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    Old 01-18-2009, 03:15 AM   #61
    dreams in neon
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    Re: Has my 9 year old daughter got scizophrenia?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by jsfai View Post
    Dreams,
    Can I ask about your PTSD? Or is it something you prefer not to share...
    J
    Sure you can. What is your question?
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    Old 01-18-2009, 03:23 AM   #62
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    Re: Has my 9 year old daughter got scizophrenia?

    Strawberry Girl,

    I'm sorry I didn't answer two of your questions.

    I have the support of 2 of my sisters, but they are the only people in my family since I do not talk to other members ever since my parents passed away. (This isn't due to the fact that we don't get along. We have a great relationship, but since my parents died, we no longer get together for family events and holidays.)

    I live alone, but have wonderful neighbors who keep an eye on me to make sure I'm okay. My landlord is also aware of my bipolar and always asks me how my moods are and whether I'm doing well or struggling.

    So I do feel as if I have a pretty healthy support system: my 2 sisters, my neighbors, my therapist and psychiatrist.

    I'm so glad your daughter had a good day yesterday! That's definitely a positive sign! Perhaps her meds are beginning to work. At any rate, they must be doing something to help relieve her symptoms if her mood is improving. That's great! I'm so happy for you both!

    By the way, if you do decide to try play therapy with your daughter, I'd be interested in knowing how well it works for her. Good luck!
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    Last edited by dreams in neon; 01-18-2009 at 03:25 AM.

     
    Old 01-18-2009, 04:25 AM   #63
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    Re: Has my 9 year old daughter got scizophrenia?

    Hi Dreams,

    Having just read your two last postings, I am even further amazed by your positive attitude, insight, courage and willingness to support and advise others! I had no idea that you also experienced deafblindness too. To what degree does this affect you? Were you born with this condition? Despite all the adversity you face on a daily basis, you do not display any bitterness for your situation. You are a true inspiration to anyone who reads your posts or comes into contact with you. I for one feel truely humbled by your experiences. We all have so much to learn from you - so I will continue to encourage you to turn these experiences into a positive and write a book - or two books! You clearly have the knowledge and ability to do so and I do believe your story will be of benefit to so many, as well as being theraputic to you.

    Despite a good day yesterday, my daughter heard voices and exprienced visual hallucinations in the evening. She believes that her 'voices' are inside her body causing her harm to the point where she will kill herself. She also told me that the 'enemy voices' were living in the street lights. When she awoke this morning she complained of severe headache and dizzness and begun vomiting again. She is now saying that she does not want to take the medication. This morning she continues to hear voices, but there is an improvement in her mood.

    Dreams, the cantonia sounds truely horrifying. Thank you for providing us with an insight into this experience, as I have never fully understood what this was - until now! I have seen medical references to it on the internet, but it is not the same as hearing a personal account.

    What were your personal experiences of being hospitalised for your illness? Have you had any negative experiences with the Psychs. or psych. nurses while an in-patient?

    Take care Dreams.

     
    Old 01-18-2009, 04:42 AM   #64
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    Re: Has my 9 year old daughter got scizophrenia?

    Hi Jsfai,

    How are you? I am doing ok - but thank you for your concern.

    I know there may be beneifts of her being hospitalised - if only to stablise her on the medication, but it is something I need to consider further. As her mother, I have the guilt of feeling I am 'giving up on her' or letting her down by not being there for her. As a mother yourself you will know we spend much or our waking hours feeling 'guilty' over our children. Logically I know there is another perspective to this, but at the moment I just feel she needs me when she becomes distressed. Maybe I will be able to negoitate an admission to a hospital which is closer to home. Hopefully we will find a solution soon.

    What about you Jsfai - how is life for you at the moment?

     
    Old 01-18-2009, 06:18 AM   #65
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    Re: Has my 9 year old daughter got scizophrenia?

    Strawberry Girl,

    I was born totally blind, so blindness is all I've ever known. I do not consider it a disability. What I like to tell people is, "I don't do amazing things. I do normal things differently."

    As for my deafness, I was born hard of hearing. By age 15 my hearing loss progressed to a moderately-severe level and I required hearing aids.

    By age 24, my hearing loss progressed to severe-profound which is 5 dB above being profoundly deaf.

    At age 33 I chose to receive my first cochlear implant and 2 years later, my second.

    When I first lost my hearing, I was extremely angry. It wasn't until I met a wonderful deafblind woman while in training at my local deafblind center that I began to realize that I was the one who was in control of how limiting my deafblindness would be. I'll never forget what she said to me: "dreams in neon, you have two choices. You can either continue to feel angry and resentful about your disabilities and feel that way 24/7 or you can move on with your life. Which do you prefer?" She was exactly right and after I heard those words, it was the beginning of a new milestone for me. I don't view deafblindness as a disability. If anything, I think of it as a gift from God because it has made me a stronger person and allowed me to meet so many caring people along the way.

    As far as my hospitalizations are concerned, I've been hospitalized a total of
    9 times (6 times were between the ages of 20 and 25). My most recent hospitalization was last month when I had been manic for several weeks, rapid cycling and "crashed" into psychotic depression.

    I attended 3 different psych hospitals. The first one was very positive
    (6 inpatient stays there). We had group and daily meetings with a pdoc, but nothing else.

    When that hospital went out of business, I went to another (2 inpatient stays) and my experience there was HORRIBLE. As you know, I have cochlear implants and one evening when I was sleeping (I only had one cochlear implant at the time), one of the nurses removed my implant without my permission. Needless to say I was NOT happy. At that same hospital, one nurse came barging into my room when I was in the bathroom getting dressed to tell me it was time to take my meds and another nurse angrily kicked my bed to wake me up (since I'm totally deaf without my cochlear implants) instead of gently touching my hand or arm. At this hospital we didn't have any group meetings, but we did have art therapy.

    The final hospital I attended was the best (I had one inpatient stay here but will be returning again if I need to.). The ER staff was compassionate and understanding. The hospital staff was wonderful as well and each room was equipped with a nurse call button so that if you needed help, someone could come directly to your room without you having to walk to the nurse's station. If you were struggling with depression, delusions and/or auditory hallucinations, they would allow you to eat meals in your room. They allowed me to since I was so depressed, psychotic and sleep deprived that I couldn't move. The pdoc here was also MUCH nicer than those at the other 2 hospitals I mentioned. Every morning a nurse would ask me if I was hearing any voices and how I felt. They were also nice enough to ask the pdoc if I could be switched from regular Depakote to Depakote Sprinkles because I started coughing (due to my difficulty swallowing standard pills). The pdoc also spent a good bit of time with me every day and didn't rush me. This hospital did not have any group sessions, but they did have art therapy and a relaxation class. I also wanted to mention that when I told the ER that I was hearing voices that were telling me to harm myself and that I had been manic for several weeks, they actually understood what I was talking about and took the time to interview me thorougly. The doctor also repeated back everything I told him so I could be more in touch with what was going on since I drifted in and out of reality. There were a few times where I rapid cycled between speaking very, very fast and getting extremely angry, but the doctor and the rest of the ER staff didn't seem phased by this and told me everything would be okay and that they were going to talk to the pdoc to ask if I should be admitted. When one of the nurses asked me if I had a guide dog I said "yes" and she told me that the next time I'm inpatient the staff would be more than happy to help relieve, feed and take care of her. Something else I really liked about this hospital was how attentive the group leaders were. One day in art therapy class I was having an extremely difficult time staying awake, so I kept closing my eyes and stopping what I was doing. The group leader noticed this and said, "dreams in neon, are you tired? You can always take a break if you'd like." That really impressed me because it showed that they were attentive enough to realize something abnormal was happening. Long story short, I can't say enough good things about this hospital!

    If you have any other questions about my experiences, please feel free to ask. I'd be more than happy to answer them.
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    Last edited by dreams in neon; 01-18-2009 at 06:36 AM.

     
    Old 01-18-2009, 06:33 AM   #66
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    Re: Has my 9 year old daughter got scizophrenia?

    Strawberry Girl,

    I just wanted to say that since your daughter just started her meds, it may take awhile before you notice any improvement. Sometimes it isn't uncommon for meds to take 4-8 weeks to work. Hang in there!
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    Trazodone 100mg or 200mg PRN

     
    Old 01-18-2009, 07:06 AM   #67
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    Re: Has my 9 year old daughter got scizophrenia?

    Dreams.

    You have such a positive phillosphy to life. I do not regard you as a 'victim', as you are undoubtedly a 'survivor'. You have learnt from your experiences (both good and bad) and you inspire us all by your words of wisdom. I have genuine empathy for you ( I will not use the word 'sympathy' as I know that is not what you want or need) and the hurdles you have had to face along your journey. YOu are a unique individual - how easy it would be for you to simply become a 'victim' of your circumstances, but you have made the choice not to be and are turning your expreinces into positives to help not only your self, but others too.

    I am sorry to hear that not all your hospital experiences have been positive. The nurse who removed your cochlear inplant was cruel and thoughtless. We all deserve dignity and respect - perhaps one day she too will be in a vulenrable position and will learn how it feels to be vulenrable and dependent upon others. Equally true for the nurse who angrily kicked your bed to wake you up - undoubtedly an abusive act! These are reasons why I fear my own child going into hospital and encoutering staff who lack understanding and compassion. Did you complain about the care you received? At least you know should the situation ever arise whereby you did need to be hospitalised again, you can be admitted to a hosptial you are familar with and trust. IT sounds as if there were very caring and aware of your individual needs.

    How long have you had a guide dog by your side? I am sure you must have a close bond with him/her?

    Dreams, I need to close now as I have promised to take my two daughters to the playground and they are now standing next to me with coats and scarves on!!

    I will check in later. I am sure I have many more questions to ask you!

     
    Old 01-18-2009, 10:25 AM   #68
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    Re: Has my 9 year old daughter got scizophrenia?

    Strawberry Girl,

    No, I never bothered to complain because that hospital has a bad reputation, but nothing is ever done about it. There were a few serious incidents that happened (which I don't want to mention here) but despite that, the place wasn't closed down like I think it should have been.

    Before I went inpatient last month I told my sister that I wanted to go to that hospital again since I was familiar with them. She advised me not to and so did the first pdoc I saw (before I changed to the one I currently see). I'm so glad both of them recommended that I not return because my experience at the second hospital was so much better.

    I've been working with guide dogs since 1991. My first guide dog was a 65 pound golden retriever named Sugar. She was a delightful dog, but a handful too! Her name fit her perfectly since she was always ready to give you her paw or a kiss. My current dog is a 45 pound yellow lab named Tigger. She's a real sweetheart and very intelligent too. She can respond to my commands in American Sign Language (even though I am able to voice for myself) and even though she wasn't specifically trained to do so, alerts me to various sounds around my home such as someone knocking at the door or ringing my apartment intercom.
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    Old 01-18-2009, 10:45 AM   #69
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    Re: Has my 9 year old daughter got scizophrenia?

    Hi Dreams

    My daugters would both adore Tigger, as they love animals. It is amazing how intelligent dogs can be. Do you have any practical help at home or do you manage independently?

    I am so sorry about your experiences at the hospital. I perfectly understand your reasons for not wishing to disclose too much detail in this site. I too am aware that there are things I cannot say on this forum, as it can be accessed by anyone, so I need to be selective in what I disclose too.

     
    Old 01-18-2009, 10:51 AM   #70
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    Re: Has my 9 year old daughter got scizophrenia?

    Strawberry Girl,

    I also wanted to mention that another reason I feel so fortunate is because I have such a high degree of insight (as observed and pointed out by my therapist and psychiatrist) into my illnesses. My therapist told me that I have a severe case of bipolar due to the rapid cycling and auditory hallucinations. I consider myself so fortunate and believe that God is watching over me because He has given me the strength to think critically and fluidly.
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    Last edited by dreams in neon; 01-18-2009 at 10:57 AM.

     
    Old 01-18-2009, 10:56 AM   #71
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    Re: Has my 9 year old daughter got scizophrenia?

    Strawberry Girl,

    I live independently, but once a week my sister comes over to help me with certain things around the house such as completing paperwork and reading mail that my computer cannot. (I have a special speech-to-text software program that reads aloud printed information in a synthetic voice. You place a print document on a flatbed scanner, the scanner takes a picture of the image and reads it aloud.)
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    Trazodone 100mg or 200mg PRN

     
    Old 01-18-2009, 11:09 AM   #72
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    Re: Has my 9 year old daughter got scizophrenia?

    Yes you do have an exceptionally high level of insight into your illness, which enables you to be so rational and philosophical about your experiences, whereas the majority in your situation would become angry and bitter. Of course living your life feeling angry and bitter will only blight your life and lead you into misery.

    Is it easy for you to access the messages via this board, or does it take some time for the pc to interprut the messages for you?

    I know I am going nto very sensitive territory, but did the loss of your parents have an adverse impact upon your mental health? How long ago did your parents pass away?

    I note that you have referred to 'god' within your posts. Are you a christian and if so do you find comfort in your faith?

     
    Old 01-18-2009, 12:55 PM   #73
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    Re: Has my 9 year old daughter got scizophrenia?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Strawberry Girl View Post
    Hi Jsfai,
    I know there may be benefits of her being hospitalized - if only to stablise her on the medication, but it is something I need to consider further. As her mother, I have the guilt of feeling I am 'giving up on her' or letting her down by not being there for her. As a mother yourself you will know we spend much or our waking hours feeling 'guilty' over our children. Logically I know there is another perspective to this, but at the moment I just feel she needs me when she becomes distressed. Maybe I will be able to negoitate an admission to a hospital which is closer to home. Hopefully we will find a solution soon.
    Ahhhhh- mummy guilt - it's a killer isn't it. No one can explain it to you until you give birth and then it starts immediately! That intense love is only to deepen the guilt. The need to give everything to our beloved children, to protect them but to help them become independent people, to guard their childhood but also to help them grow. So many contradictions, so much worry about getting things right, so much guilt....but the love makes it all easy to do, so very very rewarding.
    But - admitting you daughter is not giving up on her at all. It is making use of all the resources available to help her fight this illness, it would be brave. Maybe it might be a positive experience that will give her the courage to seek help independent as she grows older.
    As to which hospital, I would take guidance from you daughters pysch. Go for the best, not the most convenient. DO they have a day program, maybe that could ease her into being away from you...
    sorry I am not trying to tell you that you must admit your daughter, I am just saying that there is a different way of thinking about it. As Dreams has described, it could be a very positive experience. Scary to be sure...no one could deny that. ONe thing that I have learnt throughout my career is that there is no such thing as a wrong decision. You can only make decisions about things based on the knowledge and feelings you have at that moment in time. The future may change and that is why we are allowed to change our minds, but there is no such thing as a wrong decision - so no regrets about those decisions either....

    Thank you for kind concerns too. I am actually well at the moment. I see my psych in a few days and I am a bit nervous as his office seems to be a place where I truly drop my guard and things that I didn't even know that were there come flowing out...I expect that this shows how good he is at his job!

    Dreams - the book is a complete must. I too, had no idea of your deaf blindness. The very fact that it hasn't the first thing you mention just goes to show that it is something that is not an overall issue for you. We, the hearing and seeing, are often amazed at the ability's of people in your position because we are the ones who don't appreciate our positions. I think we are the ones that need to examine our strengths...and by the way I expect your computer may have a few struggles with my spelling LOL.

    Do you think that your deaf blindness has help you develop you insight into your voices etc?
    I wanted to ask what triggered your PTSD and how it has effected your bipolar?
    I hope that you are both having good days. Thank you for sharing your wonderful thoughts.

    J

     
    Old 01-18-2009, 02:12 PM   #74
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    Re: Has my 9 year old daughter got scizophrenia?

    Strawberry Girl,

    The loss of my parents had a negative effect on my overall emotional stability. I especially had a difficult time after I lost my mother because we had such a close relationship.

    My father passed away in 1999 and my mother passed away in 2004.

    I am a Christian who was raised with a strong Catholic background ever since I was 5.

    However, I broke away from the church after I was confirmed in 12th grade. A wonderful friend of mine introduced me to a terrific non denominational church that I've been attending for the past 4 years. The people there are so loving and caring and don't look at my deafblindness as a punishment from God. I guess you could say that they are also a part of my support system even though they do not know about my bipolar or PTSD.
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    Old 01-18-2009, 02:23 PM   #75
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    Re: Has my 9 year old daughter got scizophrenia?

    J,

    I actually understood your message quite well. LOL!

    I forgot to answer Strawberry Girl's question about my computer. I use a screen reader and Braille display to read messages. The screen reader converts information that appears on the computer screen into synthetic speech and also sends it to the Braille display. The Braille display is rectangular in shape and consists of small pins that move up and down to form letters and numbers. The board is laid out in a pretty straightforward way, so I don't have any problems reading messages or accessing the site.

    I definitely think my deafblindness has played a positive role in the amount of insight I have into my illnesses. If it were not for the fact that I became a stronger person after losing my hearing, I can tell you that I would have a far more difficult time dealing with my symptoms than I do.

    My PTSD was caused by 4 different traumas that occured to me over an 18 year period. For privacy's sake, I'd rather not mention what the traumas were, but let's just say they caused me a great deal of difficulty. I experience flashbacks on a daily basis which also cause auditory hallucinations. Anytime I notice certain things in my environment such as anger or tenseness in a person's voice, it triggers me.

    My PTSD doesn't really affect my bipolar since whenever I experience a flashback I lose complete touch with reality and cannot hear anything happening around me. Once I come out of a flashback, I'm confused but not manic or anything like that. Sometimes I do end up feeling depressed after a flashback because they are a painful reminder of the traumas I went through, but my sadness doesn't last long and is nowhere near as severe as the depression I experience when having a depressive episode due to my bipolar.
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    Trazodone 100mg or 200mg PRN

     
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