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    Old 06-21-2015, 08:47 PM   #1
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    Intrusive Thoughts

    My lifelong best friend died a little over 5 months ago, and I am finding myself dealing with a lot of morbid/intrusive thoughts. I generally feel on edge most of the time, but don't feel particularly sad like I think I should. I just feel kind of numb, really. Mostly, I just go about my day and try not to think about it.

    So often, though, I get stuck on really terrible thoughts that feel like they consume me. She died after surgery and was never brought out from anesthesia before she passed. I spend a lot of time thinking about what it was like for her to go from anesthesia to death. If she knew. She was also cremated and I find myself picturing it sometimes. My beautiful friend being cremated. It's horrible and I don't know why it gets stuck in my head. I want to remember all the wonderful things about her and the amazing times we had, but I am stuck on these awful thoughts for some reason. I can't shake them and it makes me feel terrible, emotionally and just as a person.

    Any advice? Am I crazy?

    Thank you.

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    Old 06-22-2015, 03:40 PM   #2
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    Re: Intrusive Thoughts

    I'm sorry for your loss. I think what you're going through is a normal situation for someone who is grieving. A similar thing happened to me when my dad passed away. We were all with him at the end and I kept having nightmares about that whole thing but I started seeing a counselor, social worker, actually, and it helped alot. I've had to take a more leadership role in my family as a result of my dad's passing and talking to the counselor helped me to work through my thoughts and feelings about everything. I think I must've gone to her for about 2 years after he died and then I was feeling better so I stopped going. It was one of the few things that helped me work through it.

    I still have my bad moments when I get really upset and I'm pretty sure that I'll never get over losing my dad. But those moments don't come as often anymore and I'm able to function again.

    Old 06-22-2015, 03:59 PM   #3
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    Re: Intrusive Thoughts

    Im really sorry you are going through this. I lost my dad 2 months ago, and even though he was in and out of the hospital for the better part of a year, and I was there every step of the way- now that its over, I dream about him. I have those same thoughts in the middle of the day, seeminly for no reason.

    I have had to sit myself down and try to reason through this. I tell myself that its normal to feel this way and Im going to feel this way for a long time. I dont allow myself to get upset or mad at myself- because this is what grief is.

    I suggest you find a support group where you can voice your thoughts to others who are going through what you are. I definately think it will help.

    As for your friend being under anesthesia- think happy thoughts. While she was under, the part of the brain that has consciousness- is blocked. She did not know what was happening, and she felt zero pain. You can be sure of that.

    I wish you well...sending prayers of strength your way.
    RRMS- dx 05

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