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  • Should I send this "closure" letter to my Bipolar boyfriend? It's been 4 weeks.

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    Old 02-21-2009, 07:48 PM   #1
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    Should I send this "closure" letter to my Bipolar boyfriend? It's been 4 weeks.


    You think you can just dump me, give me the silent treatment, then do it again for a second time ON PURPOSE and expect me to be waiting for you with open arms? I wait for nobody. As a rule, if someone dumps me in the worst possible way with no explanation...and really hurts me and breaks my will just never be the same again. In the back of my mind I'll always remember the hurt they intentionally caused, and never forget the hurt they're capable of causing. I'd be quite leery of setting myself up to be hurt (or used or whatever) again.

    The first time you dumped me with the silent treatment you knew it made me suicidal, yet you intentionally did it again. The fact that you didn't even bother to call me back ASAP this time, when I told you I was "suicidal," speaks volumes...

    And here's some relationship advice...if you've been dating someone who's in love with you for several months and then later decide you want to leave for whatever reason, at least show them the respect, decency, and common courtesy to TELL THEM you're a normal human being face-to-face (not e-mail or text) instead of putting them in "silent treatment limbo" where they don't even know if they've been dumped, or what he heck is going on.

    Also, give them a reason why you don't want to talk to them anymore. Anything less makes you a jerk. I treat people the way I would like to be treated and you should do the same. Plus, I doubt you would pay for half my gas, half the movie ticket, half the dinner, etc if we were "just friends."

    Wouldn't it be much nicer to be with someone who *wants* to be with you, who *tries* to be with you, who *respects* you and doesn't jerk you around all the time?

    I'm trying my hardest to move on, after all you dumped me. So when you sort your problems out and make a decision as to if you love me or not, and want to be boyfriend/girlfirend, then by all means call me...and if i'm still available and not in a relationship then we can start up a relationship. But don't think for one moment that if i'm with another person i'm just going to drop them for you, because that's not fair to them...nor me.

    I was going to give you a taste of your own medicine and ignore you, but I'm done playing games. You knew how much your test results meant to me and you intentionally allowed me go through the anxiety of getting tested without knowing your results. That's vicious and unforgivable. We had a deal, and you failed to keep your promise when I needed you most. Then you joke about mailing me the results? Why the f* would I ever trust you again? I can't be friends with someone I don't trust. I want my $25 back. Not-to-mention the fact you never paid me back the $40 I loaned you months ago. It's bad karma, and what goes around comes around.

    I can't be friends with someone not knowing from one-moment-to-the-next if they're going to "disappear." I have boundaries, and you violate them left-and-right. Friendship requires open communication and a willingness to resolve differences. It really p***** me off when you call yourself a "prostitute" and question my love for you as "lust". When you say things like "prostitutes don't kiss on the mouth" and then compare yourself to "xxxx", or make statements like "do you want me to have sex with different people for money to prove I'm a prostitute" do you think that makes me feel? "xxxx" had a lot more class.

    I wouldn't drive an hour out of my way to deliver a "prostitute" a piece of cheesecake, or spend hours on the phone discussing Mott college or your step-mom's emphysema. I don't take prostitutes out to the Grizly Pear, Applebee's, and Red Lobster or drive 60 minutes to cash a prostitutes check. I don't buy prostitutes Christmas presents. I don't spend hours holding hands together with a prostitute. I don't cuddle with a prostitute.

    I wouldn't drive 2 hours roundtrip to give you $150 cash with "no-strings-attached" while you were in foster care if you were a "prostitute." I would never let a prostitute drive my car. I obviously only do those things with my significant other.

    You really hurt me with the cruel, mean, and vicious things you said when you ambushed me for the second time since Great Lakes Crossing. If you "love and care about me" like you said... then you think would go out of your way to make me happy, and protect me from being hurt. You would never throw me away or give me the silent treatment, and you would never lead me on for five months after I told you i was "in love" with you. I mean honestly, would you be friends with someone who said this to your face... in a five minute tirade:

    1. "You bought my friendship."

    (how dare you say that to me. you're an unappreciative loser...with a false sense of entitlement)

    2. "I'm glad we're not boyfriend/girlfriend."

    (you're a vicious, mean, malicious, cruel person to say that to my face because i wouldnt have unprotected sex)

    3. "I'd rather have a business relationship instead of your friendship."

    (now you have ironic)

    4. "I don't want you to move to flint, or follow me out-of-state."

    (when i considered you my soul mate)

    5. "I'm not your baby" (after I've been calling you my baby for months, & considered you one of my best friends)

    6. "You're unstable for a relationship." (when you've had 12 relationships-of-the-month)

    7. "You keep your eyes open when we kiss."

    (the irony is you would have to keep YOUR eyes open to know that)

    8. "I'll return your Christmas presents if you want me to." (why would you ever say that? that's not normal)

    9. "I could care less about your birthday." (or valentines day apparently... plus you said you were going to give me all the sex i wanted on my birthday. how was i suppose to know your friendship wasn't sincere?)

    10. "I'm going to f* as many people as I can "raw" if you date other people."

    (how did that work out for you?)

    11. "I'm not going to apologize, because I meant every single word."

    (then we're no longer friends)

    12. "You're the only one I'm chasing away."

    (right....and those other 12 "relationships")

    13. "You have to pay me $50 per hour in order to hang out."

    (What the heck?? then never call or contact me again...and delete me)

    14. "I'll even find someone else for you to date."

    (sounds like you could care less if you lose me, after I treated you like gold)

    16. "You should gain 30 pounds." (after i lost 50lbs)

    17. "I don't need to impress you anymore since you're in love with me."

    (you SOLD me your friendship)

    With friends like you, who needs enemies? Plus, I don't think it's a coincidence you said all that stuff to me just days after you started talking to "xxx" again. I had no idea you were capable of intentionally hurting me in such a calculated manner, or could "seamlessly" turn off your love like a light switch when you use to call me several times a day for months. That is messed up and not normal... This is the second (and last) time that you will ever abuse me with the "silent treatment". It's manipulation.

    I know your bipolar/schizophrenic, manipulative, impulsive, controlling, paranoid, nympho, and have a lot of baggage. But sometimes it's hard-to-tell if you're not just a cold, conceited, immature, insecure, narcissistic, lonely, jealous, selfish, and heartless "drama queen" with low self esteem.

    I think you have Borderline Personality Disorder. If you've had twelve "relationships-of-the-month" then obviously people are "expendable" to you. I'm relationship material.

    Instead of apologizing for blocking me twice on myspace, with no explanation, you lie to my face and randomly bring up stuff (months later) out of nowhere to intentionally try to hurt me:

    1st excuse -- "xxx" had a "key-stroke logger" on his computer, stole your password, and blocked me... and you had no clue i was deleted.

    2nd excuse -- i was constantly "calling you" while you were in foster care...even though you didn't have your phone in foster care at the time you blocked me in august! You were the one calling me five times a day for over a month and I didn't block you... or say YOU were "too clingy." That's total b.s and im p***ed

    3rd excuse -- i was sending you too many messages and was "obsessed." You were the one sending ME "i miss you" messages in big capital letters from foster care... then one week later, like a cowardly jerk, you block me with no explanation via a cryptic one-sentence myspace message.

    4th excuse -- you claim "xxx" was going to "call the cops" for stalking you because i visited you ONE TIME at mcdonalds after you posted a PUBLIC bulletin telling ALL your friends to visit you. Why would anyone mind if i visit you at work, or even know i sent you a voicemail/email in the first place? You gave out the exact location of where you worked. Hello!! You should have been thrilled to see me. There's a big difference between "sharing everything" and being owned.

    So which excuse is it?

    You manipulated me into letting you drive my moms brand new $30,000 SUV, and then tried to mess up her automatic transmission by intentionally shifting from drive-to-park. What the heck is wrong with you? You already caused $1200 damage to my grand prix. I will never let you drive my car again.

    Sometimes I wonder if you're just mad because I turned you down earlier when you asked me to be your "exclusive, romantic partner with all the sex that I want... whenever I want it", or because I didn't let you have unprotected sex with me at the hotel. A friend would never say during the middle of being treated to a steak dinner "why would I be your significant other while I can get all the benefits of being your significant other and date other people at the same time."

    The icing-on-the-cake was when you tried to pull that "one-track mind" stuff again. That's priceless. Obviously when people are together for the first few months they naturally want to have lots of sex with each other. They can't keep their hands off one another, yet you tried to make me feel guilty as if I should just spoil you and not expect sex.

    You said you "had feelings for me", were "attracted to me" and "loved older" I'm sure you wouldn't tell a super model they had a "one-track mind". It's a real turn-off.

    I can do a zillion things "right" but the moment I do one thing "wrong" you give me the silent treatment. It's obvious that you use sex & affection as a bargaining tool whenever you don't get your way. That's emotional blackmail. I think you're a violent & angry person. How do you think I felt when I told you to your face (in tears) that you were hurting me, and you responded "you'll get over it"? Even people who cry in the street are asked "Are you ok?" if they stand still for long enough.

    I know you were coming off Xanax, but thanks for throwing that bottle of Kahlua Raspberry against the wall and not on my head! Oh, and thanks for my Christmas present too...i never did get one.

    The bottom line is I'm sick of you stringing me along, leading me on, sending me mixed messages, and manipulating my heart. Playing mind-games is not "relationship experience." None of your other "significant others" had to prove themselves first, in order to be in a "relationship". I'm sure if you met a total stranger tomorrow that boy could be "yours" a week later if you wanted them too...without them having to "prove" themself. I'm not stupid.

    I've dated close to 50 people in my lifetime and I certainly know a lot more about relationships than you, or a crystal-meth stripper. Thanks for the insult. Nobody has ever dumped me in the malicious manner you have, or treated me like garbage the way you have. The nicer I was to you, the worst you treated me. Don't mistake my kindness for weakness. I done being your doormat.

    All my relationships are "win-win" situations. Do you have any idea how many people would love to have an awesome, loving, and romantic person like me? I've been more of a "significant other" to you than anyone you've ever dated, but you like to play your little "semantic games" in order to string me along.

    I'm not a millionaire. It was a real sacrifice for me to show you my love by spoiling you at American Eagle, Hollister, Hot Topic, Sally's, Borders, Home Depot, etc. Instead of saying "thank you," you have the audacity to say to my face that I "bought your friendship?" As far as I'm concerned we're no longer friends. You deserve crystal-meth strippers because I'm too good for your unappreciative *** .

    I feel like i'm always "walking on egg shells" to avoid triggering one of your passive-aggressive episodes. I'm really frustrated with your unpredictable roller coaster ride. You say stuff like you "have a life" if somehow i don't have a life? And you'll say stuff like "if we were a couple, you would still let me have sex with other people because you're SO into me." What the heck???? I have dignity. I would never accept that arrangement. You need to seriously reevaluate your priorities.

    I wanted to watch the "Benjamin Button" movie with you, but you're constantly hiding me from your friends and family. That's unhealthy. Why would you tell me you "saw xxxx every single day in foster care" unless you wanted to make me jealous, or that you let xxxx "borrow your $250 Coach jeans" when you wouldn't even let me borrow your white hoodie? I'm sick of it. You put xxxx in your "Top 2" on myspace, but consider me trash?

    You think I won't mind being "second place" or that you can just "try your luck again" with me when it doesn't work out with xxxx (big surprise) or other people? You were getting into the same arguments years ago on how you always "knew more about relationships" than everyone else. You even tried to manipulate others not to speak to certain people.

    When you intentionally ignore my texts, voicemails, and e-mails like I never existed it hurts. ‏I would never ever ever EVER hurt anyone that cared about me like that, but that's exactly how YOU treated me without giving it a second thought. Obviously my love and friendship mean absolutely nothing to you. You took it for granted.

    I feel like you're more interested in getting sadistic pleasure from your "power trip" of seeing me grovel from your "punishment" than actually trying to resolve whatever the **** it is that's upsetting you in the first place. I still have no idea what triggered you to give me the silent treatment AGAIN, especially after I've worked so hard to be your best friend. I feel like I'm no longer a person to you. I'm a "thing" for you to use and abuse whenever you feel like it.

    People will always make a way, and will always find the time, if they want to be with someone. I could never spend so much time away from the person I cared about. All that time wasted where we could have bonded is now lost forever. People who act like they don't give a **** generally really don't give a ****...and actions speak louder than words.

    I can't even drop off my mom at the airport without giving her a big hug and missing her, yet you feel it's perfectly acceptable to vanish out of my life with no explanation like i'm "chopped liver." If you've done it twice, you'll do it again. I don't need or want "friends" like that in my life. I'm happy without it.

    I made you first place in my life and you threw me away, without even caring what would happen to me. If you ever want to be a part of my life again, you're going to have to prove to me that I can trust you.

    "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."

    Good Bye.


    p.s.- do you think i would write an email like this over a "prostitute?"

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    Old 02-21-2009, 08:37 PM   #2
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    Re: Should I send this "closure" letter to my Bipolar boyfriend? It's been 4 weeks.

    Whoa... Sure send it as it will help you feel better. Then get on with your life and never look back..

    Old 02-23-2009, 06:08 PM   #3
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    Re: Should I send this "closure" letter to my Bipolar boyfriend? It's been 4 weeks.

    ooh hun, i feel your anger and pain, and writing a letter like this is a great way to vent and work through it all. I dont believe sending it will bring you closure in fact it could cause more problems for you if you do . The best way to move on is to do just that, no more contact full stop. I know how hard that can be, but the last thing you want to do is let a man know you are feeling so mad and upset, the best revenge is to show him you have moved on, and that you dont need him in your life.
    good luck with what ever you chose to do, I hope the next man treats you so much better

    Last edited by noams; 02-23-2009 at 06:09 PM.

    Old 02-23-2009, 06:13 PM   #4
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    Re: Should I send this "closure" letter to my Bipolar boyfriend? It's been 4 weeks.

    Hey Bigshooter,
    You are angry and justifiably so and writing out your letter is a good way to vent those frustrations. But do not send the letter, these things have a way of coming back to bite us. Just becouse he has treated you badley, it really wont make you feel any better to send this letter. You know the truth as to what happened and that is what matters. Be the bigger person, dont send the letter, your words will be twisted against you and that will amke things even worse.
    Keep your letter for a while but then get rid of it, cleanse yourself and move on

    Old 02-23-2009, 08:46 PM   #5
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    Re: Should I send this "closure" letter to my Bipolar boyfriend? It's been 4 weeks.

    I don't think you should send it. No. It is making you very vulnerable, and it will only spread more anger from him.

    Take a few months to get another perspective on it, and try to professional help dealing with this.

    If it's been a month, I also think he wouldn't read it at all when he saw what it contained.

    I know it's hard, but you need comfort, not more anger.


    Old 02-24-2009, 01:47 AM   #6
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    Re: Should I send this "closure" letter to my Bipolar boyfriend? It's been 4 weeks.

    Oooh Girl... aint no man gonna read.. ALL THAT anyway...

    ...and, why you put up with so much crap, again and again.. and youre still trynna send him stuff... ??? really?

    Have a ceremony.. burn that letter.. then move on with yourself..

    Old 02-24-2009, 02:24 AM   #7
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    Re: Should I send this "closure" letter to my Bipolar boyfriend? It's been 4 weeks.

    Nothing in this letter is going to affect the ex. In your future, you will remember and cringe at what you have said, and that will feel worse than the fact that you got dumped. Writing it was excellent FOR YOU, now read it and put it away. In six months, read it again and I swear you will be SO relieved that you didn't send it. Trust me on this. Sera.

    Old 05-18-2009, 07:34 PM   #8
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    Re: Should I send this "closure" letter to my Bipolar boyfriend? It's been 4 weeks.

    Not sure if you had ever sent this but I just wanted you to know that I was in a similar situation very recently. He just phased himself out of our relationship quickly. It's like he did a complete 180 on me.

    Yes, I recently sent him my "closure" letter. But this was after I calmed down. I took days to really look at what I wrote and I edited and re-edited over and over again. As I read it more and more, I took out all the "angry" stuff and basically said told him that I had a great time with him and that whatever happened, it was not his fault nor mine.

    You have to understand that what your boyfriend did is not his fault - or yours. It's something much "bigger" and even though feel very left out, it's his bipolar that's pushing you away and not him. Sure, a lot of people say that love conquers all but we are not living in some movie or TV show. As I gather more and more information about this condition, it's become apparent to me that for some, this condition is extremely strong and for you to send that kind of letter to him will absolutely **** him off. Even for someone without the disorder, it would **** them off.

    I echo what the other people said on here. Just leave it alone. Let the dust settle and re-read it. If you truly do need "closure" and want to send him a letter, please realize that it's no one's fault and that you are not angry. Let him go through this without more stress and/or guilt. Please.

    Old 05-18-2009, 09:23 PM   #9
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    Re: Should I send this "closure" letter to my Bipolar boyfriend? It's been 4 weeks.

    Wow, I didn't even have the attention span to read that all, and I don't get the whole prostitution thing. But this guy sounds like bad news, I wouldn't waste your energy over it, you'll move on and the hurt will fade away, trust me. It's not worth it...
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    Old 05-19-2009, 04:05 PM   #10
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    Re: Should I send this "closure" letter to my Bipolar boyfriend? It's been 4 weeks.

    Doesn't sound like he deserves any closure nor would it mean anything to him.

    Old 05-19-2009, 05:54 PM   #11
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    Re: Should I send this "closure" letter to my Bipolar boyfriend? It's been 4 weeks.

    Originally Posted by BipolarPrincess View Post
    Wow, I didn't even have the attention span to read that all, and I don't get the whole prostitution thing. But this guy sounds like bad news, I wouldn't waste your energy over it, you'll move on and the hurt will fade away, trust me. It's not worth it...
    I second that.
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