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  • Affair leads to BP diagnosis

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    Old 05-23-2014, 04:14 AM   #1
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    Affair leads to BP diagnosis

    I found out my husband had a three month affair. When I caught him he kept telling me it wasn't him and that it felt like a force pushed him thru the whole thing and how relieved he was when I found his phone. He said it was like he was trapped and had been released. Like he was "observing" the whole thing happen. He felt he was doing nothing wrong at the time and that he was just going thru a motion. When I tried to leave him he started self harming. he did this twenty seven years ago when we were high school sweethearts and broke up for a period. (Had no clue as to why until now we've put a lot of behaviors together over the yrs)

    Brief history: maternal uncle was hospitalized for depression couple of times, other maternal uncle diagnosed manic depressive back in 60's, husband finally got to psychiatrist and has been diagnosed as BP 1 with hallucinations (has visions that are very psychotic). He definitely went thru a full blown manic episode. Rapid weight loss, exercising to extreme, irritable, moody, grandiose thoughts, risky behaviors, spending money

    We think trigger could have been our mentally challenged son graduating from high school along with at the same time hubby started taking Addipex diet pills and pdoc said it could be stimulant induced but too many other factors such as family history for it to be medication mania only.

    I'm posting asking for advice and if anyone has had similar experience with BP. As a spouse how do you get over the betrayal and rebuild trust again. I want to believe all that he is telling me along with pdoc who swears hubby didn't make the decision to do this nor want to do it. That it was the illness in control and not him. Any advice on how to address this destructive disease is so greatly appreciated.

    Last edited by Administrator; 05-23-2014 at 08:26 AM.

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    Old 05-23-2014, 05:22 AM   #2
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    Re: Affair leads to BP diagnosis

    Hi, is your husband on a particular medication protocol for hid Bi Polar? It is very important to find the correct medication so he can be stabilized and often it is trial and error because what works for one patient may not work for another. Should he be absolved of any responsibility for the affair?........I would say yes because once the wheels of mania start rolling there is no stopping it until the next trigger that will take them to the next phase. Unless he is stabilized with his moods, it will be difficult for you as a couple to lead normal lives. However, many with Bi Polar lead normal lives with the right medication. I hope this all works out for you....

    Old 05-23-2014, 07:30 AM   #3
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    Re: Affair leads to BP diagnosis

    Thank you so much for answering. Yes I made him to go dr and that's when we saw a therapist who on very first visit mentioned he detected depression and bipolar. He then got husband an appt with psychiatrist which took about 5 weeks until he could be seen and pdoc agreed yes definitely bipolar and put him on Seroquel and Depakote. He then upped his prescription when we told him on next visits about hallucinations. Pdoc has assured me he wasn't in control but it is so hard to comprehend that. The affair was before diagnosis and before medication. WE KNEW NOTHING ABOUT BIPOLAR BEFOREHAND
    Again thanks in advance for any advice or suggestions you may have

    Last edited by Administrator; 05-23-2014 at 08:27 AM.

    Old 05-23-2014, 08:11 AM   #4
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    Re: Affair leads to BP diagnosis

    Well, first of all, I'm so sorry you're going through this. Regardless of the reasons for your husband's affair, I know it still hurts. So, I definitely would encourage you to think about some marital counseling to work through what happened. It's not easy to restore a marriage after infidelity and the toll it's taking on you is certainly understandable. But, I do believe healing is possible if you're both willing to address this and work through the fall-out. So, if you're not doing it already, definitely think about looking into speaking with a therapist-even on your own, as well as with your husband. They might also have some insight into how your husband's medical condition/medications he's taking may have played into this. Just something to consider. In the meantime, I'm praying for your family!

    Old 10-08-2014, 05:25 AM   #5
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    Re: Affair leads to BP diagnosis

    I know how you feel. My partner of the last 4 years has bounced between myself and another woman the entire time. Each time he leaves I swear ill never take him back but somehow he works his way back in and breaks me down yet each time the trust is harder and harder to get back, if ever really. I've been telling him for years that I felt he was bipolar but it wasn't until earlier this year, after he assaulted us both within 2 months, that he finally went to his doc and was diagnosed. He's on a rather large dose of lithium and seroquil, enough to put someone down for 24 hours yet he barely sleeps 8 and he's bouncing off the walls during the day. Now he's started a manic episode of paranoid delusions and he's gone again. My only saving grace is that he's not gone back to her because she's finally moved on to someone else. The trust I'm afraid, for me personally is never gonna come back and although I love this man I think I need to end this relationship and move on. Trust is a hard thing to get back once it's broken once but when it's broken over and over and over again it's never gonna come back. Good luck hon, I hope you can work things out but take it from a shattered heart, don't allow yourself to get lost in the process.

    Old 10-08-2014, 10:00 AM   #6
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    Re: Affair leads to BP diagnosis

    My thoughts only when it comes to an affair, who ever does it is because they think it is exciting and think they can get away with it. I don't believe that a pill or a lack of a pill can make you do it. If you decide to take the adulterer back it is your decision. It doesn't mater what other people thing it is your decision. If the person says they will never do that again because they love you and won't ever hurt you and you take them back, try to trust them again. It helps your relationship and you but if that person ever does that again then divorce the sucker. If you don't you are the sucker and it will continue to happen. My opinion only.

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