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Did I cause my own illness?

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Old 01-24-2010, 10:43 PM   #1
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Evansville, IN
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lily250 HB User
Did I cause my own illness?

I am 39 years old and started taking Tylenol PM 20 years ago. I am sure I started out with normal amounts but now I am up to 14 at night and usually don't even get sleep with that many. I look back and know that I have been sickly for as long as I can ever remember. I got addicted to prescription pain meds and ambien but can't tell you when where why or how. I feel I have been suffering the effects of pill abuse for many years but now feel like it has it me like a brick wall. I have been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia which I don't even understand and don't feel like anyone else does either. Depression, leg pain, fatigue, severe muscle pain and on and on and on...I hurt so bad all the time that I would do anything and everything to escape that pain for even 15 min. I would have teeth pulled just so I could have the 15 min sedation I was given.
I have started having seizures but didn't realize that was what they were. I called them episodes because I was taking such high amounts of Pain meds, Ambien etc. I have always had a bent over posture because my back was so much pain and I couldn't stand up straight because I hurt so bad. My abdomen would protrude because of the way I stood. Well in the last year everyone started asking me "when is your baby due". I wasn't pregnant. I was so humiliated that I would tell them a fake date. I started having severe abdomen pain and my urine was a dark reddish brown and so I went to emergency room and they found a cyst the size of a grapefruit on my ovaries. At this time you must remember I was heavily abusing drugs. Tylenol PM 14 a night and a cocktail of Vicodin, Loratabs, Klonopin, Xanax, Percocets, Ambien, and on and on and on....I had free reign or the drugs because I worked in a pharmacy and began stealing bottles and bottles. That lasted for a year until I was so far gone that I couldn't do my job and was terminated. I was in so much pain and just wanted to sleep that I lowered myself to a thief of drugs. So all of those drugs stopped when my supply was cut off. I stayed with Tylenol PMs and through the last few years Dr. shopped for Ambien and loratabs.
Back to the emergency room visit....I laid in the hospital for 3 days waiting for me to decide having a hysterectomy. By that time 3 days had passed my blood was toxic and telling them that Abe Lincoln was the president and it was 1928. My family had to make the surgery decision for me. I had a full hysterectomy and a spider web of scar tissue woven through my organs from my C-Section 20 years ago. Three weeks I stayed in the hospital. Now I just have more pills to take. I currently have Ambien 10mg 2 at night which I take 60 usually in 4 days. I have Xanax 1mg 3 times a day and those are all gone in a week. I take Gabapentin for the seizures I was having, Lexapro for depression, a high blood pressure, a female hormone pill and all those Tylenol PM. I have started buying Soma and Tramadol off of a girl. I seeked out a Rheumatologist cause I had lupus. Negative for that but he did say Fibromyalgia and I also have severe Vitamin D deficiency of 8 where it should be 40-60. I know there is something wrong with me because I know my body. I hurt...I don't sleep...I lay in bed the whole day and go to work and go to bed. Never anything else. I have burning sensation all over my body...I have jerks and twitches, stomach cramps, diarrhea, fatigue, listlessness, depression, irrability, paranoia, muscle spasms, headaches, hair thinning and loss, seizures, some OCD, problems breathing, major confusion and memory loss, back and neck pain, severe tooth decay, hyper sensitivity to smells and noises, touches, all the senses are hyper. Food doesn't taste the same, and now my vision is getting worse. Things have been blurry for a long long time but seems to have gotten worse and there appears to be a fog everywhere I go. I have imbalance, I will stare for long periods of time until someone tells me to "snap out of it". On occasion my speech is slurred and I will want to remember something and lose that memory and always seem lost. I have to be told time and time again on things like the directions to get to work..I can't remember. It like I don't have a short term memory or I can't recall a memory that I wanted to store in long term memory bank. I have crazy food cravings, weight gain, and never feeling hungry but will eat anyway. And the list goes on and on and on with symptoms. I feel like I am at war with my body. Also on a side note I have Rh negative blood.
Can anybody please please please give me something that I can grasp on to that might save me because I feel like all of this is coming to huge eventful climax in the next couple of years. I don't want to die but I feel like I am going to. The pain and illnesses in my body and the extreme addiction of pills especially the Tylenol PM excess are all consuming my every minute.
I need guidance, ideas, something...anything...sorry the post is so long.

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Old 01-25-2010, 02:28 AM   #2
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 14
Re: Did I cause my own illness?

I feel for you, I really do......but I have to say that you dont seem to be helping yourself very well at all.
First thing you should do is find yourself a remarkable doctor who will take you seriously and you have to be honest with him so that he can help you get on track.

I notice that you work and wonder if your Fibro is that bad to take all those drugs or wonder if you have a seriously addiction.

I susspect that you have drug addiction mainly and Fibro secondly. It seems that you are struggling with self worth and depression that no drugs you take will help you with.
You really do need to see a doctor who can help you get back on track and find you a good programme to follow.

Have you no hobbies or interests that can help you take your mind off things?

Old 01-25-2010, 06:47 AM   #3
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Jenetti HB User
Re: Did I cause my own illness?

Im so sorry youre going thru so much. I agree with Ruby, First of all, find yourself a good doctor and make sure you tell him everything, and i mean everything. You cant keep anything from him/her. That is your first and major priority right now. You need a doctor to start sorting out the physical ailments, and be able to find out what is physical and what is due to being addicted to drugs hon. Only a doctor can do that. Please, call and make an appt.

Old 01-25-2010, 07:38 AM   #4
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jerdan HB User
Re: Did I cause my own illness?

Coming on these boards and disclosing your information is the first step in opening up and coming to terms with your addiction and for that I congradulate you.
Does your family know of your addiction?
My advise to you is to start fixing things on a PRIORITY type basis. The first being the addiction to pain meds.
A medicaly safe detox and rehab for the drug abuse.
Their, they can run other tests for other ilnesses and get you on a controlled regime.
It sounds like some of your underlying issues might be hormonal and/or sleep deprivation, possibly exasberated by the addiction.
There are state programs for rehab if money is an issue.
Don't let this misery go on another day, take your life by the horns and get the help you need.

My 2 cents.

Old 01-25-2010, 12:50 PM   #5
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TiredMother HB User
Re: Did I cause my own illness?

I agree with what everyone else says, but just wanted to add that tylenol extremely hard on the liver in toxic doses - which 14 tylenol pm would be. The "PM" part of the tylenol is diphenhydramine - which is benedryl. Benedryl doesn't contain tylenol. Until you get to the doctor, which please - seriously make an appointment - perhaps it would be in your best interest to eleminate the tylenol since your already getting it (in high doses) by taking the vicodin, percocet and lortab.

Good luck.

Old 01-25-2010, 01:05 PM   #6
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Re: Did I cause my own illness?

Welcome and I feel for you. I can't say that you caused your own illness but you are not helping it right now. Please find a doctor who will help you. You can feel better but it will take time and effort. You may need to go into rehab. Please seek help and follow the advice of the doctor. It may take a while, but you are still young and have a lot to look forward to. We all have similar symptoms but we have found things that work for us so we can have some type of life. I hope you find that.

Best to you,

Last edited by Pammyann; 01-25-2010 at 01:06 PM.

Old 01-26-2010, 08:19 AM   #7
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Re: Did I cause my own illness?

Hi and welcome. I totally agree with TiredMom you really need to cut back on the Tylenol NOW!!! My doctor checks my liver numbers every 6 mos. due to the meds I take and they are all pretty soft in comparison to yours. Find a good doctor and I feel you will have to go into Rehab also. There is no way your body will come off these meds without some kind of medical intervention as well. But you have to really want to do this. No one can help you unless you really want to get off these meds. It will take time but I believe with faith, love and support from both medical doctors,family and friends that care about you it can be done. We are all here for you always , no matter what! Good luck to you and I will pray that things get better for you very soon.
Hang in there,
Cat :0)

Last edited by catkaru; 01-26-2010 at 08:20 AM. Reason: No signature

Old 01-26-2010, 04:39 PM   #8
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untouchableme HB User
Re: Did I cause my own illness?


I can't imagine what you're going through mentally right now and my heart goes out to you. I agree with the others that you need to address your addictions before anything else.

Fibro is a difficult condition to obtain a diagnosis for and I honestly don't think it's possible for you to get an accurate diagnosis of all your physical ailments until your body has detoxed. Drug abuse, especially long term harms your internal organs and can cause all kinds of reactions, some which mimic disease or syndromes.

Please get help, don't wait. Fibro may not be progressive or fatal but addiction is. Reaching out here shows that you want to get well, listen to that part of you, please. Give yourself a chance.
"The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, not to worry about the future, or not to anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly." Buddha

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