    Nakita HB User
    Re: Married to a BPD and needing help! Please...

    that is amazing and cool too about us being scorpios and our mom's being capricorns. do you get along with your mom most of the time? I can only take mine in short small doses... pretty sure it's her though.. Larry doesn't get along with her at all...and she doesn't like him at all either...

    Nikki has been reminded so many times of the wonderful opportunity and how she's wasting it. She screams at people for reminding her. Larry's been calling her "2 bit". she doesn't realize that 2 bits is 25 cents. LOL....
    __________________
    Nakita


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

     
    Old 12-30-2005, 01:25 PM   #54
    rosequartz
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    rosequartz's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jul 2005
    Location: Chicago,IL
    Posts: 11,286
    rosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB User
    Re: Married to a BPD and needing help! Please...

    Hi LauraLee,
    I love my mom and we get along pretty well, but if you would have asked me when I was younger I might have said we didn't get along. My mom has high standards, and sometimes I feel like I don't live up to them. I don't know how to explain it, she doesn't make it seem like that, I guess it's guilt in my own head. My mom loves me and is proud of me, but I guess I feel like I may have let her down in some ways. I think she likes to control things, and I resist being controlled. She's not as bad as she used to be. But we are close. She's all I have in this world, besides Junior. She's my only blood left. I'm an only child, and so is she, so I never had a big family. My dad had one sister but she never had kids. It's kinda scary, when my mom is gone, I feel like I will be all alone in this big world. I try not to think about it though.

     
    Old 01-18-2006, 11:35 PM   #55
    L.A.M.B
    Newbie
    (female)
     
    L.A.M.B's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jan 2006
    Posts: 7
    L.A.M.B HB User
    Re: Married to a BPD and needing help! Please...

    In response to You'r post I wanted to give a few suggestions.
    I am a recovering Bpd and also want to thank You for the insight into the kind of crap my poor hubby had to go through.

    - figure out if You want to leave or stay
    - step back untill she is actively recovering (this does not mean leaving if You choose not to)
    - incourage her to seek a higher power
    - asses for yourself what kind of support You need (close friend , support group)
    - assesment of You'r own beliefs (God, Morals etc.)
    - set boundries (stand up for yourself in a non violent way)
    - incourage her growth and seperate yourself from any kind of abusive behavior she flings at You(verbal,emotional or even physical)
    -know that You are a wonderfull human being and deserve to be treated with respest and love

    God bless

     
    Old 01-19-2006, 10:55 AM   #56
    Scared Wife
    Senior Member
    (female)
     
    Scared Wife's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jan 2005
    Posts: 238
    Scared Wife HB User
    Re: Married to a BPD and needing help! Please...

    Hi Stephen,

    We haven't heard from you for awhile, but I wanted to drop in and say hello. I hope that you are doing well these days and had a wonderful Christmas.

    L.A.M.B. - your advice is great. I've been wrestling with a decision as to whether to stay or go when it comes to my husband. While he has seemed to have gotten a handle on his outbursts, not much else has changed. The financially irresponsibility still exists at the same, if not a worse, level. The deplorable filth that he lives in has not altered either. The hard part for me when it comes to making the decision to stay or go is tough because I do love this man and I know there's a part of this man worthy of love.

    This is why I choose to stay in the picture. I don't live with him and do not intend to as long as the filth remains a part of his every day environment.

    I do have a wonderful support system - here on this board as well as with my family and friends. Setting boundaries with a BPD is not easy, but I have been implementing them just the same - in a non-violent, non-threatening way as you suggest.

    Do you mind if I ask, since you are recovering, what made you realize that you might have a problem in the first place and what prompted you to seek help? The reason I ask is that hearing how others chose to seek help for themselves at some point does help me to try to stay optimistic, especially when I feel my optimism evaporating.

    Congratulations to you for being in recovery - and thank you for posting for us.

    Scared Wife

     
    Old 01-19-2006, 03:22 PM   #57
    L.A.M.B
    Newbie
    (female)
     
    L.A.M.B's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jan 2006
    Posts: 7
    L.A.M.B HB User
    In my prayers

    Glad to hear You benefitted from the advice
    I realized I need help after like my millionth hospital visit.
    I was destroying any meaningfull relationships with my self centred childliike behaviors and addictions.
    I entered a lifestyle geared toward recovery from mental illness and addictions.
    I thank God I found the resources available to change my behaviors.
    Some of the most supportive people in my life have showed me how to value myself by setting boundries with me.
    OMG did I ever make that difficult!
    I truly respect them for having that self confidence.
    You have my prayers with You as You go through this

     
    Old 01-20-2006, 08:21 AM   #58
    rosequartz
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    rosequartz's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jul 2005
    Location: Chicago,IL
    Posts: 11,286
    rosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB User
    Re: Married to a BPD and needing help! Please...

    Stephen - Where ya been?
    Come back to your thread and update us on what's going on in your life!
    I hope no news is good news, but wanted to tell you that you're on my mind, and I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you!

     
    Old 01-20-2006, 11:43 AM   #59
    Nakita
    Senior Member
    (female)
     
    Nakita's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Aug 2005
    Location: Fairmont, WV
    Posts: 208
    Nakita HB User
    Re: Married to a BPD and needing help! Please...

    LAMB,

    I am also in recovery. I have been for many years. Your advice is very good. Keep up the good work and remember that recovery is an everyday thing.

    Lori and Rose, I also wonder where Stephen is and why we haven't heard from him.

    I'm starting a new thread.

    Lauralee
    __________________
    Nakita


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

     
    Closed Thread

    Related Topics
    Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
    Is there anyone out there who is married to a man who is autistic? Bertha Marie Autism Spectrum 4 03-23-2010 05:37 AM
    married but miserable pepsigirl59 Relationship Health 13 12-09-2008 08:46 PM
    if a woman/ man was married go to see a male/ female friend alone LonelyInNY Relationship Health 3 11-28-2008 02:14 PM
    HELP! Indecisive Sagittarian wants to be married and single Fungirl33 Relationship Health 6 09-21-2008 08:21 PM
    Help! In love w/ a married man! Nikki1963 Relationship Health 90 04-01-2007 07:16 AM
    married mother struggling with hubbie's BP and ADHD 4support Family & Friends of the Mentally Ill 7 09-26-2006 04:13 PM
    Married w children but found another pmaapl Relationship Health 73 07-29-2006 05:00 AM




    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Search this Thread:

    Advanced Search

    Posting Rules
    You may not post new threads
    You may not post replies
    You may not post attachments
    You may not edit your posts

    BB code is On
    Smilies are On
    [IMG] code is Off
    HTML code is Off
    Trackbacks are Off
    Pingbacks are Off
    Refbacks are Off




    Sign Up Today!

    Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

    I want my free account

    All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:25 AM.





    © 2022 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
    Do not copy or redistribute in any form!