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  • Sister passed away unexpectedly

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    Old 10-12-2019, 02:29 PM   #1
    klynn1960
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    Sister passed away unexpectedly

    Hi
    Just having a hard time dealing with the death of my sister.
    It has been less than two months since she passed away.
    I was away and she passed within six days of going to the hospital.
    I find friends are supportive just after my loss but not as much now.
    I donít think people know what to say.
    I have some guilt and regret I was not there for her and family.

    The doctors were optimistic she would be ok even though she had to go to ICU.
    I miss her so much.

     
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    Old 10-12-2019, 10:36 PM   #2
    yayagirl
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    Re: Sister passed away unexpectedly

    Dear klynn,

    Even the doctors thought she would recover. It is no one's fault, hon, certainly not yours.

    I am so sorry for your loss! Losing her that way had to feel so harsh. It's esp. hard that you didn't get to be there with her or family as she passed. I'm sure that no one blames you and your sister would not want you or anyone else to feel guilty over something you could not know about or help. Even the doctors believed she could recover.

    Your sister would not want you blaming yourself like that over something not your fault, would she? I think people still care about your loss even if they are busy dealing with their own loss and other things in their own lives. Probably they are still grieving her loss themselves.

    Honor your sister by being there for the rest of the family, and cry with them if they cry. Isn't that what she would want for you, for all of you?
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    Old 10-13-2019, 05:21 AM   #3
    MSNik
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    Re: Sister passed away unexpectedly

    Klynn1960, everyone grieves in their own way and this is still pretty fresh. Do not beat yourself up . I am sorry for your loss and its a horrible thing- but would your sister want you to do this to yourself?

    There are support groups at all hospitals for grief and loss- you might want to look into them. They are free and you will get some good suggestions on how to cope and be around people who DO understand what you are going through. You cannot expect your friends to feel like you do or to know what to say unless they too have lost a sibling.

    I lost my brother and it was horrible...and the only people I could really talk to were my family. Open up to your parents or someone who loved your sister as much as you did; this is where you will get the understanding it appears you are looking for.
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    Old 10-15-2019, 05:23 PM   #4
    klynn1960
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    Re: Sister passed away unexpectedly

    I just wish I had been there to see my sister and support my family.
    Yes, itís hard losing any close relative but being far away was an awful feeling.
    Most of my friends did not know her that well or not at all.
    My family does not talk about the loss of my sister much.
    I have her husband and a cousin who can relate but itís still a daily struggle for me.

     
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    Old 10-15-2019, 05:28 PM   #5
    klynn1960
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    Re: Sister passed away unexpectedly

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by MSNik View Post
    Klynn1960, everyone grieves in their own way and this is still pretty fresh. Do not beat yourself up . I am sorry for your loss and its a horrible thing- but would your sister want you to do this to yourself?

    There are support groups at all hospitals for grief and loss- you might want to look into them. They are free and you will get some good suggestions on how to cope and be around people who DO understand what you are going through. You cannot expect your friends to feel like you do or to know what to say unless they too have lost a sibling.

    I lost my brother and it was horrible...and the only people I could really talk to were my family. Open up to your parents or someone who loved your sister as much as you did; this is where you will get the understanding it appears you are looking for.
    I just miss her so much and wish I had been there for her.
    Where I live there are free support groups but there is a wait.
    Yes, unless someone has lost a sibling itís very hard to relate.
    Sorry to hear you lost your brother.
    I tend to need to talk about things so very hard without a lot of support.

     
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    Old 10-16-2019, 09:03 AM   #6
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    Re: Sister passed away unexpectedly

    Hi klynn,

    The way to recovery is to honor your sister by loving and being interested in the other people that she loved. There is no way to turn off sad or guilty feelings except to choose to dwell on other matters in life.

    Was she a person that wanted people to sit around and dwell on their failures or mistakes? I have not heard of anyone that can be in two places at once. You are just a human being. Your family knows that.

    Isn't it a way to honor your sister's life if you got together with family members and told them you wish you could have been there for them then but you are there now? Cry together and let the healing begin.

    Now your family must also probably be missing you. Don't hide out. Get out there and be supportive of them and cry with them. While you are at it don't tell them, but give them a hug for me.

     
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    Old 10-16-2019, 01:02 PM   #7
    yayagirl
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    Re: Sister passed away unexpectedly

    Dear klynn,

    I hear you; you miss her terribly. As long as you are alive you will miss her. It gets easier over time, but no matter who we talk to, it takes time for the wound from loss to heal.
    You might be surprised how many people we don't know have lost a significant other. Probably most of us have lost someone. What helps me most is to choose to believe that God's timing when He takes folks back from the earth is perfect and that He knows things we cannot see so taking my loved ones when He did was out of kindness and to stop further suffering.

    Are you angry at yourself or someone else over how it happened that you couldn't be there? Was it no one's fault? Maybe you are angry at God over the timing and loss. If so, He can handle you talking to Him about it, and in fact I believe He hears and cares and wants to hear us say what we have to say. He knows already but wants us to just say it to Him. Saying it outloud does make us feel better. We need to get that stuff out.

    It really doesn't take a specific person or support group for others to understand loss and sadness. Do you have any friends or a church group or Pastor you can tell what happened and how you feel? Do you ever pray? I think even just writing things down that no one else ever sees helps us put things into perspective.

    I used to write long letters to get out how I felt about things. It helped me a lot. You might want to write a personal long letter to your loved one. I think that it would help you to get your thoughts out.
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