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Boyfriend Told Me He's Bipolar - Is This Behavior Usual?

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Old 03-25-2006, 09:50 AM   #1
Join Date: Jan 2005
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karen7 HB User
Boyfriend Told Me He's Bipolar - Is This Behavior Usual?

My boyfriend and I are in our 50's and have been together for 6 months. He told me he has bipolar recently. I didn't ask him any questions but he is not on meds, was at one time for a manic episode. He does things that really confuse and upset me. He keeps coming up with new ideas but never gets them done, talks incessantly about them and says he always has to have a lot of projects going. The most troubling part of our relationship is that the only time I tried to talk about our relationship, he got totally silent and had a hard time verbalizing anything. I asked him to say something, anything, to please talk to me. He left my house early, not being able to cope. Since then, I have not approached him about the problems we have but briefly mentioned that I need to be able to communicate with him when things aren't right.

Yesterday on the phone I asked him if he had done a the favor I asked him for and he said no (with a valid reason for now) but he said he's embarrassed because he hasn't gotten to it and all of a sudden he got off the phone and said "Talk to you" and abruptly said bye. This is not the first time he's done this. It's just not appropriate behavior to hang up on your girlfriend so fast. By the way, there's nobody else there, this is usually when he's in his car. He started out our relationship telling me he loved me (which he didn't, couldn't so soon) but now never says it except on the phone quickly with no emotion before he hangs up. I have read the books and try to say it's his illness acting up but I don't feel connected to him as I should after 6 months. I'll say something and sometimes he goes off on a tangent and doesn't address what I asked. So I'll say "What does that have to do with what I said?"

I don't feel loved or connected and I think how can I when he's not connected to himself? I can't sleep and am agonizing over this because I really care for him, we have a ton in common but he always needs to be doing something and thinks a relationship is about having fun with each other. I agree but you need to feel close to someone. At one time, after the attempted talk, he emailed me saying that if he ever becomes too much, I should leave because self-preservation is more important than a relationship. It is...but I didn't want to hear that. I want to hear that he will work with me to make this work. Now that he told me he was diagnosed with bipolar, maybe he realizes how hard it is for him to sustain a relationship. I don't know what to do, he leaves me so upset when I feel this distance, especially on the phone when he's not in front of me to talk to.

I wish I could understand what's going on in his mind, he just seems to be in such turmoil. Any insight would be greatly appreciated. Is it common for bipolar people to not be able to sit down and talk about their relationship or to not be able to express love? I don't want to leave him but I am so depressed and disappointed because I thought I found someone I could finally have a good thing with and most of all relate to, but this is the furthest thing from what I expected.

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Old 03-25-2006, 10:20 PM   #2
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: New England CT
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cagedbird HB User
Re: Boyfriend Told Me He's Bipolar - Is This Behavior Usual?

He's not medicated,and telling you to leave when it gets tuff. Means he isn't going on meds for you or himself. You need to take care of you now,maybe move on and give this guy up.Getting involved with a 50 year old who doesn't want help isn't what you need in your life. Believe me you will not be happy.
I know this because I'm bipolar and this is how it goes for us when unmedicated. there isn't anything you can do to help him.Only a pdoc and meds will help him.


Old 03-28-2006, 09:40 PM   #3
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whodidwhat HB User
Re: Boyfriend Told Me He's Bipolar - Is This Behavior Usual?

My boyfriends father is bi polar and does not take meds. Life with him is extremely difficult. The worse thing about bi polar people is they think they are fine and don't need medication. It is a constant battle and wears you down. I'm afraid I am going to tell you something to break your heart but it will heal your spirit. You need to end the relationship with him. Bi polar people are impossible to live with if they aren't medicated and it will only get worse. His behavior is not unusual. They are often irrational and controlling. They can't remember details or simple things, they will set out to destroy things. I've been going through this for 3 years. Best of luck.

Old 04-19-2006, 01:24 PM   #4
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 2
SV650RR HB User
Re: Boyfriend Told Me He's Bipolar - Is This Behavior Usual?

After four months of dating an 18 year old girl who's bipolar, I've gottan my fair share of abrupt phone hang ups. I now know the reason for that is because she can sense a "bipolar-moment" and doesn't want to blow up at me because she knows its unfair to me.
Another thing I get all the time is her saying that she doesn't deserve to have me as her boyfriend. Yet, I know she wouldn't want me to leave her - and I wouldn't want to leave her. I love her to pieces.

Old 04-19-2006, 01:51 PM   #5
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lynelle101 HB User
Re: Boyfriend Told Me He's Bipolar - Is This Behavior Usual?

I agree with D Jean I was just recently diagnosed in nov 05 bp,manic depressive, ptsd I am 31 I have been like this probably since I was 12 at least. My husband now been my bf since I was 16 stuck with me...Through all my mood swings up and downs hang up on him lashing out he knew that I had a problem but he loved me and 13 years later now I am getting the help that I need. If you feel you really love him then be patient 6mnths is not long enough for someone to let down there guard to start letting you in especially if they have bp. I have been with my husband total 15 years and man he still has a hard time getting in its a protective strategy... But you have to do what works for you. We are all differnt Best Wishes Lynelle

Old 04-19-2006, 04:18 PM   #6
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 5
Panna_06 HB User
Re: Boyfriend Told Me He's Bipolar - Is This Behavior Usual?

I found out about two months ago that my girlfriend of ten months' father is bipolar. now I wonder about my girlfriend's behavior. I don't think she is, but either she has symptoms or she copies subconsciously what she has learned from her dad.

in regards to your comment about how he abruptly ends phone conversations, my girlfriend doesn't necessarly hang up the phone abruptly, but she'll make statements that don't make sense, like if we're on the phone and she's headed home (we live together) and I'm going to see her in only 10 minutes, as we hang up she'll say "Ok, see you later." And she says it with a tone like she's not going to see me for several hours or something!! Who says "See you later," when you're going to see them in 10 minutes? Is that normal?? I call her on it, tell her it should be "See you in a little bit" or "See you when I get home" or something like that. She chuckles at me and says that's just the way she says it. I say, ok, I'm going to go out for the evening then, and I'll see YOU later! At first I attributed comments like these to her wanting to push me away, that she is afraid to get too close. But I don't know, now I wonder whether every quirk is because she might be pre-bipolar.

you can read my initial post "Girlfriend's Father is Bipolar".

thanks for sharing your experience...

Old 04-20-2006, 05:54 PM   #7
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Shanlo HB User
Re: Boyfriend Told Me He's Bipolar - Is This Behavior Usual?

I agree with other posts get out of this relationship. You really do not want to deal with more stress than you have to. He is telling you to move on, he cannot relate and with age, think about what else you are going to deal with concerning him.

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