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dodedoo 12-22-2014 02:38 PM

Forgiving Depressed Partner
How does one go about forgiving a depressed partner for what they have done while being depressed? My girlfriend has been depressed for the last 9 months, and refused to talk to anyone. She thought she could figure it out on her own, and our relationship started to deteriorate. There was kind of a downward spiral of events in the last month that led me to ask her for a break. It seems that this break is the kick in the rump that she needed to get help. She told me that she's finally realizing how terrible she has been and how she needs help. She even made a therapy appointment for next week.

All of this is great and it's all that I ever wanted these past 9 months. It's just that, so much has happened. And it's hard to just blame it on the depression. Like, she told me that she wasn't sure if she was attracted to me anymore. And visibly was checking someone else out in front of me recently. She was sooo distant for most of this time, and I just sat by taking care of her.

I want to be able to get over these things and have her get better and our relationship on track. What are some suggestions for moving forward?

I really need help. :confused:

Harri3t 12-22-2014 03:55 PM

Re: Forgiving Depressed Partner
Depression is an illness just like any other. Would you feel the need to forgive your girlfriend if she was sick from something else? I know forgiveness can be a hard hurdle but if there is any time to live your signature byline, this may be it. Maybe you and she might benefit from joint counseling or at least a few sessions as a couple. It may give you both insight into your relationship and allow healing to begin.

I wish you both the best!

Thisby 12-23-2014 12:29 AM

Re: Forgiving Depressed Partner
I think you have to decide how committed you are to her. True, depression is an illness but comparing it to an non-mental illness is an oversimplification. People with mental illnesses can often be abusive, doesn't mean you have to take it and forgive them.

Anyway, I'd say given the lack of commitment she showed you, I'd be careful. It's not like you two are married or have children.

My main warning though comes from the fact that so far, she has only made the therapy appointment. What's more important is that she actually goes, sticks with it, and changes. I would watch what happens next very carefully.

Good luck.

lenvegas 12-23-2014 05:58 AM

Re: Forgiving Depressed Partner
Hi, it's great your girlfriend is seeking help and I have to give you credit for standing by her. For now you should just play it by ear and see if the help she is getting has a benefitial influence on your relationship. However, there is only so long you can tolerate her harshness towards you. You need to remember that she is not your responsibility, you have an obligation to yourself to strive for happiness and if you can not find it with her then you need to move on.

rosequartz 01-19-2015 11:25 AM

Re: Forgiving Depressed Partner
forgiveness is over-rated and usually given to those who don't deserve it.....
If you really want to move on, move on without her.....
mental illness is used too often as an excuse for bad behavior and abuse.....
I don't think forgiving her will change her behavior, it will just let her know she is off the hook and can be abusive again, after all you forgave her once.....

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