It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....

Family & Friends of the Mentally Ill Message Board

Why do depressed people reject the ones they love the most?????

Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 05-21-2006, 11:46 AM   #1
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Akron, Ohio
Posts: 458
Kymberlee HB User
Why do depressed people reject the ones they love the most?????

Hey, I've always wondered about this. I see this written about depression almost everwhere and I just don't get it! Why would you turn the person you love the most away time and time again??? Anyone have any insight?

Sponsors Lightbulb
Old 05-21-2006, 02:37 PM   #2
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 336
Charme HB User
Re: Why do depressed people reject the ones they love the most?????

Hi Kymberlee,

I always thought it was a combination of things. Self-destruction for one, a kind of self-harm. If I know that person is making me happier then at some point I'll feel undeserving and push them away. On top of that if I'm so undeserving anyway then why is that person claiming to have any feelings for me anyway? So they must be telling me lies and using me for something or other. And I don't deserve that either, or do I? What use am I anyway? So I'll just try to keep them happy and not worry about myself. But then the stress keeps increasing with the confusion and just keeps on and on.

I apologise I had to leave at that point. I just joined this forum to help my locum as I don't get to speak to anyone and everything is so locked in. Just writing in a forum as got me in tears for the first time in at least six months and I don't know if that is doing me well. I've pushed plenty of people away from me in my life and only let one person close enough where I could speak to her and it turned out that I should have pushed her away from step one because she was using me and telling me lies. But these days I'll stay away from people so I don't upset them and I know I can't ever be happy without company but that's my problem. Hopefully I'll get better and things can change. Now I wonder if I only push people away to punish myself. The reason I'm so unhappy is all to do with the chemicals in my head and when people say that isn't my fault I don't understand because those chemicals seems to be dictating my personality and that is who I am, so to me of course it's my fault. Surely pushing people away is for the same reason I just left to go to a bar and watch normal people being happy and confident, why I go out of my way to pick a fight with someone ten times bigger than me when normally I'm not the fighting type, why I'll sarve myself for weeks at a time, why I'll detroy those possessions which mean the most to me and so on.

I'm sorry for rambling and perhaps going off topic. I hope it makes sense.

Best wishes to you

Old 05-21-2006, 08:54 PM   #3
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: bc canada
Posts: 201
mizplaced HB User
Re: Why do depressed people reject the ones they love the most?????

Welcome to the board. I think that people suffering from depression push those closest to them away for different reasons .Often it is due to the lonliness they may feel because those around them may not realize just how bad it is. Depressed people are very good at hiding their depression and often dont reveal much. They are often unable to explain why they feel the way they do and this makes them feel foolish and weak and so , dont talk about it. It usually happens over a period of time and may not be apparent to even the person suffering. Even the most intelligent person may have difficulty reasoning logically as their moods become lower and negative . It is fustrating when you cant "snap out of it" as so many well meaning friends and family will say to you thinking that you "just have the blues." Its very hard to live with a depressed person because there is nothing you can say that will make them suddenly feel better. The thing that really helps is when you can listen ,encourage them to get help and support them on the road to recovery. It takes time ,patience and love. Im sure others here can shed some more light on this subject.
I hope I have given you some idea of what happens .....Take care Mizzy

Old 05-22-2006, 01:06 AM   #4
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: ontario
Posts: 3,762
Blog Entries: 1
trg247 HB Usertrg247 HB Usertrg247 HB User
Re: Why do depressed people reject the ones they love the most?????

The posters before me covered alot of important points. For me it is about simplicity, I need my world small enough so I can control it and it reduce surprises. It hard talking with other people because your view is so screwed up that it is nearly impossible to relate to someone else for example -your happy person thinks a bad day is - the boss is making me stay late on a friday, where the depressed person is thinking - why did I leave the house, why did I get out of bed, why am I still alive. Sorry for the ramble it is really late here

take care
Major Depressive Disorder With Psychotic Features
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Borderline Personality Disorder
Generalized Anxiety Disorder

Current Meds

Old 05-22-2006, 05:41 AM   #5
sad song
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: california
Posts: 97
sad song HB User
Re: Why do depressed people reject the ones they love the most?????

I think a lot of times depressed people try to ignore the problem, be it through drugs or work or whatever happens to give them a satisfactory escape, and it is hard to hide things from the people who know you the best. I found myself avoiding a couple of my best friends when I was really depressed just because I knew I'd have to talk about it cause I can't pretend with them, I can't just make small talk. Over time it also seems to go in circles - you think you are never going to get better and you don't want to burden everyone else, so you just stop being around that person. I know my friends are sick of hearing about it cause nothing ever changes.

Old 05-22-2006, 02:43 PM   #6
Junior Member
Join Date: May 2006
Location: london, UK
Posts: 23
nou71 HB User
Re: Why do depressed people reject the ones they love the most?????

I agree with these previous posters.

I let my frustrations out on my boyfriend and mum. I am quite hostile with my boyfriend at the moment. I look at him and wonder why is he with me. It's almost like you want to prove to yourself that you were right, that you were worthless, the usual self-destruct button that is pretty strong in some of us.

I have been very depressed since October, and during this time I have kept my distance from others. This is a combination of telling myself I can do without others, not allowing friends to see me at a low, but also because I can't function properly when I am this low so don't want to do any more damage to my friendships.

Makes me pretty sad as I would love to make new friends and improve the ones I have. But the pain is sometimes takes over and it just too much agony to go out and be sociable. I have forced myself to be sociable in the past but all the wrong things come out of my mouth. There is always the fear that they reject you, and they usually do when you come across really nervous and akward, which then just proves your worst fears.

I have just come back form a hen weekend and it was so painful to be around others for the entire 2 days. I didn't really know anyone else even though I had met some of them a couple of times. I was frozen with fear, I didn't know how to interact with the others. I was in so much fear of the other girls I think they all senced it. Everyone else got on sreally well and i was an outsider. I just wanted to run away and hide, put my head in the sand. It's really painful to watch people interact in a normal way and to feal you are sitting on the outside. They all came across pretty content and reasured about themselves, it just made me hate myself even more, oh the wish to be normal. I know alot of it is a front but to be able to function properly would be nice occasionally.

What is odd though is that I am almost even more distant from my boyfriend since getting back.

sorry I have had a ramble, think it maybe the nature of these posts.


Old 05-23-2006, 12:45 AM   #7
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 830
flinch HB User
Re: Why do depressed people reject the ones they love the most?????

Reading this thread, I agree with all the above posts. Would also like to add that sometimes it's an issue of oh they've got enough to worry about, why should they bother with me. If I keep them close I'll only make them sad when they deserve to be happy. But I want to share my story from last night:
Was chatting to one of my very good friends as I do every night, and we got onto depression and how it means I can't actually tell people what i want for fear of them turning and laughing or running off. It got quite heavy for both of us, but as a result of it I managed something extraordinary (this is getting waffly but bear with me people):
I have one friend I've known longer than any other, and for years she's put up with me dancing around and never giving her conformation that I really care much for her. Last night for the first time I actually managed to tell her: I love you, you're the most amazing friend I could ever want and I hope it stays that way for a looong time.
I've wanted to say that for years. So just so you all know, there is hope, you're not as alone as you think, and when you manage to keep someone close it's ana mazing feeling.

Old 05-23-2006, 03:42 AM   #8
Junior Member
Join Date: May 2006
Location: london, UK
Posts: 23
nou71 HB User
Re: Why do depressed people reject the ones they love the most?????

flinch, that is lovely to hear. I know how hard it is to express positive feelings when we are feeling like this. My mum and I had argued for a while because of some anger I had in me, but recently she has been so distressed with some shoddy builders they have working on their home. And although I find it hard to say we love each other, a nice warm hug was enough to say it at that moment in time. Hopefully I will be able to say it.


Old 05-24-2006, 03:44 PM   #9
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 557
nance484 HB User
Re: Why do depressed people reject the ones they love the most?????

Hey, well 4 me, im 17 and have never told ne1. ive hid this for 3years and do not intend on telling ne1 yet. i can step back at times tho and see that i have people around me, but i still feel very detacthed. im rubbish at expressing nething i feel, i dont understand, i feel incredibly stupid and weak to the point i get angry at myself and furious at ne1 who may cotton onto what is going on or ne1 who wud ever try to challnge me. sum mite say im mean or bitter, but im really not, i do not hate the people i dont tell, the oppsote, i love them to much to fact i can tell sum1 probably or express myself more to sum1 i barley know or who i wont see again easier than sum1 like my best freind or a parent. i cudnt watch my parents faces if i told them, its easier cos i know altho its bad i can deal with it myself, i dnt want to burden others and id feel too guilty to move on if i told others.if i feel suicidal for a day, i can focus on it myself, not have others wetting themselves and torturing themselves over it when i know i can resisit it all day and ill be fine in the morning. also, it keeps things more simple if i can have time to sort thru my own head without others interpreations and thoughts thrown at me about me.

Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
Depressed, confused, need urgent advice!! agathi Depression 4 06-03-2009 09:31 AM
Partner of depressed person - seeks advice? macx Family & Friends of the Mentally Ill 17 04-20-2007 06:53 AM
Am I depressed or co-dependent? Trixibel Depression 12 04-05-2007 07:13 AM
What NOT to say to a depressed person kerry1 Depression 185 06-25-2005 09:00 AM
Mom depressed in nursing home SusanNYS Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia 5 03-23-2005 02:18 PM
anyone else get even more depressed on Valentine's Day?!? SomeRandomDude Depression 12 02-15-2005 01:58 PM
why i am depressed cabolash Depression 3 09-07-2004 09:38 PM
did we all get depressed at the same time enoch Depression 86 08-18-2004 06:23 PM
Why must we feel so depressed? There must be a good reason, right? Dr_OcTaGoN Depression 2 12-13-2003 09:02 AM

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

Sign Up Today!

Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

I want my free account

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:55 PM.

Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
© 1998-2018 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!