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    Old 07-30-2010, 05:38 PM   #1
    Fibrogirl123
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    22 - fibro/painful sex, please help!

    Here is my story...

    Well, I lost my virginity fairly late compared to others that I know. I was 20. Before that, I never was so into the idea of sex or felt that I needed it. I know this may be a taboo topic but if I wanted to pleasure myself, I could and quite successfully (but never by inserting anything (never tried), always through clitoral stimulation.) At 17 though, I caught a bad virus and from that developed a condition called Fibromyalgia (hence the username). It is characterized by widespread pain, it is not deadly nor is it curable which means that I have it for life. Sometimes I wish I had experienced sex before I got diagnosed so that I could compare how I feel. Anyway, the first time I had sex, it was with someone that I was falling in love with. I was in extreme pain and he had to stop before he could fully penetrate me. Looking back now, I realize that there was hardly any foreplay and I was very, very nervous. I am also a very shy person and I am usually shy about showing my body even though most guys have never given me any negative feedback about it. It's just how I feel. I know that first time sex IS usually painful in some way but we tried a few times after that and I still felt pain and tight. Part of me feels like maybe I was so tight because I had been so sexually inexperienced. Also, my boyfriend never really took his time with me or engaged in much foreplay. Everything was always rushed and I was always nervous. Our relationship also began to be very stressful for me. It was maybe the 4th time though, I was very relaxed and got up the courage to get on top, he penetrated me and I did not feel one bit of pain. Shortly after though, I developed a urinary tract infection. Then due to other issues, we broke up. I was heartbroken and completely turned off from sex. I was not with anyone for a year and a half, even though my ex tried many times to come back into my life and sleep with me. Well eventually a week ago, it happened (with him). I still felt pain. Not as bad as when I lost my virginity but it was still there. Again, it was rushed and I was NOT comfortable nor in the mood. Part of me feels like these emotions stem from the past stress and hurt he has caused me emotionally. I don't know. I also developed another urinary tract infection. All of my friends are saying that it's normal to be "tight" (that's what he kept saying I was) after being celibate for a while. But I have never experienced sex without pain. I don't know if it's related to my Fibromyalgia, if it's a mental thing or if I'm simply just not relaxed enough/wet enough from foreplay OR just not having enough/consistent sex in general. For a long time I was also squeamish about using tampons, I tried once a few months ago and after some practice got it in without pain but never used one again. I don't like the idea of fingers inside of me either, I feel like they are dirty or the nails will cut me or something. But the idea of a penis inside of me doesn't scare me because I think of it as soft and something that was made to be there. lol. The idea of sex also does not scare me, I really want to have a normal and enjoyable sex life with someone who cares for me (maybe I am with the wrong person). I get turned on and I feel the urge but I just don't want to feel any pain. It can be discouraging and I start to view myself as a failure. I turn down guys all the time because I do not want to have a bad sexual experience with anyone else. I feel that I waited longer than most to lose my virginity and now this? I started looking online and came across conditions like vaginismus or vulvodynia (which is even more related to fibro) and now I am paranoid. Anyway, I don't know if I am getting too worked up over this or what, it's not like I've had sex hundreds of times or with different people so I can't really compare how it felt. But the idea of pain is still making me worried since I DO deal with it on a daily basis throughout the rest of my body. I also had a gyno exam a year ago and it went fine and I have another scheduled for next week so we'll see how that goes.

    I have literally had sex 7 times in my life... the last time being a year and a half after the other 6 times... but shouldn't it have felt good at some point?

    I am scared and nervous and hating myself right now. Any advice? it would be greatly appreciated.

     
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    Old 07-31-2010, 07:15 AM   #2
    bluelakelady
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    Re: 22 - fibro/painful sex, please help!

    hi girl,
    i am 55 and have had more than my share of partners. you got a rusher and they are lousy in bed. a good lover takes his or her time. i had sex before fibro and after. with the right motivation and stimulation it was a blast. no pain till the next day due to the gymnastics aspect.
    i went 5 year without sex and then had my last partner. it hurt like the first time and it took a few tries. after that it was fun and easy till the partner stopped putting the effort into getting me turned on. then it got painful and so i quit. him and sex.
    it really does depend on the patience and desire to please.
    perhaps one day a man with the right mind set will meet you and show you the magic of sexual connection. till then stick with doing it yourself. it releases energy we do need to let out at times.
    peace,
    bluelakelady

     
    Old 07-31-2010, 07:31 AM   #3
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    Re: 22 - fibro/painful sex, please help!

    Thank you for your advice. I really do feel that a big part of the reason why I didn't enjoy it was because it was so rushed, hopefully *fingers crossed* instead of something more serious. I actually remember coming on here when I was 17 and first diagnosed and I remember seeing a lot of posts from you. It's great to see someone who comes on here regularly and really tries to help out others who are going through the same thing. I am sure you know a lot about fibro. So you don't think it can be related at all? I hadn't been very sexual active all this time so I never had any symptoms related to that. But this is making me worry. I already posted my whole life story on here anyway so what the heck... sometimes when I press down on areas near my pelvic bone, I feel what seems to be tender points. There are spots where there is extreme pain. But these "points" or whatever they are didn't seem to bother me until after having sex. Idk if it was because I stretched muscles there so the fibro started acting up or what. Also, after being given antibiotics for this UTI, I STILL feel a burning feeling and fibro is weird... because sometimes I will get a black & blue, it will go away but this burning/pain feeling will still remain in that spot for a while and like radiate. I'm wondering if this burning sensation is making me think I STILL have a UTI meanwhile it's really the fibro oh God I hate this so much. & sorry for the book... but today it's a beautiful day of about 85 degrees and I should be at the beach, instead I am sitting home in front of the computer worrying. At 22, this makes me feel miles apart from all of my friends and other people my age, I feel like a freak of nature

    Last edited by Fibrogirl123; 07-31-2010 at 07:33 AM.

     
    Old 07-31-2010, 07:53 AM   #4
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    Re: 22 - fibro/painful sex, please help!

    hi,
    have you had a complete pelvic exam since having sex? also were you tested for std's? always a good idea to be sure you got away clean. pun intended.
    since we are on a truth telling spree i will share with you. when i was 14 i lost my virginity to rape. no foreplay there for sure. i was sore for months after and very tender in my pelvic region. some vaginal tissue had been torn during the rape and that was the reason for the pain. we won't discuss the bruises and such on the rest of me. it was long ago and i have found my peace with it.
    when i started having concentual sex i noticed if the guy was a bungling dope and my body was not moist i got torn tissue each time. same pain. a deep bruised feeling.
    now do this old girl a favor if you please. go to the beach for me and for you.
    time has a way of working out our life and our fears. oh, and also ask for a catheter urine collection to be sure the infection is gone. when i was active sexually uti's were a constant problem.
    the sexual experience can be a beautiful concert of sound, touch and sense. i hope one day you will know what i mean. i have had it and once you do you know when you are getting second best.
    peace,
    bluelakelady

     
    Old 07-31-2010, 10:06 AM   #5
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    Re: 22 - fibro/painful sex, please help!

    wow that is a terrible experience & I am sorry that you had to go through it... but I guess you are living proof that people can overcome anything... one of my fav quotes is "Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it." A catheter sounds scary but I will do what I have to do to feel better. Thank you for all of the advice, as it's uncomfortable to talk to my mom about these things, especially sexual stuff. Hopefully things will work out in the end.

    Last edited by Fibrogirl123; 07-31-2010 at 10:06 AM.

     
    Old 07-31-2010, 03:07 PM   #6
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    Re: 22 - fibro/painful sex, please help!

    Sorry to keep adding to my book... but bluelake, I came across another post where you wrote that you have had pain during sex or in the vaginal area which made you choose celibacy... so maybe I really do have an issue here?

     
    Old 08-01-2010, 06:31 AM   #7
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    Re: 22 - fibro/painful sex, please help!

    yes i did say that. i do feel tho that it was the partners lack of patience that caused the pain. i am older now so it takes way more time to get the body hot. celibacy just feels easier. i chose it for emotional reasons, not due to pain, tho it is an aspect of the choice. men exhaust me. the games, the ego, the whole thing. so why go there when i am my age?
    don't decide you have a problem till you know for sure it's you and not the choices you make in choosing a partner for sex. giggle. it is a beautiful experience with a person who knows how to share and give and receive. i have lovely memories.
    peace,
    blue

     
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