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Old 01-21-2009, 03:09 AM   #1
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Unhappy Not Really sure where to put this?

Hi I'm Natalie I'm 21 and I'm not really sure what catagory to put this under so I thought I'll just stick with general health.
Anyways you's are so going to laugh but I'm not laughing I have a controlling Mother and its really getting me down she just keeps getting worse and worse, wanting to know who's text or rang me, trying to pick clothes out for me the list goes on. Recently I split up with my boyfriend and ever since she's been saying it was his fault she was put on anti-depressants (which she keeps taking herself off) she pushes for me to find another boyfriend or go out which I don't want to do, everytime she comes in have you rang or text him today? she even sleeps in the same bed as me "too keep me company" she so suffocating I cannot breath its constant questions and she just keeps pushing and pushing constantly going on about my Ex who I'm trying so hard to move on from. I text him last night because theres still a few things we need to sort out and she again asked who text and because I said my friend she just kept pushing until I told her who it really was then she stormed off and hasn't spoken to me since.
this is so stupid I know but I just don't know what to do.

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Old 01-21-2009, 03:25 AM   #2
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Re: Not Really sure where to put this?

Hard as it is to do, you must take some breathing space. Your mother sounds very needy and dependent, and if you want a life of your own, then you must (gently, but firmly) cut the apron strings. When she hassles you about your ex, just tell her nicely that you are handling it on your own. There is really no way around the fact that you are going to have to upset her from time to time while you are making your own way, but that is really what nature intends us to do - leave the mother bird and the nest. Sera.

Old 01-21-2009, 03:33 AM   #3
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Re: Not Really sure where to put this?

Thanks for the advice I have actually tried the I'm handling it on my own but she just keeps saying "well I'm your mam I need to understand" I'm really starting to dislike her and I feel awful for it

Old 01-21-2009, 10:31 AM   #4
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Re: Not Really sure where to put this?

Tell your Mom that it is between you and your ex-the TWO of you, not the THREE of you. Ask your mother to please back off and give you some privacy as you are now a legal adult and a grown up and would like your own bed back please. Does she not have a husband to sleep with? If so, ask your father to tell her to come back to her right bed.

Can you move out? Perhaps it time to mention to your mom that if she can't back off some you will need to consider finding a place of your own because you can't handle her inquisitiveness....

good luck..

Old 01-21-2009, 07:23 PM   #5
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Re: Not Really sure where to put this?

I'd put a lock on the bedroom door and use it. If that can't be done, I'd tell your mother that there is something very strange with someone who wants to sleep with their adult children.

When my husband died, my (soon to be 21 yr old son at the time) started suffering major panic and anxiety attacks and felt like he was going to die. He'd come and sleep in my room, but while I slept under the covers, he slept on top of them.

He was planning on going out on tour with a music production company and he was having second thoughts about going. I made him go. I drove him to the airport assuring him that if he felt he can't do it, there would always be a ticket home. It was technically his first-time away from home and he was going to be travelling to 49 cities in 51 days by bus.

Well he called me from the road that he was still having attacks but not as frequently. I told him good because when you come back my bedroom is off limits.

Your mother has a problem and you are inabling her to continue within it.
You must distance yourself from her. Both of you should sign up for volunteerism somewhere and then when she makes new friends or is very involved, you simply start to bow out. She needs a hobby and right now that hobby is you and your life.

Take Care and write often

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