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Not sure what is wrong with my Gran. Need help/advice.

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Old 07-07-2006, 12:47 PM   #1
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_mystictiger_ HB User
Not sure what is wrong with my Gran. Need help/advice.


I am concerned about my Gran. She is 84, in poor health and will be 85 in 2 weeks time. I'm more concerned about her mental state. I think something may be wrong with her but I'm not sure. I cant tell her doctor because they wont listen to me (they want her to tell them) and she'll be very angry if I go behind her back.

Basically this is what's been happening. I'm not sure how to write this so if it gets muddled up, Im sorry. There's been so much going on that its difficult to put it all into context and into the right order. But I'll try.

As I've said my Gran is nearly 85 and has health problems. It started off with her being very concerned about her health. Overly concerned. She is so concerned that her symptoms act like a Hypocondriac but she's always been like this. But lately...the last 6 weeks or so, she's been more Hypocondriac like.
She is also slightly confused. Not obviously confused but slightly. I dont think unless you know her well you wouldn't be able to notice what's going on. She can be having a conversation with myself or someone else and suddenly she'll say something like "I wonder if he's going to Marry her?" and we're all like "what you on about Gran...we're talking about work. Who's getting married?" and then I realise she's talking about a TV programme. A TV soap that she loves. She's been doing this quite often the last 6-8 weeks. She also gets the names of her 3 grandsons mixed up. She's always had some problem remembering 2 of their names but now she calls each one by the wrong name. She also calls me her daughters name sometimes or her daughter my name. But we laugh it off because we think its a old age thing.

On the bad side of things she's becomming increasingly violent and hard to live with. I'm her carer and have been since I was 16 (before that really). But if I have to go out somewhere, like take my dog to the Vet urgently, she'll start being nasty and making snide comments and when I go out, she'll be straight on the phone to her daughter or grandsons running me down considerably and making out I've walked out and deserted her because I dont care. Earlier I was waiting for a Taxi (had to go Vet) and my best friend phoned, Gran slammed the front door on me and started talking to my best friend and she said some horrible things. Very horrible things. She said I do nothing, I'm going out because I dont care about her and I've got no intention of coming home in time to administer her injection, that I pinch her money, Make her buy a conservatory, refuse to do any house work, stay in bed all day, turn her against the family and then she says things like I killed my dad and grandad and she's going to put down my little dog. The things she are saying are spiteful, completely uncalled for and very un-true. I dont have a life because my life revolves around looking after Gran.

My Gran also said she's going to throw me and my Mum out of the house. We have nowhere to go. When I came back from the Vet she started being "funny" with me again and then calmed down and is acting like nothings happened now.
She also get violent outbursts. Especially towards my Mum. For example if my Mum is in the kitchen having a drink of tea and forgot to clean something for Gran, Gran will jump up outta her chair (when 5 minutes before she was too ill to move-apparently) and go into the kitchen and start shouting at my Mum then she'll block the doorway and wont let Mum out and end up pulling my Mum by her tshirt or hair to make her tidy up. I try to stop her but she doesn't listen and says its my fault and I should be sticking up for her not my Mum because she brought me up.

I cant talk to any of my family about this. I have talked to a family friend and he's noticed she seems worse than before and my best friend has definitely noticed the change in my Gran. I just dont know what to do anymore. Im really thinking of moving out and taking my Mum and dogs with me. Noone else looks after Gran but me so its about time someone else pulled their finger out. But I would hate to leave her but I'm seriously starting to dislike and even hate my Gran. She's making my life hell and my Mums and I think something is going on with her...mentally.

My best friend is going to reply to this post so she can fill in anything I've missed.

What do you all think? I need as much help as possible. Could this be Alzhmiers or something else? Her sister had Alzhmiers but died 2 years ago. Noone else in the family has ever had it before. Please help.

Thank you.

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Old 07-07-2006, 01:17 PM   #2
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tinklestar10 HB User
Re: Not sure what is wrong with my Gran. Need help/advice.


Im the best friend lol. I phoned up earlier like mystic said and she was slagging her off. She was saying some very horrible things which arent true. I think mystic has said everything except about me. Her nan said to me that she doesnt want to be mates with me anymore and that shes fed up with me and that she wants 2 split up with me. I knew this wasnt true as mystic would of told me but it still made me a bit upset. Her nan has got worse, she starts for no reason and shes like it all day. I have been there while shes been like this and shes really hard to control and getting the truth into her head it difficult too. Im suprised how mystic keeps saine and there because it would drive me crazy.

Mystic talks to me about it and i talk to her about it but really shes got very bad and i think its about shes sorted because its not fair. Im going to help mystic has much as i can. Life for her hasnt exactly been easy, ive known her 7 yrs now and shes had a hard life and it just seems to get worse and worse because of her nan. Shes not noone to talk to really so we need to do something about her nan.

Please could you help us or something because we really need it. Thanks

Old 07-07-2006, 01:23 PM   #3
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trg247 HB Usertrg247 HB Usertrg247 HB User
Re: Not sure what is wrong with my Gran. Need help/advice.

I am thinking it might be dementia or alzheimers but she really needs to see a specialist or at least a doctor who will listen.

take care
Major Depressive Disorder With Psychotic Features
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Borderline Personality Disorder
Generalized Anxiety Disorder

Current Meds

Old 07-07-2006, 01:46 PM   #4
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_mystictiger_ HB User
Re: Not sure what is wrong with my Gran. Need help/advice.


tinklestar10 - Thanks for filling in what I missed.

trg247 - Thank you for your reply. I was thinking the same thing but she wont go to the doctor and most of the time the things I've mentioned are not obvious. I live with her 24/7 and so does my Mum so we noticed these things. But people have commented on she seems confused. My driving instructor mentioned on Tuesday he thought my Gran was a bit confused, like she was talking too fast and the words were jumbled up.

She does forget things too. Small things like a dress I am wearing, swears blind she's never seen it before, I tell her she has and she goes off on "One" again and causes a big, heated argument and the atmosphere in the house could be cut with a knife. Its so thick sometimes. *sigh*

I hope anyone else can give me some help here on what they think it is. AS for the confused thing its more of her speech that is confused and slightly her memory with peoples names or forgetting things. But its not seriously forgetting things just slight things but more often that before. I just feel that something "isn't quite right" with my Gran. I wish I knew what though as she doesn't trust me anymore. Most of the times she can be normal like everyone else then all the above starts.

I dont know whether thinking its Alzehmiers is a bit drastic or whether I should think its Alzehmiers. Im all confused. Thanks anyway.

Old 07-08-2006, 03:02 AM   #5
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Bev92 HB User
Re: Not sure what is wrong with my Gran. Need help/advice.

Wow, that sounds awful! Is she on any meds or anything? My gran was simular, if my mom left her for something or didn't give her excatly what she wanted she would start calling all of our relatives and tell them how awful and mean my mom was, not just in a normal tone, it was very aggressive. I'd hate that because my mom looked after her 24/7 since she was about 5 years old and gave her everything she could, her whole life. Or if my gran gave my mom something she really needed, she would expect a favor in return or she would start calling her mean names or try and make her feel bad. I'm not sure what brings this kind of behavior on. When my gran entered a nursing home (because my mom needed her life back), she started to take a lot of meds which made her go absolutely crazy, including having several strokes and she completely lost her mind and eventually she died at only age 77. If she is not on any meds though, maybe something is happening to her emotionally or maybe it's some kind of anxiety. If she won't see a doctor, is it possible that you could have a doc come to your house without her knowing? I really hope you find help, as I know what you're going through.

Old 07-08-2006, 02:37 PM   #6
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_mystictiger_ HB User
Re: Not sure what is wrong with my Gran. Need help/advice.

Hiya Bev.

Thank you for your reply. That is exactly what my Gran is like. She drives me crazy sometimes. I know my cousins have been putting ideas in her head about me so perhaps this has turned her mind and I'm pretty sure my Gran has depression and possible Anxiety because if a bill comes through the post, she freaks out and feels all strange, sweats and her heart pounds. She worries about any little thing, even the normal little things.

She told me this morning at 5am that she wanted to die and has had enough with her life because she doesn't go out anywhere and she thinks I want her dead and dont care or love about her. I've told her several times I love her and care about her, but it doesn't seem to be sinking in. I really think my oldest cousin who hates my guts, has been putting ideas into Grans head and this is why she's like this.

She is on a lot of medication for diabetes, heart disease, angina, high blood pressure, hiatus hernia, arthritis, back problems, fluid in the legs and high cholesterol.

If the doctor comes out they'll need to talk to Gran and she'll deny everything. Its getting so bad now that she's even got my Mum depressed. I've been depressed for several years so I recognise the signs but I wish I could stop Gran behaving like this. She just wont listen to me and thinks I;m the bad one. She also rings up family members (usuall my oldest cousin or her daughter) and plays the victim. Could depression cause these symptoms? I did think she might have early stages of Alzehmiers but now Im pretty sure she doesn't have this. Just a lot of anger and insecurites.

Thank you.

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