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  • adoption for my 6 month old?

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    Old 12-22-2006, 10:14 AM   #16
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    Re: adoption for my 6 month old?

    You could be experiencing post partum depression. You should talk to your doctor about these feelings.

    Also, you might qualify for free childcare through your state (or at least get some help by paying discounted childcare). It's worth looking into.

    I understand how overwelmed you must feel. Babies do take a lot of work, but they will also bring you a lot of joy.

    Does your boyfriend help out with the baby? If this baby is really the best thing that's ever happened to him, then he needs to make sure that he is pulling his load around the house & helping with the baby. He should give time just for yourself (which is really important for all 3 of you) Think of yourself as a bank... if you keeping giving & giving, then you will have nothing left to give. But if you take the time to rest & relax, you will be able to give more to your family.
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    Old 12-26-2006, 09:09 PM   #17
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    Re: adoption for my 6 month old?

    Like Dark Stranger, and a couple of others on this board, my advice is still to consider your baby in light of your feelings right now. If you still feel the way you do toward your baby, you really will be doing the best thing for him by terminating your rights and allowing him to be adopted. There are thousands of people out there who would love to have your baby and would love him with all their hearts, offering him love and security (and I do not necessarily mean the financial kind). If you have thought about it, feel like you really do love him and are able to care for him, good for you. In that case, keep him. If your boyfriend feels that way, then yes, by all means allow him to have custody of the baby. If not though, if neither of your hearts are 100% in it, do the most loving thing and allow your baby to be adopted. And please do not think of adoptive parents as strangers. I am an adoptive parent myself. DH and I are certainly not strangers to our seven year old daughter who came to us at birth as a foster child. We are the only parents she has ever known and she is the light of all of our lives. Please allow your little boy to be the light of someone's life. He deserves no less!

    I too would like to also commend you for being brave enough to share your feelings and to be honest here. Just make the best decision for your child, whatever that may be, and don't look back.


    Old 01-08-2007, 01:58 PM   #18
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    Re: adoption for my 6 month old?

    i am so sorry that you feel this way. it must be so hard and horrible. go to the doctor and seek out support groups for young parents, take some time for yourself, take the baby to grammas or have dad stay home with him for a few hours and go for a walk, or go exercise and get some fresh air, that will help. good luck hon.

    Old 02-05-2007, 07:34 PM   #19
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    Re: adoption for my 6 month old?

    I think you are very honest and brave and aplaud you. I am 30 and my son is almost two. It was really hard the first year. I am a bartender and have manages bars and it was a huge change. I almost wish I did it when I was younger because I had more energy. But it could be ppd or it could be just the way it is. Do what is best for you but don't make any rash decisions before you seek help from a doctor to make sure you are not suffering from ppd. It does get easier. I guess you just get used to it. I love my son but there are many days that I don't want to be a mom. I just want to watch a movie or go out if I feel like it and not deal with him. You life has changed so much right now and you are young. I really liked what someone suggested where you make sure you get alone time. I think it is so important. Pick two nights a week and make them yours. Let the boyfriend know that you need it because you are having these thoughts. It will get easier honey. I feel for you. I really do.

    Old 02-11-2007, 06:16 PM   #20
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    Re: adoption for my 6 month old?

    I feel for you. You obviously are having a bad time. No one prepares you for how much a baby changes your life. It's a huge responsibility and as a parent you have to be very unselfish and that's not always easy, especially when you're tired.

    Maybe you should consider fostering before you go down the adoption track. Adoption is very final and you might change your mind. Perhaps you just need a break. Or, perhaps you should allow your partner, who's very happy about the baby, majority custody - ie he looks after the baby and you have him every second weekend or something. That is an option.

    The fact is that you and your baby both deserve to have a good life. The baby cannot change his circumstances - he depends on you, his primary care giver for unconditional, selfless love. That is a parent's lot - to provide that. If you feel at any stage that you want to harm the baby - then you should put him in to care for a while or give him to your bf and have a couple of days and nights off. Go out with your friends. Go clubbing. Live the life you imagine you are missing out on. Sometimes the grass is greener on the other side... it's easy to miss the things you're not having.

    Six months is a hard age because they are so clingy and needy and they start moving around. It will get easier and in a couple of years (which seems like forever when you're 22 I know) you can put him in child care and go back to work. You could even do it now if you wanted. Lots of people do and it doesn't hurt the kids. It might hurt him less than having him adopted, or you hating being at home with him. Try and find a way that you can enjoy the time you spend with him. If this means spending less time with him - a lot less time - then so be it. I had my first child when I was 24. Not that young, but young enough. Now I wish I'd waited til later because i think I would have been a better mother with more maturity. And part of me thinks, 'wow, wish i'd waited - wish I hadn't got with my partner so young - wish I'd had a bit more 'worldly experience' if you get my drift' but then, as I said, the grass is always greener - and those things might not have been that much fun.

    Take up a hobby. Do some reading. Go to night school. Don't let the baby all-consume you. But try and find some enjoyment in him.

    So sad that you feel like this when so many parents are desperate to conceive :-(

    Old 02-12-2007, 02:07 PM   #21
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    Re: adoption for my 6 month old?

    i had my 1st baby at 18 and i had really bad post natal depression i didnt fall in love with him for about a year now he is 7 and i am quite happy to give him all my time. i felt just how you do now so please see a doctor and see how things work out i managed and was happy in the end and i am sure that your future will be happy too as long as you get some help. i send my love, jayne x

    Old 02-22-2007, 02:43 PM   #22
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    Re: adoption for my 6 month old?

    I have almost this same problem.....I came from a poor country in Europe to US for few years to work because I wanted save some money and then go back to UK or other European country and work there as an Optometrist (that is my occupation). I do not have permission to work in US so I can only do a nanny work. I become pregnant and I did not want to do abortion so I decided to place my baby for adoption. My due date is in 6 weeks....several weeks ago I started falling in love with my little boy and right now I wish I could keep my baby with me .....but I think it would be so selfish and irresponssible in my insecure situation.....I am so scared to place him for adoption because I cannot imagine the pain for rest of my life but from other side I know it is technicaly impossible to provide for my is so difficult to make final decision

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