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  • Dad died unexpectedly

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    Old 06-26-2019, 09:10 PM   #1
    MissyDawn's Avatar
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    Dad died unexpectedly

    Hello everyone,

    I'm new here. Just looking for a place to talk about my grief and hopefully try and come to terms with the loss of my dad, who passed away without warning on June 5th.

    I haven't been able to sleep good since he died. I have nightmares consistently, and that isn't usual for me. They are always based on one of three scenarios, tho no one nightmare is ever the same as another.

    Scenario one deals with dreams of my dad and I arguing. In the dream i know he will die soon but I keep arguing with him anyway. And then he dies when we aren't on good terms.

    Scenario two deals with dreams in which my dad is still alive but he suddenly has a heart attack in front of me. I begin CPR but am unable to save him.

    Scenario three are dreams that don't involve my dad. He is already gone in the dreams, I think. At least, he isn't a part of them and he doesn't come up, so I assume he has long since passed. Anyway, these dreams involve my mom. And in those dreams, my mom is always trying to kill me or my brother or her grandkids.

    It's hard enough to function at work right now without not being able to sleep, but add in my nightmares and subsequent insomnia, and I am so, so exhausted and probably robot-like.

    Is it common to have bad dreams after a loved on passes? And if so, how can I stop those sorts of dreams?

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    Old 06-27-2019, 11:54 AM   #2
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    Re: Dad died unexpectedly

    My deepest condolences.

    My belief is that dreams are our subconscious trying to make sense of our thoughts, worries, grief, fears, etc, and they are in symbols and flashes that can be helpful when analysed.
    Grief is a process of thoughts and emotions and confusion.....and you're going through that.

    Do you know why your dad died?
    Do you have unanswered questions, unfinished issues, anger at him, guilt, etc?
    Do you have people you can talk to who can offer support, and have you considered grief counselling?
    Are you able to talk with your mom regarding her grief?

    I have always dreamed fairly vividly, and some are super disturbing afterward...I try to figure out the why of the parts I remember and do some research on the symbolism. Sometimes it's helpful, and other times not so much.

    Allow yourself the time to figure it out. You could ask your doctor for a sleep aid...many I know use melatonin, I use Trazadone 25mg. It isn't like the hypnotics, and I can fall asleep about 30 minutes after taking it, although, if I'm not in bed I can easily override it.

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    Old 12-11-2019, 10:06 PM   #3
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    Re: Dad died unexpectedly

    Your story to me here is actually a bit scarily similar to mine.

    My dad died of a heart attack on July 5th of this year at 39 years old.

    I haven't been able to sleep either. I've also had some weird dreams.

    It started with dreams that he was upset with me for something. Not sure what. Then, I was having dreams where I'd see him in passing, like nothing was wrong. Then I was having dreams that we were hanging out or talking, and then I'd start crying. The one I remember the most clearly, we were talking and I started to break down crying, and I said "I miss you so much," and he said, "I know hon." Just as he would have in real life.

    My step mom, the only mom I've ever had, died four months prior to him. I used to tell my dad that if he died too, I couldn't live, I couldn't continue anymore. He said "You'll be alright." I said "I don't want to lose my dad young like you did. I want you to see me get married and have children." He'd say "Everyone has to die, that day will come, but it won't be soon."

    Well, that day came very soon. Within MONTHS he was gone.

    My best friend, my last parent. I don't believe I'll ever meet another person that I got along with so well.

    I feel numb. I guess I am depressed but that's just kind of hard for me to say, because I don't necessarily *feel* depressed, mostly numb.

    It's funny, because when I first read your post I wondered if this was something I posted and forgot about, it's so similar to my situation and how I feel.

    I'm sorry you have to feel this too but I believe we can move on and thank you for sharing. We'll never forget and they live on with us. They'll always be alive in our hearts.

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    Old 12-12-2019, 09:16 AM   #4
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    Re: Dad died unexpectedly

    I'm so sorry for your loss Missy. My brother died on Oct. 31, 2019 and I've been having some nightmares lately. Grieving is hard. I go from thinking I'm okay to a crying jag so bad I can't breathe sometimes. Gentle hugs!

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