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  • My schizophrenic boyfriend just dumped me.What can I do?

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    Old 02-22-2007, 10:03 AM   #1
    HelpingRobin
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    My schizophrenic boyfriend just dumped me.What can I do?

    I only recently found out that my boyfriend has mild, drug-induced schizophrenia. He has a high degree of thought disorder and paranoia and is on medication. Anyway, when I found out that he has SZ (from a 3rd party) everything started making a lot more sense to me. I did a lot of research on the topic and felt a lot closer to him. Even though I was frightened, I decided to give it a shot, and unfortunately, I fell in love.

    Today, he decided to dump me. He said that while we were out at a club (a very drug-fueled, confusing club), I talked to too many people, and I talked about him too much. I asked him what exactly I said that bothered him and he said that I was talking so fast that he couldn't monitor every word. But he is convinced that I spread rumors about him throughout the club and now he has says people there are thinking and saying things about him. He feels betrayed. He says he felt/feels so intensely dissapointed in me.

    I've tried to explain to him that I was very drunk and the extent of what I said was idle chit chat like, "this is my boyfriend" or "he's an artist" or things of that nature. I'm ashamed to say I also talked about our relationship a bit, but only as it pertained to me, and I certainly never revealed aything private about him. I told him that if I revealed too much about him then I'm very sorry and it was because I drank too much and I didn't understand how it would make him feel and I won't do it again. Honestly the reason I talked about him was because I love him and I'm proud and excited to be with him. But it is as if everything has gone sour between us. I'm really angry, because I found out that he has this potentially lifelong debilitating mental illness, and I decided I could accept it and try my best to help him. I say a little too much in a club drunk one night and he is convinced I have conspired to ruin his good name and is dumping me forever.

    I mean, is this just the nature of dating someone with SZ? Paranoia, jumping to false conclusions, being convinced the person closest to you is out to get you? What can I do? Is it possible his meds will kick in in the next few days and he'll realize he's being paranoid? At this point I'm not sure I can love him in the same way again-- I feel scared and hurt that he could just turn on me so quickly. Should I just try and forget he ever existed?

     
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    Old 02-27-2007, 05:07 AM   #2
    HelpingRobin
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    Re: My schizophrenic boyfriend just dumped me.What can I do?

    Thanks for your very kind reply, Brittany. It really helped me a lot to hear about schizoaffective disorder from a first person point of view. I've spent the last week pretty much in anguish. Before the night at the club, everything had been going really well. I didn't know that he had schizophrenia, I didn't know that he shouldn't be taking street drugs. We had said we loved each other.

    Well, he is definitely not taking a high enough dose of the new anti-psychotic because he is still paranoid and confused a lot of time (although much better than before he started on it). But the other day, he finished the last of his 10 starter pills and he said to me (right before he dumped me), that he wasn't going to take anymore pills because 10 pills was the full course of treatment and that he was now completely better. He also says that he doesn't mind discussing his schizophrenia because it is a thing of the past, a diagnosis from 2 years ago that he has now completely recovered from. He says he now only has paranoia but that he feels quite sane. This after he took me to the psychiatric emergency hospital to get STD tests(the staff was pretty confused as to why we were there) and after we went to his psychiatric appointment (presumably scheduled so he could get more pills), and it turns out he had noted completely the wrong time and the office was closed. I also notice that he has some manic and OCD tendencies-- he's always jumping around compulsively cleaning his flat or working on art projects and he doesn't seem to need more than a few hours sleep a night.

    Anyway, he says that before the club he felt this love for me growing in him and he felt he could get really close to me, but that afterwards he couldn't trust me and it's just a strong feeling inside of him that says... NO. He also says he loves me and he wants to be really good friends. I mean, I KNOW that he's not sane, but I can't help feeling that he has his moments of sanity, and in his sanity, he is completely rejecting me. I loved him, I totally exposed myself to him. When I found out about his diagnosis, my heart broke for him and I was determined to do anything to get him on the right track. I told him that I couldn't stand by as he took street drugs anymore. I think that flipped him out. Did he choose drugs over me? But there's nothing that I can do. He and his brother (also mild drug-induced psychosis), don't grasp the situation that they're in and they continue to use drugs. I don't know, I just feel like a failure. Maybe I am the one who is insane. When I found out he had schizophrenia, I should have immediately dumped him and protected myself, as most normal people would do.

     
    Old 03-22-2007, 12:28 AM   #3
    novembre
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    Re: My schizophrenic boyfriend just dumped me.What can I do?

    I had a close friend who had schizophrenia, someone I knew for several years. I posted about him here over two years ago, after he abruptly told me one day that he doesn't want to talk me anymore because I'm not the person he thought I was, and basically that I'm not a good person. He didn't say why. He said I was lucky that he told me that at all, as opposed to just never talking to me again. There was no reconsideration, no room for discussion, that was it. Two years later, still nothing.

    It's still hard for me to accept because I thought of him as a close friend that I could confide in, and he thought of me as a trusted friend for years when he hardly trusted anyone. Suddenly all that seemed to be for nothing, no leniency or forgiveness whatsoever. It still hurts that I lost a good friend, and it's hard not to blame myself if I said anything offensive to him, but I don't even know what that would've been. I tried asking so we could talk about it, but no. I have to force myself to not send him an email because I'm afraid of sending him over the edge and making him feel worse about me, no matter what I say. Try not to second guess yourself in this situation, you'll drive yourself crazy. I think it's better to move on.

    Last edited by novembre; 03-22-2007 at 12:31 AM.

     
    Old 03-22-2007, 09:09 AM   #4
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    Re: My schizophrenic boyfriend just dumped me.What can I do?

    People with schizophrenia have a long history of having their paranoia flare, then they turn on you and catch you completely by surprise. Professionals are accustomed to this and usually react by calmly asking if they are having a bad day. The sudden accusations are not about you, they are about the disease.

     
    Old 03-22-2007, 09:16 AM   #5
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    Re: My schizophrenic boyfriend just dumped me.What can I do?

    People with schizophrenia have a long history of having their paranoia flare, then they turn on you and catch you completely by surprise. Professionals are accustomed to this and usually react by calmly asking if they are having a bad day. The sudden accusations are not about you, they are about the disease.

    Re drug induced mental illnesses. The internet might be full of this theory, but the leading experts say drugs cannot be a cause of mental illnesses any more than they cause ALS, or MS, or rheumatoid arthritis. Just because drugs affect the mind and moods, people constantly try to link them together. Mental Illnesses are biologically based. If drugs caused these diseases, the diseases would have been eliminated a long time ago. But schizophrenia and bipolar are still very common diseases.

    Last edited by michael178; 03-22-2007 at 09:17 AM.

     
    Old 03-25-2007, 02:50 AM   #6
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    Re: My schizophrenic boyfriend just dumped me.What can I do?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by HelpingRobin View Post
    , I should have immediately dumped him and protected myself, as most normal people would do.
    Normal people suck- its great to be diffferent-yes you tried it well atleast you now know for the futue right?
    I'd say just be friends and treat him differently(as in how he needs to be treted)
    xxSehxx

     
    Old 04-05-2007, 09:16 PM   #7
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    Re: My schizophrenic boyfriend just dumped me.What can I do?

    schizophrenia does not mean a person is insane. i have SZ and i am far from being insane. i do realize that i am a paranoid person, i hear voices, see things and have an extremely flat affect, but i can still live a relatively normal life. people who are truely insane cannot.

     
    Old 04-06-2007, 09:27 AM   #8
    michael178
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    Re: My schizophrenic boyfriend just dumped me.What can I do?

    sophiajmb, I am curious about the meds you take, and how effective you feel they are, whether your symptoms flare on you.

     
    Old 04-06-2007, 11:03 AM   #9
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    Re: My schizophrenic boyfriend just dumped me.What can I do?

    i take zyprexa 20mg for the SZ, ambien 10mg for chronic insomnia, focalin 20mg for ADD, and buspar 10mg for anxiety. i dont feel that the buspar is that effective with my anxiety but all of my other medication has helped me tremendously. sometimes i have bad days where i hear the voices, but i can usually tell them to go away and they do. so no, my symptoms really do not flare up at all.

     
    Old 04-07-2007, 06:11 AM   #10
    Catman74
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    Re: My schizophrenic boyfriend just dumped me.What can I do?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by HelpingRobin View Post
    When I found out he had schizophrenia, I should have immediately dumped him and protected myself, as most normal people would do.
    Booooo. I understand your feelings, but lets not lump all SZs into the "get dumped cause you got SZ" category. I would be heart-broken if my girlfriend left me just cause I had SZ.

     
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