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How to Deal with Older Sister Bully

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Old 07-15-2012, 11:16 AM   #1
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Indiana
Posts: 6
val15 HB User
How to Deal with Older Sister Bully

I'm in my 50s has have been dealing with my older sister who is a bully for many years. She bullies me and our mom for reasons I don't understand. She's not married, has no kids, no friends, and basically has a relationship with our parents and that's about it. We get along from time to time but something always happens and then there's a huge blowup. The most recent incident involved me, my husband and son going away during the heatwave. We were gone overnight and during that time our dog died. My sister is the one who found him. I feel terrible for this but her reaction was essentially that I killed my dog and I should feel terrible. She has a lot of guilt I think, probably because our dad had a serious head injury a few years ago and a few months prior to the accident she had told him that he was ruining her life. That's really when the bullying started. The worst part is that because of our family situation we will be forced to deal with each other forever and I really don't see how I am going to do this. Maybe it would help if I could understand why older sisters bully younger ones. Does anyone have any real insight into this?

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Old 07-22-2012, 12:59 AM   #2
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Portland, OR, USA
Posts: 28
statikkat17 HB User
Re: How to Deal with Older Sister Bully

hi val15,
my sister does similar things, but she has been diagnosed with BPD and other disorders. and she is in the very same situation as your sister.
it may be hard, but bringing up why she tries to make you feel guilty could be productive, talking it out and such. also making clear boundaries, say if she talks to you in a disrespectful or hurtful or threatening way, making it clear that you don't like being treated that way.
but if all else fails or gets worse, sometimes you have to ignore or let those outbursts go because they will stress you out too much.
i hope things will be okay and that you are able to find a solution,
my best wishes,

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