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s0ulmate 07-22-2007 09:21 PM

totally lost
On Fathers day this year I lost my soulmate Alan. He had diabetes and had recently found out that he had a heart problem. We were told that they couldn't do a bypass, but with meds he would be fine. I feel so totally lost. We have a 16 year old son and everytime I get upset he gives me a bit of a hard time about it. I cry alot, I barely function at work. The loniness is overwhelming.

Psimer 07-23-2007 09:00 AM

Re: totally lost
It's going to be very hard for a long time. I would strongly suggest that you get your son into therapy. He is at the angry stage which is common after losing someone but he is going to need help because he doesn't have the life skills to cope with this.

As for yourself, it is hard. I lost my mother in April. My father has kept busy but there isn't a day that goes by that he doesn't cry for his loss. You may want to take some family leave time from work. It would give you a chance to really look at what has happened and then prepare for the future. Going right back to work was hard for me and I am a daughter. I had several days when I was at work and I cried. It's taken almost 4 months and I am starting to be able to cope again.

Take the time you need. Get your son into therapy so he can get some skills to help him cope with his loss. And understand that you are not alone in how you feel.


Jane_57 07-29-2007 05:58 AM

Re: totally lost
I am so sorry for you. My dad passed away in Mach this year leaving my mum whom they were married to for 54years. I sobbed my heart out and I seem to continantly think about him. Time is a great healer.
My son who is also 16 or my hubby for that matter are not that much help either. My son could not understand why I keep crying. Heartless so I thought. But everyone deals with grief in different ways. Read my thread. I was bad.

thaliak 07-29-2007 06:54 AM

Re: totally lost
Hi there!
I am so sorry! Grief is indeed overwhelming for the person who is left behind.
I agree with the other replies. Do try to get some help for your son, but why not for you as well?
It will help you to vent some of this pain and a specialist will show you that it is ok to feel lonely and sad and totally lost but will also help you find ways to handle your feelings better. And there is one consolation which you will find to be totally true. TIME HEALS.
It took me a long time to accept the loss of my baby and a lot less the loss of my mother. But both were very- very painfull losses. But life still goes on and you WILL find the strength to feel better. I would n't think that actually getting on with your work is hurting you. Actually it does help by getting your mind off your loss even for brief periods of time.
God bless you!:)

marshmallow 07-29-2007 07:33 AM

Re: totally lost
The pain you feel is normal and you have to go through it to come out on the other side. I lost my husband on the 8th of this month and I still cry and feel lost. I feel that way mostly in the mornings and late night. The worse part is we were separated because of abuse (he was unmedicated bipolar) I loved him with all my heart but could not live with him. It breaks my heart that he is gone now and we will never have a chance to be together. Hopefully the pain will go away for those of us mourning. I believe with any tradegy a person grows in understanding and compassion. Maybe we can reach out to other in their pain some day and be a help. We know the feelings of losing someone we love. I am sorry for your loss.

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