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  • How to survive my husband's depression

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    Old 01-12-2011, 01:10 PM   #1
    leeluu
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    How to survive my husband's depression

    I am new to this site and board. Long story short, my husband is severly depressed. He has been on medication for 3 weeks and started counseling. He has become a different person. We have been married for 19 years, of course with the ups and downs of all married couples. But now, with his depression, he has told me that he doesn't know if when he has himself back that he is going to want to continue the marriage.

    Last week, he went out and got his own apartment saying he needed his solitude and space. But the day came and he decided not to move. He told me he has 3 priorities.........to make sure our 18 year old daughter finishes her senior year as best she can, to get himself straight and then in third is me. Can I live this way? I don't know.......I am doing a lot of soul searching to find that answer. I love him without a doubt but don't like being treated as if I am insignificant.

    Have others of you dealt with this from your spouse? Do they change into different people? I have read all I can about this illness and I still can't seem to find answers. And yes, I have made an appointment for myself to seek help to manuever through these waters. Am I fighting a losing battle if I stick it out to see how he feels later????

    Help needed,
    LeeLuu

     
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    Old 01-13-2011, 10:03 AM   #2
    Breezin
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    Re: How to survive my husband's depression

    I am in a similiar situation with my spouse. She started telling me that she was unhappy in our marriage ( I had also noticed she wasn't happy about anything in her life at the time), and started to become very distant. I knew something more was wrong when she stayed in bed for a week without coming out of our guest room. She was originally diagnosed has having depression but that has since been changed to bipolar. From what I understand, three weeks isn't very long for a medication to start to make any major improvement. I think you need to give your husband a chance to get back to his correct state of mind and then see where your relationship stands. Right now you might not be dealing with someone who is thinking rationally. My wife has been getting better, but it has been almost 4 months since she sought treatment and her doctor is still tweaking her medication to get her where she needs to be . As long as he isn't being abusive or causing any other major harm, I would try to wait it out. Give him space when he needs it and don't allow yourself to become depressed. I hope things get better for you, I know firsthand how difficult dealing and living with a depressed spouse can be.

     
    Old 01-13-2011, 12:44 PM   #3
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    Re: How to survive my husband's depression

    Thanks, Breezin. I did a lot of soul searching and praying last night. I told my husband today that I love him and will stand by him. I don't know where it will end but at least I know that I will be doing all I can. Living this way is not good for anyone, I am seeking help for me also. If nothing else, maybe I can learn how to live with his depression better.

    LeeLuu

     
    Old 01-18-2011, 11:22 AM   #4
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    Re: How to survive my husband's depression

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by leeluu View Post
    Thanks, Breezin. I did a lot of soul searching and praying last night. I told my husband today that I love him and will stand by him. I don't know where it will end but at least I know that I will be doing all I can. Living this way is not good for anyone, I am seeking help for me also. If nothing else, maybe I can learn how to live with his depression better.

    LeeLuu

    I'm glad to hear that you have made a decision to give your marriage a chance. May bluer skies lay ahead for both of us.

     
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    Old 01-21-2011, 07:23 AM   #5
    leeluu
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    Re: How to survive my husband's depression

    Breezin, I agree. Hope there are bluer skies for both of us. At this point, the only thing that is holding me together is my faith in God..........knowing that he doesn't want divorce. I have been blessed with a prayer from Joel Osteen concerning this issue and I would love to send it to you. I am praying this every day, with full meaning.

    Thanks for your replies. Seems you have a great heart and know exactly how I feel. May God Bless You!!!

    Last edited by moderator2; 01-24-2011 at 08:26 AM.

     
    Old 01-21-2011, 08:33 AM   #6
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    Re: How to survive my husband's depression

    I can use all the prayers I can get Leeluu! Thank you for your kind words and may God bless you as well.

    Last edited by moderator2; 01-24-2011 at 08:26 AM.

     
    Old 01-21-2011, 08:39 AM   #7
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    Re: How to survive my husband's depression

    How's this:

    We join our faith with yours as you pray this prayer:
    Dear Lord, You know my heart is broken, that I have a troubled spirit, and a longing for your comfort and the answers I seek during this time of despair. So I thank You for your word assuring me that from the very beginning You created my marriage as a one flesh covenant relationship, saying that what You joined together, no one should separate, and that You hate divorce. And thank You for your promise to heal my broken heart, and bind up my wounds, that You will comfort me as I mourn, and that You will bestow on me a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. Thank You, Lord, that instead of shame or disgrace, I will rejoice in my inheritance, that I will inherit a double portion in my life, and that everlasting joy will be mine, as You restore my marriage, which Satan came to destroy. I thank You that in accordance with your word, I can approach your throne of grace with confidence, and receive mercy and grace to help me in my time of need.

    Thank You for your promise that all things are possible with You Lord Jesus, and that You, and You alone, will give me peace that transcends all understanding. Thank You for the assurance that no wisdom, no insight and no plan can succeed against You. And thank You for having ________’s heart in your hand, and for directing his heart like a watercourse as You please. Thank You for assuring me that he cannot plan or understand his own way, because You are the one who determines and directs his steps.

    Please teach me how to express my faith in love, because your word tells us that unfailing love is what everyone desires. And I ask You, Lord, to work in me to will and act according to your good purpose, to make me the wife You want me to be. I believe You and I am your disciple. I want to understand and live according to your teachings, because then I will know the truth and the truth will set me free. Thank You for your word, because it is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path. You are my refuge and my shield, so I put my hope in your Word.

    Thank You for upholding me and the covenant of my marriage with your righteous right hand. Thank You for making anyone who is incensed against me and the sanctity of my marriage as nothing; that they will be ashamed and disgraced. Thank You that anyone who contends with me or wars with me and comes to destroy or put asunder my marriage, is as nothing, as a nonexistent thing, for You, the Lord my God, hold my right hand, telling me to “Fear not, I will help you.”

    And thank You for the comfort of knowing that even though my husband may have other plans in his heart, from You comes the reply of the tongue, and that the words that come out of your mouth do not return to You empty; that they will accomplish what You desire and what You sent them to accomplish! And thank You for the assurance that You honor and uphold the covenant of our marriage that was made when You witnessed our marriage vows, and that YOU will defend it against the treachery of unfaithfulness, divorce and remarriage. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

     
    Old 03-14-2011, 05:28 PM   #8
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    Re: How to survive my husband's depression

    Leeluu
    My spouse has been struggling with depression for 21 months. My best advice to you is patience, patience, and more patience. It is a struggle. Although recently things have been better for us, initially, my entire family was affected. I have teenagers who also struggled with their father's condition. He had decided life was not worth living and attempted suicide. Fortunately, he was unsuccessful and landed in a hospital where there were people to help him. I can say it was close to 6 months before he was on the "right" meds, and another 3 or 4 months before he was getting back to himself. I was able to vent through friends, and everyone else went to therapy. Life went from "very good" to "very bad". I felt like I had become a single mom overnight. We had been married for over 25 years, and I just did not understand; I don't think I ever will understand. BUT, I am coming to terms with the situation and realize this is the "new" life. The children are adjusting, and I am learning to live with the new life, although I still mourn the marriage I had. So, I guess what I am telling you is that you will need both time and patience to mend. Depression does not develop overnight, and it does not go away overnight either.
    Good Luck,
    Armstead

     
    Old 03-15-2011, 06:26 AM   #9
    leeluu
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    Re: How to survive my husband's depression

    Thanks so much for the reply. Since that posting, things have shifted. He is on the right meds, it appears, and in therapy as am I. BUT, he has decided that our marriage is over. There seems to be no talking or counseling that is going to change his mind right now.

    My faith has gotten me closer to God and I know that he is control of this situation. I believe that if his plan is to reconcile this marriage, it will happen. If not, then God has something better planned for me.

    I am glad to hear that your situation is getting better. I am sure that in time, my will too. May God Bless you and keep you!

     
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