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my boyfriend.

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Old 04-23-2007, 03:32 PM   #1
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Chicago, IL, USA
Posts: 41
katbarto HB User
my boyfriend.

today he called me "lethargic". we've been arguing over moving in together...we're set to move this weekend, my lease is up and i have to be out by the end of the day saturday. i'm moving to a house in chicago, very nice, with him and his current roomate. and his roomate's girlfriend. three households moving in one day, and i let them take care of getting movers. now things are falling apart, the movers don't want to start until noon, and thats about when any energy i have starts to plummet. i have an entire(large) apartment to clean after they are finished. and we just found out that these movers are doing it "cheap" so we have to find our own truck. i'm stressed already by the notion of starting so late, and now i'm not sure we will even be able to get a truck because its so late.

i know, that was alot of venting. i was voicing my displeasure about the way things are going, and telling him i'm going to call other movers IN CASE we can't find a truck to rent. he started going off on how i'm not dying and i'm not in a wheelchair, and basically he sounded like he was saying "suck it up" and deal with it. but i dread feeling sick because of all the work of moving, let alone having to do alot of the work in the afternoon/evening/night. he said that i suffered from "lethargy".

i just feel like he doesn't get it. i've just hit a brick wall. i don't want to have to explain to people all of the time that i can't go out, or i need rest, or i'm too tired to do laundry, etc, so i try not to talk about it so much. but sometimes i have no other choice but to brings things up in order to protect myself!

i'm just feeling so alone, and ridiculed. and i'm wondering if anyone can ever have a healthy relationship with someone who has a chronic condition.

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Old 04-23-2007, 04:03 PM   #2
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 290
bilij HB User
Re: my boyfriend.

Hello Katbarto, I'm not very good at giving advice and at 76 I've
learned it usually falls on deaf ears, but I just have to say your
move is the least of your problems. Moving in with so many people is
going to be day in day out stress. It seems your boy friend dosen't
understand how devastating the pain and fatigue of fibromyalgia can
be. I've been married to the same man for 57 years and had fibro for
6 of those years and there are times he forgets I'm not as active as
I once was.....and we've had a lifetime together. I hope you have
thought this whole thing through. I wish you the best and my prayers
are with you.

Old 04-23-2007, 05:03 PM   #3
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Chicago, IL, USA
Posts: 41
katbarto HB User
Re: my boyfriend.

thank you for responding. i am lucky that the other "roomies" are very helpful and understanding. i know there will be periods of stress, but my boyfriend travels alot for work, so i'm actually looking forward to not being alone alot. do you have any tips that could help me communicate what fibro is like to my boyfriend? i have been 'fatigue dominant' for almost a year, whereas before it was always sick, and even visibly sick. i just don't think he gets this fatigue thing. i've been looking for some sort of article that articulates it well, to give to him, but i haven't found anything. i feel at a loss to communicate to him what i feel like.

Old 04-24-2007, 01:39 PM   #4
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: south central nebraska
Posts: 15
saphirz HB User
Re: my boyfriend.

Hi, I have been a new relationship for 5 years now, In going into living togeather, He knew I had pain issues. He is as understand as he can be not being able to see the pain im in at any given time. At the beginning of or living togeather we had my daughters living with us and a few friends I proved a home for for short periods of time. A very busy house all the time.

I was going thru alot of change and coming out of a very stressful period of my life so I had lots of pain of all kinds. I didnt have my IBS under control with the pain yet and it wouldnt be for an other year for that. I now know I had arthritus in my spine and was trying to make since of all the other pains I was having, and the extreem headaches I had every day. I did have quite a bit more energy the first year or so of the relationship but it stated declining.

All thru everthing and I wont go into alot of it he was very patent and understanding. But there are times even now he thinks I can do more than what I can do and he gets very frustrated. And yes its like he wants me to suck itup and work threw it. He tells me Im stronger than I think I am and he doesnt much let me throw my self in the dumps about my self.

Its very hard for anyone no matter how close you are to them to understand the pain you are having or your energy lvl, You may look like the picture of health to them. By keeping quiet doesnt help, you need to remind people around you, that you do have limitations or you will hurt or a few days or week after. I know its very hard not being able to do the things you used to do, I have that all the time or I can only do it for short periods of time with out wiping my self out, I love to garden but weeding and all that wipes me out if I do it to long and bending over I cant do at all.

It may be hard for him to understand the kind of pain your in, you need to give examples to him what causes what and try to explain the best you can what it feels like. Be sure hes in a reseptive mood to listen to you tho. You dont want to be taking to a blank wall.

Moving in with other people can be good you wont have to do all the work that way in the house. Be sure they understand what your limitations are to so they dont get mad at you if you seem to get your chores done slower.
Communication is the best thing, but becareful not to be whiny in your communications.

Old 04-24-2007, 02:22 PM   #5
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 49
kimberly41 HB User
Re: my boyfriend.

I know what it's like to have daily pain and to be living at only 85%, I can't tell you how to get himm to understand how you feel, but I will say a prayer for you that God will help you and ease your pain.

Old 04-24-2007, 05:37 PM   #6
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Chicago, IL, USA
Posts: 41
katbarto HB User
Re: my boyfriend.

thanks for the support. i guess i'm just feeling scared because we're moving in together, and i'm only one year into my diagnosis. i certainly don't have this whole fibro thing figured out, and i really need his support right now.

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