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My Boyfriend Has Bipolar and I Need Advice

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Old 12-18-2012, 05:48 PM   #1
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: New York NY USA
Posts: 3
jamhalpert HB User
Unhappy My Boyfriend Has Bipolar and I Need Advice

My boyfriend, who I live with, has bipolar disorder and I need some advice. He isn't in therapy yet and just started taking meds (abilify and zoloft). He snaps at me all the time for little or no reason. He always doesn't think clearly, his behavior doesn't match the situation most times. We will be talking and he assumes something in his own head then gets angry at me and I'm baffled. I'm assuming this is part of bipolar disorder. He also lies about minor things a lot. Many times after he's mean to me just a little while later he acts as if nothing happened and expects everything to be fine while I am still very hurt by his words and behavior. Does anyone know how long it takes for meds to start working? Also, what should I do once he gets that way? He goes from fine to mean then back to fine in the matter of an hour or so, it's very scary. Am I supposed to sit there and take the abuse? Am I supposed to get up and walk away? Do I just say I'm not taking the abuse today? What do I do? Any tips would be greatly appreciated. Thank-you so much.

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hollins2007 (12-24-2012)
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Old 12-24-2012, 10:53 AM   #2
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Virginia
Posts: 6
hollins2007 HB User
Re: My Boyfriend Has Bipolar and I Need Advice

Although I don't live with my boyfriend, he has bipolar and it hasn't always been easy the last year and a half. Counseling is an important part of managing it so I'd suggest he start that soon. When was he diagnosed? It sounds like it may be recently from what you've said. Medicine can work, but sometimes it's a trial and error thing. It took YEARS for my boyfriend, long before I met him, to find the right combination. When we first met, he was on Citalopram and Seroquel. The Seroquel had too many bad side effects like lethargy and weight gain that he stopped that last year, and now takes Lamictal in addition to the Citalopram. Needless to say, just because he starts on a medication doesn't mean it will be the right one. It can take time to get acclamated to it and even then if it doesn't work, go to the doctor and see about trying something new.

He may not realize he is hurting you. I would tell him that, after the mean part has passed, to explain that what he said earlier hurt you. But remember that most likely it's his bipolar that is being mean, not him. My boyfriend has done things or said things that hurt my feelings, but I've learned that it's not HIM that is doing it, and he's always apologetic afterwards even though it's really not his fault but his mind's.

Being with someone who has bipolar is not for everyone. If you are commited to this relationship, then recognize that this is something that is not going away. If you don't think you can handle this, and be there with him through it, then you need to do what's best for you. But at the same time, I don't think you should abandon him now when he's just starting to figure out how to manage this. It will be a learning process for the both of you.

Hang in there!

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