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  • Heart Broken: Bipolar Relationship

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    Old 02-06-2013, 09:20 PM   #1
    Nicte's Avatar
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    Heart Broken: Bipolar Relationship

    Hi everbody,
    The reason why I'm reading this post today is because I am in need of help. I recently broke up with my boyfriend who suffers from bipolarity and I just feel completely lost and emotionally destroyed.
    We have been dated for a year and a half. I met him at my apartment complex. He moved right above my apartment to go to school. I got to know him because of my roommate and friend who he easily gain her trust and friendship since he is a very outgoing person. I am a very shy person and reserved person; and I have never really had a relationship even thought I'm 25 years old. I come from a very conservative family background and as he tends to say I'm very old school. To the contrary he is very outgoing, deep thinker, very sexual and very much talkative.

    I personally didn't know much about bipolarity until I met him. I was very concerned to date him because I never had a boyfriend and because of my nationality. He seemed to not understand my culture and I had never really hang out much with American people in a deep level. Even though all this, he insisted me to go out with him until I said yes.

    After three weeks of been dating, he got really mad at me because I didn't want to rush on things. He wanted me to be constantly as his apartment but I couldn't do this because I work full time and go to school at the same time. It was a little hard for me to be there always plus I believed that it was healthy to have some space especially since we had been just started dating. This little issue became a huge fight through text and later he asked me to go to his place to talk and calmed down. When I got there he had the lights off and in his bed and he started insulting me because of my nationality, my accent and because I was finishing school at such of old age. Just for the record, I had sustain myself since I'm 14 because my mom couldn't help me with money when i moved to his country so I learned to be very independent but it has take me longer to graduate from school since I have to pay bills and rent by own. Anyways, he told me I was a loser and kept insulting me about my religion, my culture, my color skin. I didn't say anythign that time. I was in shock and I couldn't process everything that I was listening.
    That was our first fight, I really thought that was it after that night but he kept insisting to give him another chance and he apologized to me about everything he said that night. I didn't know at that time but he was going through an manic period and he wasn't taking any medicine at all. I tried to be very understandable and I gave him another chance. I tried to learn more about his disorder and help him some how but things didn't work out that well.
    We kept having problems and suddenly the bomb exploted when I found out he was talking to other girls including some of his exes last year during february. I tried to end the relationship for our own good because I felt used especially after I lost my virginity with him and seen everything he said to those girls about me. During this time, he started bringing girls to his apartment and being very loud whenever he had company. My roommate's room used to be right below his so she could hear everything they were doing at night. He was very loud and it was intentionally because later on he confessed that he did all that on purpose. It was very uncomfortable for me especially because he did this after 4 days of breaking up. This lasted almost 3 weeks, at the end of these weeks he called me wanting to apologize to me.

    I accepted and talked to him. He seemed to be very honest and asked me to forgive him for everything that happened. Some how we end up getting back together and on that time he seem a little bit strange and he was always nervous and looking at time. One day, a girl came to my apartment looking for me. She told me that he was with her and they were having sexual relationship with out protection almost every day and that she had found out there was another girl involved as well. I felt my heart was falling out. I couldn't beleive all this. I was brave enough and I talked to him about it as polite as possible and I told him I didn't want to know anything about him. He begged me and begged me to forgive him. By this time, I had already fell for him. My feelings for him were very strong. Somehow, he always knew how to conviced me to get back together. After a couple of months, I gave him anohter chance. I really thought he was being honest with his intentions. We tried to work out things; even though, he knew how I felt about all those girls and the situation. I tried my best to trusth him and things got better. I really thing they did but he was always criticising me because of my accent and about my people but I tired to take everything as a joke since he loves to joke around everything. We started to spend more time together and we almost lived together in a way. I was always at his place because my new place it's too small and I didn't have much forniture. He didn't like that and asked me to be around him all the time. He said my presence helped whenever he had panic attacks or he had mood shifts. Suddenly, I was taking care of him all the time. I would cook for him, do all his laundry, clean his room even when I had tons of homework or I was tired from work. He did helped me alot too. I don't have a car so he used to give me rides from work to his place.
    Recently, I found out my mom has cancer and she can stop walking if the tumor gets into her spine. Also, I started having problems at work and since I didn't have time to do homework my grades starting to lower down form A to B and even a C. I been felling very depress especially because of my mom. I feel very impotent because I can't do much and she is in another country. My self stem wnet down too. He started making fun of my nose and my ears saying that they were too big. He started to mumble sometimes and calling me gross and bad words like b*** and more stuff. I couldn't contain myself anymore and I broke on tears. I thought he would try to understand and give me support the same way I gave him when he felt bad about himself or about school or not having a job. But he didn't. He acted weird while I was expressing my emotions to him. We got off the car and when to buy some groceries while we were in the chasier I asked him if he had payed for the water and he screamed at me. Everybody looked at me weird and a friend of a girl he was having sex with came to say hi to him and he flirt with her infront of me. I got mad. I got to the car and started crying. He said I was an embarinsing thing and told him to take me to my place and he got mad. We got into a fight. I tried to stop myself and asked him to forgive me since I wasn't being myself lately. It was a long night.
    On the next day, he said he didn't felt the same way about me since that night and he wanted to break up. Later on the same week, he came looking for me and we made up. He said that he wanted to tried again and next morning he changed his mind. He started arguing. I girl texted him at that moment and I asked him who it was and he said it was the same girl he had sex and came to my place. I tried to controled myself and I just couldn't take it anymore and I left his place. He started calling me and texting me and he threatened my life. I got really scared because days before all this. He had been puting his hands on my neck as if he was going to choke me and it was a weird feeling I got from him. After that day, he just texted me that he wanted me in his life but that he wanted me as his girlfriend just as a friend but I needed to be patient if I loved him.

    I honestly I love him alot but I don't know what to expect from him anymore. I'm emotionally confuse and destroyed. I don't want to believe he never felt anythign for me but everytime I think of everythign that happened I question everything. I tried to be a great girlfriend and I really thought he was the one. I asked him to delete my number and not to call me after the text where he threatened me to kill me but now I don't know what to do with everything that is inside myself. I feel used and unappreciated. My self steem is so low right now that I don't know how to help myself. I don't know how to cheer up anymore. I don't want to call my family because I don't want my mom to worry about me especially after what she is going through. The friends I has, they all kinda stoped talking to me because of my boyfriend. They saw several thing that they didn't like and they told me never to bring him to their place so we stopped talking.

    If someone would like to give me some advise, I really appreciate it. Also, sorry for my misspelling and gramar errors.
    Thank You.

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    Old 02-07-2013, 11:59 AM   #2
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    Re: Heart Broken: Bipolar Relationship

    At this point, I really have to say that you need to leave him. I think he has destroyed your self-esteem and everything that is associated with you.... The culture and etc. He was literally abusing you verbally and almost physically (the choking). This is way beyond his bipolar issue. I don't know how bad a person with bipolar disorder will behave, but this is way beyond anything reasonable. Leave him. If he bothers you, call the cops to set up the restriction order and hopefully he will go to other girls and leave you alone.
    You have your hands full - your work, school, your Mom and etc. If you have any problem here, move to another place to get away from him before you are more destroyed or your life becomes endangered by him. The problem is you need to let him go. Don't feel sorry for him and go back to him. Don't do any make-ups and etc.
    He is bad enough. He also has anger issue so it is not your problem.

    Leave him and move on. You are a young girl. Go to any counselor in your school for help. He has gone too far at this point. I know you are used to his help. But any other healthy guy can help you and do better. If you have your own cultural group to go, go back there and find support. Join a group. I know you don't have time but you need positive help from positive and healthy people. If you have to, get a social worker to sort it out for you.
    Please don't hang around with him anymore. He really has a big problem and it is not for you to deal with it.


    Old 02-07-2013, 12:33 PM   #3
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    Re: Heart Broken: Bipolar Relationship

    please stay away from him and close the book on this relationship. you might want to report to the police that he threatened your life, if you still have the text to prove it....I hope you saved it. I was married to a bi-polar man for 10 years, together 15 total. They can be dangerous physically and emotionally. You don't deserve this abuse. That's what it is, it's abuse and manipulation. Don't fall for it.

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    Old 02-08-2013, 07:43 PM   #4
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    Re: Heart Broken: Bipolar Relationship

    Thank you so much for reading my post and replying back. I really really appreciate your advice. Thank you so much. Thank you. God bless you all.

    Old 02-09-2013, 02:06 AM   #5
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    Re: Heart Broken: Bipolar Relationship

    Please have nothing more to do with this man. He is very dangerous to you in many levels. You do not deserve any of the treatment he has given you since the beginning. Bipolar disorder can be very difficult to control, especially if he is not following very strict medical advice, and taking regular medication. While his apologies might seem very real, he cannot control the many shifts in mood that happen to him, and could be violent. He has already put his hands on you, that is too much.

    Cut off all contact with this man, and protect yourself however you can from him. You are worth so much more, and your mother needs you to be strong and clear minded. Do not ever let anyone put you down in words or actions. That is so unacceptable. Mark this day as the last one you spend worrying about this loser, and tomorrow be the first day of the rest of your new life.

    None of this is your fault, it is a learning experience there to teach you what not to do in any other relationships. Cut your losses and hold your head high as you walk away forever. Love should not hurt like this, and always listen to your instincts, they will never let you down.

    Do not let this experience ruin your thoughts about love either. There are many wonderful people in this world who would never treat anyone like this man treated you. I am sure you will feel great once you can get back to the life you are meant to be living, taking care of yourself and your family and your education. Best of luck and success to you.

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