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30 days and 3 deaths ... dealing with mom

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Old 03-28-2007, 09:22 PM   #1
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: salem missouri
Posts: 1
jess_x0x0 HB User
30 days and 3 deaths ... dealing with mom

Hi my name is Jess.. this is my first time posting here.. figured i would share a little about myself.. im sure i will be posting here regularly for awhile..

on Febuary 28, 2007 my dad at the age of 51 died from a massive heart attack. I was lucky.. up until then.. death had never really touched our family. For the past month.. i feel as though i have been walking in a foggy nightmare.. my dad and i had become very close after years and years of always being at odds..

9 days later his biological mom (who he had just reconnect with after being estranged from for years) passed away from multiple cancers.. (since finding out that she was sick.. he had an urgency to let us all know that he loved us and for that i feel very fortunate to have heard those precious 3 little words that so often go unsaid)

9 days after her death my grandfather (his dad) passed away from complications from Wegeners. Some say tha the death of dad was more than he could bare.

It has been a nearly impossible month to get thru.. at first i held up really well with dad's passing.. after the initial shock.. i played the part of hostess to all the out of town family members and decided to be a tower of strength for my 46 year old mother whose newest comment is wishing she could dig dad up just to wrap his arms around her one more time.

I feel like i have lost 2 parents really... dad obviously.. he went way before his time.. i feel as though he was unfairly snatched from me.. i weep for the fact that his grandsons will never truely know what a great man their pa-paw is/was. And i feel like in some ways i have lost my mom.. who is also my best friend... she is here in mind and body.. but the light in her eye.. the gentle smile she gives.. are all but a memory.. i almost feel like she is a pod person..

there are days when she starts to cry.. and for some reason i can not muster a single tear when she is around.. that i will tell her things that i dont even really believe myself..

i know that grieving is a process... that in time the loss of all 3 of these very influental and loved people will be come more tolerable.. but it doesnt stop the tears from rolling down my face at random times... i feel like a bubbling pot that is nearing an overflow sometimes..

i just wanted to vent/share



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Old 04-01-2007, 04:29 AM   #2
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Ke
Posts: 327
CoyoteBound HB User
Re: 30 days and 3 deaths ... dealing with mom


I am so sorry for your loved ones you lost. I know exactly how you feel because I went through the same thing too. I lost my Dad, then my oldest Sister, then her Husband and then my Mom and it is very hard to deal with it. Like you said, as time goes by it does get easier, and there is no time period for your greif so just take it one day at the time and thats all you can do. Sounds like your Mom is in shock from this. Just stand by her side, that is about all you can do and be there for her.

God Bless!

Old 04-01-2007, 05:24 AM   #3
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 341
cher1052 HB User
Re: 30 days and 3 deaths ... dealing with mom

Jess, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. It's not losing any loved one but a parent is really hard. I've lost my grandparents on both sides-my dad 18 years ago-and mom last year. I remember when dad passed mom never really shed too may tears for us to see-amazing how people have their way of getting through the loss of loved ones. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Cherie

Old 04-01-2007, 06:25 PM   #4
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Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Tennessee USA
Posts: 230
greenidme HB User
Re: 30 days and 3 deaths ... dealing with mom

Jess, you are in the middle of a very difficult time in your life. Being there for you mom is almost as tough as the losses you've experienced, I'm sure.
It's good that you can cry- even if it's "random" because you would surely have a nervous breakdown if you didn't! I admire your courage and will keep you in my prayers.
My ex-husband died suddenly at age 55 about 2 weeks ago. My son is almost 17 and is obviously taking it very hard. I'm also in a position of needing to be the strong one. My ex's girlfriend, however, is a mess and is leaning on me for comfort. It is awkward but I feel that my ex would want me to be here for her. He left everything to my son and she is freaking out about finances AS WELL AS grieving his death.
Keep on letting your mom lean on you and cry as much as you must!
I'm so sorry you have had so much loss in so little time.
Stay with us here- I have found it SO helpful!

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