my friend always says that he is ugly...

resolution09

Is he ugly? Physically unattractive?

Friends have a difficult time being truthful about this. I'm not asking if he's a nice person, good friend, intelligent, helpful or any of the other qualities that draw you to him. But in an honest evaluation, is he ugly? It would make a difference in how I would think it should be handled if he is being realistic in that opinion of himself or if he isn't actually ugly and it's a misconception of himself.

mcjohnjohn

I don't think that he is ugly, but he is not handsome either. He is just a normal guy.

In his opinion, he thinks that if he is not handsome, that means he is ugly. He always compares himself with friends who are handsomer than him. He also thinks that because he is ugly, many ppl around (e.g. colleagues) him always tease him. He is 31 yo already...

As his friend, I am exhausted to consult him. He totally hates his appearance! I cannot find any way to help him...

resolution09

That's really difficult. I think this happens a lot in friendships between females, where one needs constant reassurance of her looks but I think it's not typical for a man. But you know what surprises me the most? That in the age bracket you give he still has peers who make fun. I thought men eventually left that behind when they got to their mid-20's.

My inclination was to ask you if there was a situation where you could point out a similar looking man, someone who is in the same "looks" range. Like if he's a 6, point out some other guy who's a 6 and ask him to describe that person. And if he's kinder in his view of the other person, explain why you picked that person and see if he can express why he can be kind to the other person but not himself.

But the fact is, if he's an average looking fellow, I don't think the idea would register or even matter. To be honest, I thought you'd say he really was rather unattractive. But if he's average and just sort of stuck in the rut of believing himself ugly, I don't know what you can do until he's ready to change. And it's a pity. I know where of I speak. I've always thought I was unattractive. Within the past year I saw some family picture of myself as a young teen and I actually looked quite nice. It took me by surprise. But if you'd have told me that then, I would have been shut down to hearing it. I'd never been given that message at home and hearing it elsewhere wouldn't have mattered. Now I know I had that completely backwards.

Good luck. You sound like a nice, mature man. And good friend. Wish we had a few more of you.

mcjohnjohn

resolution09,

As same as you, I could not believe that his peers would waste time on teasing him. But as he is my friend, I choose to trust what he says.

You exactly pointed out a issue. My friend is a person who is kind to other person but strict to his own. He only cares his appearance even he knows that he is an average guy. He doesn't want to be average...

He has considered to have plastic surgery to make him more handsome. He keeps asking me which part of his face make him ugly, however, I really have no clue. As his friend, I really don't want him to do such risky operation, and fortunately, he is still not brave enough to do that.

He is depressed for his appearance, and he always feels sad. I advised him to visit psychologist and he went for it. After the treatment, his depression is lesser, but he still think himself ugly.

As his friend, I always wish him have a happy life. I would like to help him but I don't know what I can do.