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  • my father just died and I can't seem to do anything

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    Old 12-15-2015, 03:59 AM   #1
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    my father just died and I can't seem to do anything

    My dad passed away a few weeks ago the Sunday after Thanksgiving. It was extremely unexpected, my father was the healthiest man I knew and his death has thrown my entire family for a loop. My father and I were friends, almost all the people who approached me after his funeral that was atteneed by upwards of five hundred people reassured me that I was the most like him and favorite child - it seems petty, but my father's blunt honesty always resignated with people.

    I can't sleep. I can't go to class, I'm a senior at college in Chicago at age 22. I can't go to work. I can't look at Christmas trees. I'm haunted by places I took my dad the weekend before he died because he was visiting for thanksgiving.
    I can't stop thinking about how there is not enough money for my family to live off of anymore. I can't stop thinking about how my brother and mother who have severe medical needs do not have anymore insurance coverage. I don't know if my scholarships will cover the rising cost of tuition at my school and they don't even offer counseling services.
    I'm terrified and I'm constantly being set back because my father won't let my mind rest.

    I've always had vivid dreams and nightmares but I can't sleep barely at all anymore. The other night I had a dream I was sitting with him and we were bother reading - I had confronted him, "everybody thinks your dead" and he just stared blankly back at me as if "everybody" else was being ridiculous, he persuaded me to believe he was rightfully alive and ready to face the morning chores on the farm. When I woke up I had to stop myself from calling him and leaving a voicemail -- I was convinced with my whole heart he was just out of town and he'd be back. When my mother answered the phone and I realized why she had picked up instead of him it was like losing him all over again.
    It feels like every minute I realize a new aspect that will be completely different now that he's actually gone forever. He'll never see me graduate college. He'll never walk me down the isle at my wedding. He'll never meet my brothers future kids and they'll never meet their grandfather.

    I can't sleep, my nightmares have fluxed between gore and painful and emotional loss. It's 4:30am and I was supposed to be taking a history final at 9am. My life feels isolated and uncontrollably unrelatable to my friends while living in this city. I can't go home, my mom has been pushing me around and she beat me up pretty bad the night of the funeral after everyone left my parents house. I feel trapped locationally and mentally. I really don't feel like I'm able to grieve with anyone.

    Last edited by ContainsCommas; 12-15-2015 at 04:02 PM.

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    Old 12-15-2015, 09:14 AM   #2
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    Re: my father just died and I can't seem to do anything

    Hi there. I am so sorry for your loss. I too, lost my dad this year. Its been almost 6 months now, but the holidays have me thinking about him and crying more than I had for the past 8 weeks...

    Time. Its the only thing that helps you sleep and deal with your emotions. As time goes by, you dont forget, but you dont dwell on it every minute of every day.

    Right now, you ARE grieving. This is what grieving looks like for you. Each of us do it differently...its okay to be feeling this way. Give yourself permission to be hysterical or just upset, or just moody and depressed....but you cant stay like this forever. You need to get some help if thats what it takes.

    EVery hospital has a resource for grief support. And, you DO need it right now. You need to be around other people who understand and who are dealing with what you are. I found a support group through my father's hospice company, but it doesnt sound like you had that luxury. Youll have to find support on your own, but do it, has made a world of difference.

    You need to talk to your family about your concerns about finances. They probably do have a plan, but havent shared it with you. Your dad may have had a insurance policy, he may have had accounts set up for emergencies or for your schooling, you cant know until you sit down with your family and talk this through....there are insurances for things like insurance could be found throught the state...there is alot which is possible, but you wont know until you are ready to have a really adult converstation.

    Reach out to your family and let them know that you arent dealing well and that you need some family time...pick the brother or whoever you are most comfortable with and spill.....its part of the healing process and it will help you know what is going on around you.

    This is horrible. I get it. You feel so alone right now...but you arent. Everyone who loved your dad is dealing with their own emotions...reach out to them, and look for someone professional to talk to. Seriously, the hospitals will help you find a group..or you can research it on your own...but look for grief support. It will make a difference.

    Im sorry you are feeling so lost right now. All I can say is that it does get easier with time.

    Hugs to you..
    RRMS- dx 05

    Old 12-15-2015, 01:07 PM   #3
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    Re: my father just died and I can't seem to do anything

    I'm so sorry you are going through this very difficult time especially during the holidays. I do hope you have taken the advise of the person who just wrote to you because you do need emotionally support during this time. Please reach out to a grief counselor at your nearby hospital or church. I do hope things will comfort you as you remember all the good times you had with your dad. You could talk to a counselor at your school and let them know what happened and that if it were possible could you delay some of your tests for a couple of months. I lost my husband last January and I miss him too but each of us will face our loved ones death, sickness and eventually our own. I do pray that you will find peace.

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    death, dreams, father, grief, insomnia

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