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    Old 07-09-2009, 04:57 AM   #1
    hazeyxx
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    my friend is dying from anorexia... help please!

    My friends been suffering from anorexia for years but I didnt find out about it until a year and a half ago. Her livers collapsing now and she still wont do anything. I know its not entirely her fault...its a mental thing but I'm having such a hard time understanding. How can I help her? She has anxiety attacks when she see's people and I've been texting her (but she hasn't been texting back lately) but the texting isn't enough because she's getting worse. I can't lose her...I need some advice, pleasee, I don't want her to go. Shes too young. She went to the priory in england and got up to a healthy-ish weight and she signed herself out. She got to her worst just before she went to hospital and told the doc she'd rather die than eat. I've such mixed emotions and need someone to help, she says I've had such a big impact on her recovery yet shes dying. Where do I go from here?

    Last edited by hazeyxx; 07-12-2009 at 04:46 AM.

     
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    Old 07-09-2009, 07:22 PM   #2
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    Re: dying from anorexia..help pleease

    what about calling an ambulance for her? There are also ways to involuntarily commit people, though I'm not sure how to do it in your neck of the woods.

     
    Old 07-09-2009, 07:47 PM   #3
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    Re: dying from anorexia..help pleease

    I am sorry you are involved with this friend because it is you that is going to suffer in the end. You can't help her no matter what you say or do you can't help her. If you could help she would be back to 'normal' wouldn't you think? but she isn't ...she is killing herself and there isn't anything a doctor, hospital or you or her family can do. Anorexia is all about control issues...it is deep seated and she apparently can't let go and it is much like an alcoholic or anyone that is addicted to something they themselves have to be the one to climb back out of that black hole...only she can do this. She has been given all the tools to be able to help herself but she has decided to check out. You now are left with this very sad outcome...it is the ones that are left behind that will suffer and time for you to not invest too much of yourself into this loosing battle. If you have the need to help people then help those that truly appreciate the help and do volunteer work at a shelter of some sort but limit yourself with this 'friend' or you are going to find yourself in so much pain...and by the way she is not a friend. Good luck.

     
    Old 07-10-2009, 08:26 AM   #4
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    Re: dying from anorexia..help pleease

    when you say her liver is 'collapsing" what exactly does that mean? there are a few things that could also be going on here too, besides just the anorexia. one other thing is depression that it really does also appear,not wanting to see people and not caring about her current situation either. when it becomes severe,you just very easily can feel that way(i myself suffer from severe recurrent depression and i know how that can be). another thing here is how badly her liver is really being impacted. when the liver starts to lose certain functions, there are some big issues that arise. one of them is called encephalopathy from lack of the normal toxins(espescially the ammonia we just have in our bodies)being removed from the system. this can very EASILY affect the cognative/decision making capabilities in anyone who just has this going on. ammonia directly attaches itself to brain cells for some reason and that alone can cause memeory lapses, confusion, and loss of ability to just make the right decisions or any real thought out decisons. it would all depend upon how severe the impact is on her liver right now.

    just how old is she? do her parents want to be involved here or have they given up on her? unfortunetly some parents do. the thing with the liver being involved and the possible brain impairment combined with what appears to be depression,well that alone could be making her feel this way and that could at least give her parents some wiggle room as far as getting her into a hospital where they can at least try and clear things enough to see where she really actually is inside her head,you know what i mean?

    if someone is mentally altered like she could just possibly be right now, that does change possible forms of intervention here. but like ann mentioned, the rest is really up to her only. the key that you need to find here right now is whether or not she IS actually mentally not able to make rational decisions for herself due to illness or altering of mental status by disease. this i would think would be up to her parents possibly. if they can simply speak with her doc about this particular issue. it can possibly at least get her the treatment so she CAN think more clearly. if she knows her liver is being impacted at all, that doc who dxed this would be the one for her parents to possibly talk to. while the doc cannot share her actual info.THEY can at least ask questions of him and bring up what i just mentioned. at that point, it would be up to him and all the medical info he has, to make that possible decision.

    this is just a shot here but it may be happeneing and there is some room for intervention ONLY due to possible affectation of her normal mental status. i hope this works out for her, but no matter what, she has a very long and difficult road ahead. please keep us posted, **
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    Old 07-10-2009, 09:09 AM   #5
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    Re: my friend is dying from anorexia... help please!

    Her mam just told me her liver is on the verge of collapsing & i dont know what that means.
    Shes 19 now! Her da's a different religion and from what her ma has told me, he doesnt believe in mental illness & kind of just puts it to the side. But her ma is so heartbroken & I dont think shes ever going to give up.
    I know some people can call it a 'hopeless case' but I know my friend is strong and determined, I just dont know if shes determined to get better or to make herself worse.
    I'm really sorry to hear about your suffering from depression. Do you have any advice as to how to make thngs even a tiny bit better? Should I keep letting her know Im here for her or should I be straight with her? I'm really worried about telling her just how I feel incase I break the last piece of trust she has with me. But I guess Im going to have to. Could make things worse or make things even a little better! Its just soo hard to get my head around it and the lack of info and support in Ireland is absolutely shocking. Im only 18 and a lot of voluntary works requires you to be 20. Is there really nothing i can do?

     
    Old 07-11-2009, 06:02 AM   #6
    feelbad
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    Re: my friend is dying from anorexia... help please!

    you really are a great friend ya know? despite her fathers lack of believing in mental illness(very strange to say the least)like i mentioned above, depending upon how much that liver is actually being impacted right now, the ammonia CAN create a heck of alot of brain/thinking problems. it just does. that thing alone should be mentioned to both her mom and dad too. if they notice any big changes and alterations in her overall thinking decision making capacity, there IS room here for at least one of her parents to just speak with her doc about options. since her mom appears to be the most caring here i would speak to her and see what she can find out or simply ask her doc how badly her liver is impacted and could that affect her decision making and for her to at least be able to get her admitted into a hosp right now for further evaluation. thats kind of all i can think of as far as getting anywhere with her at this point.

    if she is also suffering from depression, this would just help alot too. it does not matter what her father "thinks" about it, it is actually up to her doc to actually diagnose it and appropriately treat it too. this could help. as far as what you can do for her? don't walk away even tho she may try and push you away right now, thats what depressed people usually do, they don't want to really be bugged or bothered with a whole lot, including family and even best friends at times. all you can do is try and convince her that she IS cared about and has things to live for so she needs to get herself help. knowing that you just really DO have people who love you and are there for you, even when you attempt to push them away, believe me, it really DOES matter.

    but i would just try talking to her and really see if you also notice any possible real changes in her personality or memory lapses when speaking or confusion. this IS a sign that the liver is not filtering the ammonia or other toxins in her blood right now. this is just what will give at least her mom some room to intervene upon her behalf, espescially if depression is also there too. then her mom really needs to speak with her doc about this. she is just wayyy too young to be having to go thru all this and deal with it just like you are.

    i do hope that someone can get the right info here on her overall condition and just hopefully get her placed into a health facility for that eval to see what still can be done. the sooner the better. she just NEEDS to try and save her liver and herself. i would think that her doc, just considering everything would already be trying to get this part done ya know? if he KNOWS her medical history and has any doubts that her thinking is not the norm(because of both mental health and disease processes going on), he does have a duty to try and step in here too.

    i do hope she will help herself here, or somone can legally intervene on her behalf soon. if that liver is actually failing on her she does not have alot of time here. it all depends upon how well it is still functioning. please keep me posted hon, hang in there, **

     
    Old 07-11-2009, 10:21 AM   #7
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    Re: my friend is dying from anorexia... help please!

    her ma has told me shes being hospitalized within 2week...im so delighted! feel awful that its against her will but I understand now she cant think properly. Thanks a mill 4 this...you cant believe how much you've done for me and I appreciate it soooo much. I'll keep u updated and thanks again!
    H xx

     
    Old 07-11-2009, 10:45 AM   #8
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    Re: my friend is dying from anorexia... help please!

    I just saw this and i hope your friend recovers with full speed and completely. I will keep your friend in my prayers and i agree with the other person who says that you are a good friend. there are not many people who are as loyal and caring as a friend as you seem to be and for this, i must tip my hat to you.

    frankly, people like you and the other person who posted help for you make the world a better place.

     
    Old 07-11-2009, 09:54 PM   #9
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    Re: my friend is dying from anorexia... help please!

    Hazey, You are such a sweet and compassionate friend.

    There is a Board on this site, the Eating Disorder Recovery Board and I was thinking you may get some additional support there as well:

    Here is the link:
    http://www.healthboards.com/boards/f...splay.php?f=51

    Also, the UK has a Government website for its' citizens (you're in Ireland no?) called Directgov providing information and online services for the public all in one place.

    They supplied this link for info on anorexia:

    http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/HealthAn...es/DG_10036728

    Hope this helps.

    zuzu xx

    Last edited by zuzu8; 07-11-2009 at 09:56 PM.

     
    Old 07-12-2009, 04:35 AM   #10
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    Re: my friend is dying from anorexia... help please!

    I live in Ireland and theres no info so i'll defo check that out! thank guys x

     
    Old 07-18-2009, 07:48 PM   #11
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    Re: my friend is dying from anorexia... help please!

    Hazeyy - My heart goes out to you and your friend. I have been on both sides of the fence, as the patient, and as a friend of the patient. The best thing you could do at this point is to keep in touch with your friend. Understand that her illness has nothing to do with you. What I found most helpful was when people came to see me. Please go see her, either by yourself, or with her mother. I remember that friends and relatives would ask me if I wanted company and I always said no, I didn't want to put anyone out, but when people knocked at my door I appreciated it. Your friend, and her family, is very lucky to have you in their lives. It takes a special person to stick with someone when they're down and out, when the going gets tough. Trust me, your friend will look back someday and will realize what an incredible friend you are. She can't see it now, but she will. I believe that her mother will find your continued support to be very helpful. At a time like this, the family feels helpless, they want to help the patient, but there's so little they can do.
    Ann - With all due respect,Hazzey is a friend to her friend. Her friend is not by any means trying to pull her down. Have you ever suffered from an eating disorder?
    Please let us know what else we can do for you Hazzey. I'll say a prayer.
    Peggy

    Last edited by Pegala; 07-18-2009 at 08:04 PM. Reason: My thoughts jumped around. I had to put ideas in order.

     
    Old 07-19-2009, 05:39 PM   #12
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    Re: my friend is dying from anorexia... help please!

    Hi Pegala,
    what you said really means a lot 2 me. Sometimes its so hard 2 stick it out with all that goes on in my head & its a relief 2 hear that it cud mak the tiniest diff. I hope your doing well...never understood these eating disorders before my friend but god, theres alot & i dnt understand what people go through but i know its awful.. i really do pray 4 them!
    I dont think now s a great time 2 visit cause shes very sick at the moment & dnt think id get as much of a warm welcome from her as well as her family as i did the first time but i definately have it in the cards! i know she appreciated it when me & another friend went to visit but cant help feeling guilty cause it was a few weeks aftr we went 2 visit that she started 2 slip. Hopefully she gets a place in hosp. and maybe could visit her then. do u know if friends can visit if shes hospitalized? well sure i'll ring and see. Hope so!
    But thanks so, so much. All these comments have been so helpful and i reeeally appreciate the support and help. I dont know what i'd do if i hadnt of become a member here.
    I appreciate where Ann is coming from but I'm unbelieveably happy i'm friends with her and I wouldnt change that =) you guys would LOVE this girl, she means so much 2 me and i love her so much. Just unfortunate that she has an ED. But im trying 2 help as much as i can so fingers crossed.
    Ahhh cant stop crying now...so grateful people are here 2 help and listen so thanks so much.
    H xxx

    Last edited by hazeyxx; 07-19-2009 at 05:42 PM.

     
    Old 07-22-2009, 06:35 AM   #13
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    Re: my friend is dying from anorexia... help please!

    believe me H,you are making more than just a "tiny' impact here on her and her family. people just really DO remember who their true friends were when things were rough. trust me on that one. some people back off because they cannot handle it or its just a 'bother" for them to even get involved. it is people like you who just are there that matter most when we feel scared and alone and like no one really understands where we are at. all you ever have to do if you are ever at a loss for words, is just think about what YOU yourself would want and need if you were in a bad medical situation, ya know? everything you do just does matter to your friend right now. just knowing that she can count on you to be there,tho it may not seem like it at times because of how 'she" is feeling, it does give her a great feeling of being cared about ya know? having anyone care about is always special to us.just keep on being you H.

    have you heard anything new or found out just when she is goin to be admitted to the hospital yet? just wondering how things are going, thats all. please update when you can. hang in there H, **
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    Old 07-22-2009, 03:30 PM   #14
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    Re: my friend is dying from anorexia... help please!

    thanks feelbad =)
    iv no update unfortunately...her ma hasnt talkd 2 me 4 a while! but i know shes lookin at a clinic in sweden called mandometer! ill let ya kno as soon as i do!
    thanks 4 the support xxxxx

     
    Old 08-11-2009, 06:40 PM   #15
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    Re: my friend is dying from anorexia... help please!

    im very confused now! her ma keeps telling us how important our involvement is bu she hasnt text us back or answered our calls in weeks! i know shes having a v. hard time bu i dont know why she would b avoiding us!!! do you think it has anything 2 do with my friend not wanting her ma 2 be involved wit us? =(

     
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