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I am at a loss of where to go from here

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Old 04-16-2007, 04:09 PM   #1
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Oshkosh, WI
Posts: 2
helaine444 HB User
I am at a loss of where to go from here

I really don't know where to begin. I am 60 years old. My husband is being investigated by the criminal IRS for tax evasion and embezzlement. He told me months ago that he wanted a divorce as he had fallen love with some else - but he did not want to do anything about the divorce until his indictment came down.(hello!! - could be prison and lots of money). I also found out through his threats that I will end up with nothing - much verbal abuse and passive-agressive behavior. I started to do research and found out everything he threatened me with was not true. So - I started divorce proceedings first (about 6 months ago). In the meantime - I have basically been in bed for one year after 4 operations. Left hip replacement - and 3 back operations - the last which was a back fusion.

The business is family owned and my father started it. My husband is CEO and all three of our boys are in the business. There has been a major breakup within the family - all against me.

I have been on a spiritual journey for years - but that didn't begin to help me with all the losses I am enduring in this moment. My parents are still alive - but have 24/7 hospice care. There ages are 97 and 92. They no longer know who I am.

I have 3 grandchildren and my daughter - in - law refuses me to see them and my son (I honor his choice) has gone to his wife and her huge family.

I think alot about just giving up.
I would appreciate any advice you may have for me. I am in a major depression and it is hard for me to find anything worthwhile doing.

I would appreciate any advice.
Hugs, Helaine

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Old 04-16-2007, 07:56 PM   #2
Senior Veteran
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Atascadero ,Ca.
Posts: 563
kathryn+2 HB Userkathryn+2 HB User
Re: I am at a loss of where to go from here

I'm so sorry for all your losses. Grief doesn't only have to be about death . There are a lot of things for you to grieve about right now. Your health ,your marriage ,your finances and your children and grandchilden.. Sounds like a lot to handle. I don't blame you for feeling overwhelmed., angry and sad all at once. I really don't have much advice to give. I just hope you can hold onto your spirituallity through all this. Sometimes that's all we have to get us through. I hope you have some support system also. Friends or a counseler? Spiritual adviser? My thoughts are with you . One of my favorite expressions is one from my late mother. She liked to remind me that " this too shall pass". I myself am grieving for my mother ,my health,and the loss of a 40 year friendship. .It's hard ...but not as hard as what you are going though.
hang in there. .... Kathryn

Old 04-19-2007, 04:17 PM   #3
susan kay
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Haughton La.
Posts: 300
susan kay HB User
Re: I am at a loss of where to go from here

hi kathryn i had another dream about mom 2 nights ago. my dad brother sister and i were in the living room and all of the sudden my mom apperped at the thermastate in the hall and she had her hand on it and she ask us ;have yall been fooling with this ' ? and we looked at her and said no mam and then she came in the living room and she seemed to be transparent and then she started being more solid and i ask her if she had seen my cousin carmon and my uncle max and she said yes and then she began being transparent again and i started asking her mom i want to ask you one more thing what is heaven like and then poof she was gone. 2 weeks ago i dreamed she was at this podiem and then i said thats my mom and then i saw my cousin again and then some one i have know idea who they were they all gave me a hug and mom touched my hand and then she was gone . strange huh what do you think? susan kay but they were good dreams

Old 04-19-2007, 07:13 PM   #4
Senior Veteran
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Atascadero ,Ca.
Posts: 563
kathryn+2 HB Userkathryn+2 HB User
Re: I am at a loss of where to go from here

Susankay ...those sound like great dreams. It seems as if you are healing a little from your loss. I'm glad you had them.,and you could remember them..

Helaine...I was wondering how you were doing?

Last edited by kathryn+2; 04-19-2007 at 07:13 PM.

Old 04-20-2007, 11:26 AM   #5
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Charleston, SC USA
Posts: 79
Psimer HB User
Re: I am at a loss of where to go from here

Helaine, the last thing you want to do now is give up. Your husband is a rotter for what he is doing. Your children will come around. You will heal and start feeling better.

You are dealing with the pain of your surgery on top of all of this other emotional crap. I am bipolar and I deal with depression on a daily basis. I have found out that a support group is the best way to go. There are tons of them on the internet.

Then talk to your doctor and ask about an anti-depressant to help you deal with the stress. You are stressed out completely. And you need help.


Old 05-02-2007, 12:05 PM   #6
Junior Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Winnipeg, Canada
Posts: 10
kalaki HB User
Re: I am at a loss of where to go from here

Hi Heleine
I was wondering what has made your children take their fathers side? I am a grandmother myself and I am lucky to have a fantastic relationship with my daughter in law. I think I am closer to her than I am to my son. Its too bad that the kids cannot see that you are hurting. If I was there I would tell them that you are not going to be around forever and they are going to regret what they are doing to you. I think (and yes we all have opinions) that they should leave this mess between you and your soon to be ex to you two and no them.They are grown up and its time they started acting like it. In regards to the business I am not sure how that will work out but I am guessing they are taking his side because that is where their job(s) are and trying to find another one probably a little too much for them. But that being said they should NEVER not let a gramma see her grandkids that is unfair not only to you but to the kids. They need to grow up and think of their kids at the very least. Hope all goes well God Bless

Old 05-02-2007, 08:48 PM   #7
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: IN
Posts: 61
furrysnooky HB User
Lightbulb Re: I am at a loss of where to go from here

Don't let depression consume you or control your life. Take charge of your life and step up against your battles. You can win your battles and defeat your enemies. You can! Put enough strength in yourself and show your fist!
Plant these visions in your head and before you know it, you will win! You have 1 life to live and use it to the fullest and appreciate the gift of life. You have a life to enjoy and learn and love and laugh and cry and all the wonderful feelings and experiences we have to offer.

You are worth more than you think you are. Take lead and invest in things that you once loved and enjoyed: hobbies, friends, animals, beaches, forests, mountains, chocolate: Whatever made you happy once, bring it back into your life and you will feel better.

Please be strong and be a warrior!

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