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  • I am wondering how many other families find themselves in the same dilema

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    Old 03-25-2009, 10:22 AM   #1
    motherinneed
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    Question I am wondering how many other families find themselves in the same dilema

    Hi.
    I'm new to this site, but i am a mother with a son who has negative schizophrenia, he has been in hospital since 18 yrs of age is now 25 and is living in a supported accomodation for people with mental health problems as he is not ready yet and not sure if he will ever be able to have a flat of his own,the problem is he doesnt accept he has schizophrenia and resists all attempts to support him, the accomodation he lives in has mainly older men living there, and he is not happy here, as he see these other people are all worse than him and have more obvious signs of mental health problems, but where does he go, he is not ill enough to be in hospital and not well enough to live on his own, i wish there was a place where people like him could all share together in a more suitable enviroment with support, is there anyone else who finds themselves in this predicament with a member of their family,i am quite sure i'm not the only person who finds themselves in a situation like this , if there is i would like to hear from you.
    Thanks

    Last edited by motherinneed; 03-25-2009 at 10:24 AM.

     
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    Old 03-26-2009, 11:20 AM   #2
    hathada
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    Re: I am wondering how many other families find themselves in the same dilema

    I'm a 27 year old schizophrenic (got sick at 21) and I used to live in a boarding home like the one you're talking about. The people there were, mainly, worse off than me. They didn't do much at all besides watch TV. That was back in September '08.

    These are good places because they provide food and shelter and reliable help. But if you want to be happy you need to have purpose and a reason to live.

    The first thing is to really get your symptoms under control. As long as you have a voice putting horrible negative thoughts into your head...as long as it's really audible...it's going to be very hard to do anything at all except listen to the voices and continue trying to fight them. But once you really have them under control you can, and you probably will feel, that you want something more.

    I was extremely lucky in my case. I had to be hospitalized because I went off my meds about a year and a half ago. After eight months in hospital a girl showed up and we started getting to know each other. She was discharged but I went on to an even worse hospital because my symptoms weren't improving. She stuck by me though the entire time. After four more months I finally uncovered the way to control my voices and also I got the right kind of meds for me. That was when I entered the boarding home. I knew I could handle a job so I applied and got one at a restaurant. I've been working there six months now. I moved out of the boarding home in Jan and now I'm with my girl friend and I'm stable.

    So anyway. I think I'm just saying that maybe your son has to get a really good handle on his symptoms before he will really have the desire to lead a normal life. I'm someone who's had to overcome voices. If you'd like to ask me anything or share anything with me that I might be able to help with feel free.

    What I really think and know is that without her I'd have no reason to have my job. We support each other and having a friend with you all the time is the best thing of all. I don't even have a belief in purpose. I'm nihilistic in that way. But I go on with things, pay the bills, work, buy and cook food because I want to live and I enjoy it. I know in the end I'll die. I'll lose everything I worked for. But I doubt I'll feel as if my life was meaningless, even though it was. All I'll know is that it was filled with stuff to do. Anyway, blah, blah, blah, blah...Take care,

    cpamendo

     
    Old 03-26-2009, 02:59 PM   #3
    dreams in neon
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    Re: I am wondering how many other families find themselves in the same dilema

    I've been hearing voices since 1991 and am currently taking meds for them.

    I just started a new med since my voices have come back, but my psychiatrist seems confident that it should help address my symptoms.

    I volunteer twice/week and find that this helps give my life purpose and me a feeling of accomplishment.

    I agree with the previous poster that your son will be unable to make any responsible decisions until his symptoms are under control.

    I'm a college student and had alot of problems with my voices (in addition to my bipolar symptoms) last semester. I failed all of my classes, so my social work advisor, psychiatrist and therapist all recommended that I withdraw this semester so that I could get my symptoms under control. I'm glad they made that recommendation because when I start to experience some relief, I will be capable of making smart decisions and doing well in my classes.

    I'm currently maintaining a 3.5 GPA which is down from a 3.7 due to the classes I failed.

    I'm not giving up though. I'm taking things one day at a time and have every reason in the world to believe that I can resume my education.

    In fact, I plan to earn a Master's and a Ph.D.

    If you have any additional questions or would like to learn more about my experiences hearing voices, I would be happy to comment further.

    All the best to you and your son.
    __________________
    Atypical Bipolar I Disorder with Rapid Cycling
    Meds:
    Depakote 1500mg
    Prozac 40mg
    Risperdal 1mg titrating to 6mg/day
    Klonopin .5mg (2x/day)
    Trazodone 100mg or 200mg PRN

    Last edited by dreams in neon; 03-26-2009 at 03:03 PM.

     
    Old 03-27-2009, 05:59 AM   #4
    motherinneed
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    Re: I am wondering how many other families find themselves in the same dilema

    Thankyou so much for your reply and sharng your experience wth me, i think you have a lot to be proud of and am so pleased for you havng someone in your life and having a job, payng bills, shoppng and cooking for yourself in my view is a great achievement maybe other people wouldnt see it but i know in my sons case that these are his biggest obsticles the day to day things, that make you function in life, once again i think you have done brilliantly.
    In my sons case he doesnt hear voices ( i dont think, if he did he would never tell anyone ) he has been diagnosed with negative schizophrenia which meant he isolated himself, wasnt shopping, cooking, socalising, bathing, not responsible for financial situations...... he has improved a lot due to medication, but has absolutely no insight into his illness and doesnt recognise he has any problems, blames everything else for his situation including myself, when he's feeling good he is thankful he was hospitalised then other times he is angry.....meeting a girl would be the answer to his prayers, i think this would give him the reason to live like yourself, company of someone who cares for you and to share life with would make life so different for him, but he is not doing anything or being anywhere that would make ths possible, he was supposed to start college but didnt go ( twice it has been organised for him ) he just says its not what he wants just now and wont give a real reason for not going, its very difficult to know whats gong on in his head, the people from the home who work with him are great very patient and helpful, but even they are finding him hard to understand, he comes accross very confident almost arrogant, but when he has to do anything outside his comfort zone he is lost....financially he is hopeless when he gets his weekly shopppng allowance he buys rubbish, he is not rational about these things if he had a choice about paying rent or bills or sweets or clothes, he would buy the sweets or clothes and not worry about the consequences of his actons. anyway i wont waffle on about him to you , just wanted to let you understand what his issues are , and realise that your achievements are so great that to some people those things are a world away from where they are now, be proud of yourself, and be happy.
    Thanks again
    Motherinneed

    Last edited by motherinneed; 03-27-2009 at 06:03 AM.

     
    Old 03-27-2009, 06:05 AM   #5
    motherinneed
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    Re: I am wondering how many other families find themselves in the same dilema

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by motherinneed View Post
    Thankyou so much for your reply and sharng your experience wth me, i think you have a lot to be proud of and am so pleased for you havng someone in your life and having a job, payng bills, shoppng and cooking for yourself in my view is a great achievement maybe other people wouldnt see it but i know in my sons case that these are his biggest obsticles the day to day things, that make you function in life, once again i think you have done brilliantly.
    In my sons case he doesnt hear voices ( i dont think, if he did he would never tell anyone ) he has been diagnosed with negative schizophrenia which meant he isolated himself, wasnt shopping, cooking, socalising, bathing, not responsible for financial situations...... he has improved a lot due to medication, but has absolutely no insight into his illness and doesnt recognise he has any problems, blames everything else for his situation including myself, when he's feeling good he is thankful he was hospitalised then other times he is angry.....meeting a girl would be the answer to his prayers, i think this would give him the reason to live like yourself, company of someone who cares for you and to share life with would make life so different for him, but he is not doing anything or being anywhere that would make ths possible, he was supposed to start college but didnt go ( twice it has been organised for him ) he just says its not what he wants just now and wont give a real reason for not going, its very difficult to know whats gong on in his head, the people from the home who work with him are great very patient and helpful, but even they are finding him hard to understand, he comes accross very confident almost arrogant, but when he has to do anything outside his comfort zone he is lost....financially he is hopeless when he gets his weekly shopppng allowance he buys rubbish, he is not rational about these things if he had a choice about paying rent or bills or sweets or clothes, he would buy the sweets or clothes and not worry about the consequences of his actons. anyway i wont waffle on about him to you , just wanted to let you understand what his issues are , and realise that your achievements are so great that to some people those things are a world away from where they are now, be proud of yourself, and be happy.
    Thanks again
    Motherinneed

     
    Old 03-27-2009, 06:22 AM   #6
    motherinneed
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    Re: I am wondering how many other families find themselves in the same dilema

    Thankyou for sharing your experience with me , it is wonderful to here how possitive you are and i am quite sure you will achieve your goals with your possitive attitude, i am glad you have the support and good advice to assist you with your illness and i hope your new medication is working for you.
    My son has been diagnosed with negative schizophrenia... which means he isolates himself and doesnt function well in day to day things has had an opportunity to go to college twice but changed his mind on the day each time, he has improved a lot over the time he has been on medication but his social skills are still very much lacking probably due to the many years he isolated himself...he has never admitted to hearing voices, and does not accept that he has schizophrenia at all, so this makes him very depressed because he doesnt understand why his life is the way it is and as he says he just wants a "normal" life, but cant seem to do the things to change it that he needs to do, i appreciate you taking the time to reply to me and it is encouraging to here how much you have achieved, you should be very proud of yourself well done and good luck for the future.
    Thanks agan
    Motherinneed

    Last edited by motherinneed; 03-27-2009 at 06:23 AM.

     
    Old 03-27-2009, 11:31 AM   #7
    hathada
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    Re: I am wondering how many other families find themselves in the same dilema

    Well, thank you for the encouragement. I'm definitely a type 1 schizoid. Always seemed to want to achieve something, worked hard, but without ever knowing why or what for. So I ended up in University and found my self very alone at the stage of 21 when a person is supposed to become very independent. I was still completely wrapped up in the idea of science, and very much unaware of what a person must do to support themselves financially. I got very sick at that time. No voices, just extreme fear and anxiety. This turned into a four year tension headache. I was hospitalized and taken care of during this time. I look back a little unhappily on how the past six years of my life have been almost handed to me in my lap. But I don't mind too much. Anxiety and tension headaches are very common. I just happened to get it really bad and didn't have a support system at the time to help me through the process. So, hey! Why complain that there are compassionate people out there who are going to help out those who "fall through the cracks," so to speak. I'm 27 and I'm ready to live my life right. I wouldn't blame your son for spending his food allowance on rubbish. I still have trouble avoiding McDonald's and Seven-Eleven, even though I know it would be much cheaper to cook something I bought from the grocers. And with the savings I can insure my car or have money in case something goes wrong. I've never done this before. It seems to me, one never really knows how to live until they start doing it and learning from their mistakes. Anyway. I'm talking a lot about my self.

    Oh. What I was going to say. Please don't take this as offensive. It's a personal thing. There's obviously no way for you to pass this to your son, but one of the best things a guy around 25 can do, if he's wanting to meet a girl, is put an end to masturbation, at least for a while. I think we're not much unlike animals and, for males, when we have the drive to reproduce the chances of meeting a girl are higher. I don't think it has anything to do with motivation, confidence or anything on the part of the male. It's just. You know...how do you say it. Its just nature's law of attraction. I've got a theory about it. But you know, couples usually meet by chance. And when you consider that by avoiding this thing (masturbation) more often your chances improve. It's like saving money over time by avoiding needless things. Eventually you'll have a good lump of cash and you can buy something fancy. But listen to me going on and on about that dirty act. Anyway, I didn't do that dirty, dirty bad thing that God doesn't like for about eight months. I resisted for eight straight months.

    And of course it changed my destiny. This is interesting to me. That's why I write it. This little thing about how the small changes we make improve or make worse our lives. If you decided to eat less every day, you'd...anyway. I find it interesting that a very large number of small changes can influence the quality of your life. I also believe that this universe has been expanding and contracting for as long as anyone can remember. It oscillates like this in much the same way every time. And so we get theories of determinism and explanations for those weird and sometimes disturbing feelings that we have lived these exact same lives at least once before. Only I know that it can change a little bit every time.

    I'm very influenced by Buddhism in all of this writing I'm doing. The Hindu theory is that we are bound to this world by karmic forces that stretch back farther than anyone can remember. In the day of the Buddha the goal of religious outsiders was to extinguish this karma and unbind one's self from the pain and suffering of living and dying over and over again in this deterministic universe. So how was one supposed to do such a thing? Was it even possible? Well, there was group of outsiders called the Jains, headed up by a man called Nigattaputta (I believe). He was renowned as "the knot-less one." As one who had untied all his karmic binds to the world. He preached that the effects and momentum of past negative karma was to be extinguished through acts of austerity. And so these men would go around naked, and eat very little, and assume sometimes painful postures for many hours, thinking that this would somehow free them from the
    world. In fact, just to show how strongly he believed in his own theory, the knot-less one ended his life by starving him self to death.

    Well, another man came along searching for the same release from the world and also declared to have found it. Of course this was the Buddha. He rejected the practice of austerities. He showed that it was not expedient in putting out karmic bonds. He preached a life of moderation, exempt from killing, stealing, lying, sexual misconduct and over indulgence in sense pleasures. He found, having left his society, after a long search, once balanced in his faculties and aloof from sense desires, that he could meditate and calm his being down to the point where an exertion of mental concentration would take hold of his own stores of karma and dissolve them completely. With the mind, and moderation, he found a peace comparable to a soft breeze forever blowing through the air.

    I write this because it interests me and I find the diversion good while I wait to see if my car will need a new alternator. For anyone reading I apologize if you are bored by now. Anyway, I have personally felt the effects of using concentration to subdue the ego and give rise to calm. Let me just ask something of anyone who might be reading this. Who would seem to be the wiser of the two? A man who drives his car through heavy traffic without touching the steering wheel blindfolded? Or a man who holds the wheel tightly and keeps an eye out for other drivers?

    Also. Who is the wiser of the two. The man who takes a ride on the bus watching things out the window as he pays no attention to his self? Or the man who keeps a sense of mindfulness about his body, his feet, his legs, his arms, his heart, and his head?

    I believe it's just plain to one's ethic to see the man who is constantly mindful of his body as the wiser of the two.

    Bye for now,

    hathada

    Last edited by hathada; 03-27-2009 at 11:34 AM.

     
    Old 03-27-2009, 12:06 PM   #8
    dreams in neon
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    Re: I am wondering how many other families find themselves in the same dilema

    You're welcome -- and thank you for the compliment. I've always been taught to do the best I can despite my disabilities. (I'm totally deaf and blind as well as bipolar. I also have PTSD.)

    I've been hospitalized 9 times for my voices and bipolar symptoms, so I know what it's like to be confused about where your life is headed. After each hospitalization, I doubted myself and began to wonder if I could ever live a happy life ever again.

    My therapist recommended that I take things one day at a time and set small goals, so this is what I did. I started by spending time with family, then friends, volunteering in my community and eventually returning to school.

    It has been a long, hard road, but like I said in my previous post, I'm not going to give up.
    __________________
    Atypical Bipolar I Disorder with Rapid Cycling
    Meds:
    Depakote 1500mg
    Prozac 40mg
    Risperdal 1mg titrating to 6mg/day
    Klonopin .5mg (2x/day)
    Trazodone 100mg or 200mg PRN

    Last edited by dreams in neon; 03-27-2009 at 12:07 PM.

     
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