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benny-T 10-02-2006 04:13 AM

HELP PLEASE - Bi Polar Girlfriend
Hey everyone.

This is my first time here and I'm hoping I can get some help or better understanding of everything that is happening at the moment.

I started going out with my girlfriend (20) about 3 months ago. We had been friends for 2 years and went out on the occasional date but it wasn't until she had a drug overdose and we started spending alot of time together that we started realised how much we liked each other.

I found out within about 2 weeks of going out with her that she had been diagnosed with bipolar.

She has made some really big changes to her life in the last 3 months. She changed her phone number and got rid of all her friends as she wanted a clean start after she overdosed.

We have done alot of weekend stuff together like camping, fishing, dirtbikes etc. and I have introduced her to new good people who have some direction in life.

She lives back at home with her parents now and she is either there or at mine.

We joined the gym together and go there regularly.

She has had 2 jobs in the last month. The first one only lasted a week as she couldnt handle the pressure (i guess from not having worked for 2 years) and the second job which she really liked she unfortunately lost due to returning staff member who she was meant to be replacing.

Lately she has been getting depressed. She sleeps in till around 12 or 2 pm everyday and trying to wake her is like waking the dead.

She was diagnosed with bi-polar proably 8 months ago and I know she is on eppilim, zyprexa and effexor.

I am wondering if the depression stages she goes through could be related to drinking alcohol at night? She sometimes gets cravings for a drink and last weekend she had 6 rum cans friday night, 6 rum cans saturday night, and 3 rum cans sunday afternoon.

It seems like this might be part of the problem as I notice when she has a few drinks she seems to get down for a few days.

I've tried to get her to stop drinking completely but she says because she has come off drugs (cocaine and ecstacy) that she needs a drink just to take her mind off things.

She is an awesome gurl and i am so proud of her for what she has achieved and is achieving but I would just like some help and maybe a few pointers on what to do.

I hate telling her what to do and would rather suggest ideas and hope that she likes them and gives them a go.

We are planning to go see my psycholigist together to talk to her (I see a psychologist regularly as a child of a Vietnam Veteran) and see what we can do to help our situation.

I think sometimes she dwells on the past maybe, or gets depressed because she is worried about what the future holds.

I really could use some help guys... any help.



Dee-nah 10-02-2006 05:18 AM

Re: HELP PLEASE - Bi Polar Girlfriend
I just wanted to start off saying that you are doing a great job, it makes me happy to see someone trying to help another with bi polar!

Drinking is NOT a good idea, it will definitely set up back, not to mention that it doesn't mix well with her meds... She needs to stop and I know that is probably going to be hard for her but the benefits out way that horrible depressing feeling.

I think you need to plan to see your Pdoc ASAP that way she can have her meds adjusted or switched or anything at this point! He can better educate the both of you on the diease as well. This board is great to ask questions too, I highly suggest you use it as much as possible. Even get her to use it if you can.

Again pat yourself on your back for taking such good care of her and keep us posted on how she and yourself are doing!

jgr01 10-02-2006 06:26 AM

Re: HELP PLEASE - Bi Polar Girlfriend
Hi Benny,

Well, I have done the street drugs you mention and on Friday my pdoc told me i have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol too. He is actually combining meds with drug and drink rehab to help me. Approx 50% of all bp's have some dependence on alcohol at least once in their life; plus it is the the mental condition with the most prevalence to self medicate with alcohol. You do it when you're down and when you're up. But, use it when you're up to 'steady the mania and extend it' and it stops the meds working and also alcohol makes you depressed - alcohol does that on it's own. So, she will be precipitating the highs and lows and knocking the meds out. I'm really struggling with this (don't know why, buried my real dad this month after his suicide - he was a chronic alcoholic for 30 years) so i know the destruction it causes.
I have been severing ties with my friends who do street drugs for months; tbh they were really just folks to take drugs with, not real friends. Alcohol is more difficult. I really enjoy cooking and entertaining for my real friends. Playing Bridge, other boards games and discussing politics etc. So, not having a normal drink with others is a vile prospect for me.
Maybe you can take it step by step? It's difficult to tell someone not to drink if they don't either accept their condition or don't want to see the damage. Perhaps just trying to limit the intake gradually but if that doesn't work. I would mention it to her pdoc. Good luck and well done. My hubby can really get it in the neck some times, i really have to check myself....

benny-T 10-03-2006 06:45 AM

Re: HELP PLEASE - Bi Polar Girlfriend
well now i fear the worst.

my girlfriend has gone missing. i called her today and she said she was at a friends drinking and that she will be going out drinking friday.

her mum called me tonite and said that she told her and her husband that she was staying at mine last nite (a lie) and hasnt come home.

This sux cause she told me she was going to take her meds and go to sleep last nite (another lie).

There are a heap of thoughts going through my head at the moment and I have spoken to mates and my parents and I am really considering breaking up with her now because I don't think I can put up with this if this is what I have to look forward to being with someone who has bipolar...

no offence to anyone who has bipolar, but i think my gf has to get herself completely sorted first before being involved in a relationship.

I honestly have no idea where she is, who she is with, what she is taking and i feel terrible

I am meant to be seeing her tomorrow afternoon when she goes for her horse riding lesson but not too sure how that will go.

If i do decide to break up with her, does anyone have any recommendations how i should go about it as i dont want her flipping out and doing anything stupid.

maybe i should sit her down with her parents and have a talk,. i dont know.

lost, depressed, helpless

ben :(

benny-T 10-03-2006 08:35 PM

Re: HELP PLEASE - Bi Polar Girlfriend
Still cant contact her... this sux... :(

benny-T 10-03-2006 10:42 PM

Re: HELP PLEASE - Bi Polar Girlfriend
feel sick in the stomach... still cant find her. i think we are over...

spoke to her mum before. she told me to stay strong and try to think of myself. she said her daughter has been a nightmare for the last 6 years and the time that i was around she was just so much better. but it seems now she has relapsed and her mum thinks she is going to end up dead probably from a drug overdose or suicide...

i have never felt this lost and helpless over a person before

ok2day 10-03-2006 10:46 PM

Re: HELP PLEASE - Bi Polar Girlfriend
Hi,If she has had trouble sleeping and getting up so late she is proberly manic at the moment, so there is not alot you can do for her. She will proberly get in touch when she is exhausted.Any drugs mixed with her medication is not a good mix and can prolong the manic stage. If you are going to break up with her don't do it until she is rational which may take awhile. Hang on in there and just get on with your life.Life is not easy at the best of times but life goes on good luck keep your spirits up. kind regards ok2day:wave:

benny-T 10-03-2006 10:52 PM

Re: HELP PLEASE - Bi Polar Girlfriend
Thanks ok2day...

I sort of get the basic idea of the bipolar now and its effects. I will go back to work tomorrow and get on with my life. I guess I will just have to go back to being a friend for her.

I guess she has gone manic cause when i spoke to her on the phone yesterday she was all happy but not in touch with reality i guess and its obvious she doesn't care about how her parents, other family members or myself feel.

I will keep you updated of this horrible situation.

Thanks again for keeping me somewhat sane!

benny-T 10-04-2006 02:59 AM

Re: HELP PLEASE - Bi Polar Girlfriend
God has this been the hardest day of my life for ages or what...

My gf came home today to her parents and when i went around we had a reallyyyy big talk.

She relapsed and had gone out and gotten some cocaine off her old friends. She is now back at home and was very upset but is now somewhat more cheerier after our big talk.

I told her how i was considering breaking up with her. How it was either me or the drugs. And if she wanted to be with me she was going to have to make some really serious changes in her life... eg. alcohol abuse prevention etc.

We also chatted about taking her to see my psychologist this friday as she doesnt feel like her psychiatrist is helping her very much at all. She also told me that she hasnt been blood tested for her med levels in over six months and my psychologist told me she should be getting tested rather frequently.

So im guessing when she does go to see my psychologist with me there will be talk about finding her a new psychiatrist.

I am feeling alot bettter now after seeing her and talking through things and i know i am taking a big risk at setting myself up to get hurt but it is a risk i am prepared to take as no other gurl has ever made me so happy before... even though we have just had a rough time.

Thanks for your help guys and gurls.

No doubt you will be hearing from me again soon.

Keep you all updated.

Smile :)

Benny Boy

shorebird 10-04-2006 02:48 PM

Re: HELP PLEASE - Bi Polar Girlfriend
Hi Benny, I feel for you and your gf too. I certainly hope you are able to stay connected to her and help her through this.

benny-T 10-06-2006 05:15 PM

Re: HELP PLEASE - Bi Polar Girlfriend
everything has gone to ****. gf went out and got on drugs last nite and alcohol. slit wrists before. is in hospital now.

i dont even know if its the bipolar that is causing problems or the drug addiction. i think its easier for people to blame the bipolar as then no body is to blame.

Its a wierd old life LOL :(

I am just trying to detatch myself at the moment and i think once all this is over i will just have to go back to being friends.

Oh godddddddddd...... GIVE ME STRENGTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :blob_fire :blob_fire :blob_fire

bustamychops 11-13-2006 09:20 AM

Re: HELP PLEASE - Bi Polar Girlfriend
Hello, reading your post and I know what she is going through, I am bipolar and found that effexor increases your appetite for alcohol. I went from 1-2 drinks a day to over 10 since I was on Effexor, get her off that and try paxil. That was the best med for me.

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