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    Old 11-19-2006, 04:14 PM   #1
    minx5150
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    I need help dealing with my girlfriend who is bipolar

    I am in a rutt. My girlfriend is bipolar and I try to do things as she asks but it is not enough. I know that it is not her but her condition because I have seen her in a "normal" state, which I fell in love with, but it has gotten harder to put up with her mood swings and I am at a crossroad in our relationship. Should I just call it quits and leave her to her condition or be the friend that she knows me to be and try and help her through her condition. I know that I cannot do anything that she doesn't want to do in order to help her, but her illness is tearing us apart. ANY information or advice would be helpful and welcome. THANKS!!!!

     
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    Old 11-19-2006, 05:34 PM   #2
    mudhound
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    Re: I need help dealing with my girlfriend who is bipolar

    You have a good heart to want to help your girlfriend. Other most likly have said "RUN!" However, there is no better way to help someone who has BP that to just love them.
    Yes, that's right. We (my wife of 20+ year) have to love them in the lows and the highs.
    With treatment a lot of folks who have this illness never have problems.
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    Old 11-19-2006, 06:03 PM   #3
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    Re: I need help dealing with my girlfriend who is bipolar

    I know how difficult it is to love someone who has BP. Nothing you do can EVER FILL HER WOUNDED SOUL. Do you feel she is sucking the life out of you? Do you feel as if an 18 wheeler has run over you?

    I know I do. my daughter (17) has done that to me.

    Minx, all I can say that it is a long painful road. Your girlfriend has to take full responsiblility for her mental health, which is not easy to do. As you can see from these boards, many have and many want to. But many who have joined this board are people like myself who have BP loved ones. We struggle with the fact that our BP significant others are not fully committed to their mental health.

    Here is the truth: If you stay with her, she will still have BP and you will be victimized. Just by being there.

    If you leave her, she will still have BP and you will be victimized becuase you have left her.

    So, what should you do? You should encourage her to do research. to learn about her illness, to seek therapy and to take medication. You should go to support groups with her and root for her happiness. But you should not sacrafice your life and your happiness, if she is not willing to face this beast head on.

    Believe me, I wish I had the option that you have. I am a mother forever. I beg my child to do what I suggested your girlfriend does.

    This illness has cost me my family (because few understand it and are quick to judge me as an unfit mother with an unruly child), my friends, becuase I no longer feel like putting on nice clothes and make up and going out with the girls, so my friends don't call me anymore. And I have lost myself, becuase my daughter has sucked out the fun and the easy to be with person I used to be.

    If your girlfriend doesn't own up 100% to her illness and makes 100% committment to getting better... you just won't be able to do anyhting for her and you will be hurt.

    Love to you,
    Laura

     
    Old 11-19-2006, 10:34 PM   #4
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    Re: I need help dealing with my girlfriend who is bipolar

    Hi Minx1550, I have a bipolar husband and whatever I did was never enough. It is impossible to fill the bottomless pit of needs that a person in an episode has. I have to look after my own emotional health and you do too. Sometimes love is not enough, especially when the person does not do all that can be done to maintain his or her stability. I think that it is important for you to maintain your own emotional wellness and if the relationship threatens this, may be it is time to detach a little to regain perspective and re-energise. I am not suggesting that you leave or stay, that decision is yours. I'm not giving up on my husband, but the time apart has really been good for me.

     
    Old 11-20-2006, 06:08 AM   #5
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    Re: I need help dealing with my girlfriend who is bipolar

    While I have the utmost empathy for a person with any illness I feel you should not stay in a relationship to save the other person and lose yourself. As others said it can suck the life out of you. You have to determine if its worth it. With or without you your girlfriend will have her problems. It really is a sad situation.

     
    Old 11-20-2006, 12:16 PM   #6
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    Re: I need help dealing with my girlfriend who is bipolar

    Thanks for everyone who has given me advice and information. There is another question that I would like to post. Would I be a "bad" guy and recommend that we have seperate households, as she has "thrown" me out several times in the last year.

     
    Old 11-20-2006, 01:45 PM   #7
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    Re: I need help dealing with my girlfriend who is bipolar

    You'll be a bad guy no matter what. That's one of the pains of loving a BP person. Nothing you do is EVER right. If you have the option of maintaining separate households, go for it! You are not responsible for her illness. Minx, trust me, you need to do what is right for YOU.

    laura

     
    Old 11-20-2006, 02:39 PM   #8
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    Re: I need help dealing with my girlfriend who is bipolar

    I was wondering if you have ever discussed treatment with her?

     
    Old 11-20-2006, 03:05 PM   #9
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    Re: I need help dealing with my girlfriend who is bipolar

    I wish sometimes I had the option of a seperation for a little of me time. Good luck with whatever you choose.

     
    Old 11-20-2006, 08:34 PM   #10
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    Re: I need help dealing with my girlfriend who is bipolar

    I agree with Laura (LAP18). Separate households will give you respite without totally detaching if you don't feel ready for that.

     
    Old 11-21-2006, 07:03 AM   #11
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    Re: I need help dealing with my girlfriend who is bipolar

    Hi Minx,

    my girlfriend/partner is bipolar, and yeah, things can get a little scary at times. But, and this is a great step forward for herand for us as a couple, she has finally accepted that there are times when she does need to take her medication. It has been a struggle getting this far, but she is accepting responsibility and trying to gain some degree of control. One thing I did not do was to say "you MUST take your medication..." as this would have caused confrontation and maybe sparked a serious episode. Support, love and understanding are all you may be able to offer at times. Damned frustrating, I know. But if you have the commitment and the love then it will be worthwhile, as long as you know that sometimes nothing you can do or say will be right!! Chin up sweetie!

    xxJ

     
    Old 01-19-2007, 10:14 AM   #12
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    Re: I need help dealing with my girlfriend who is bipolar

    Hi Mate...

    I have just been posting about my relationship blues with my GF and someone suggested I view here. Without confirmation of her status, I am in the same boat. I have been abused, belittled, almost dehumanised and then the next moment she is the most amazing woman on the planet. I need to find out more about this condition but from the heart mate... If you love her, find a way to stick it out. You will only hate yourself if you dont and you sound like a genuine person. Good luck!!

     
    Old 01-19-2007, 10:19 AM   #13
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    Re: I need help dealing with my girlfriend who is bipolar

    the only way this has a chance is if she accepts responsibility for her actions, for her illness, and gets some help for it. An un-medicated bi-polar person is a trainwreck looking for a brick wall to crash into.
    It doesn't matter how much you love them........you can't love them enough to make them well......they need medicine for that.

     
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