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Ex husband/best friend murdered, Help????

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Old 07-27-2007, 08:33 PM   #1
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: California
Posts: 158
kandr73 HB User
Ex husband/best friend murdered, Help????

For sake of rytyping all that is contained under this(the whole story)I copied and pasted this from the addiction boards. This is my first time on here. Im still reallly grieving over ex husbands murder, it will be a year on August 13(my b-day) Will it start to get better????? Please tell me it gets better...........

Ive been reading someof the posts on here and I wanted to give you a little bakcground that may help somebody. I was 17 when I met my first husband, did alot of drinking and smoking pot. After I met him he turned me on to crank and coke. We spent the first three years partying it up, until I had my daughter then I started to grow up a little, although I stilled used until I made him leave. He was the one with the addictive personality. I had always been able to quit anything at anytime and had done it everytime I got pregnate. I made him leave in JUne of 97. I thought maybe he would straighton up, if he really loved me and our two kids. He did jail time, and eventually put a needle in his veins(crank) I was working fuu=ll time and started using again to help meet out daily quota. You wouldnt even want to know the name of the company, one of the biggest in US.

I met my new hubby Oct 98 and we moved in together 2 weeks later. He has been a godsend. I at that time sustained a injury and started taking pain meds, I know nig mistake. And have ever since, althou I quit twicw while pregnate. My ex was in and out of troble for the longest time, didnt see his kids for like 4 years. Then he cleaned up.

He went into a treatment program. He started coming around alot. Staying the night to see his kids. He became my husbands best friend and mine. I could actually have him in my life sober. Although there was no attraction there anymore. He got done with treatment had 3 years clean, became a drug and alchol state certified counsler. Then he went out with this girl. fell for her and started using again. A month later he was kicked out of jis sisters house, and living with us. Two months later he was murdered by a homeless guy, over a bottle of brandy. We have been devastated. So believe me I know all about addiction. I just thought this may help the ones that are on here, this is what can happen. LAst time I saw him was on Friday night and I told him he had to stop usinf or he was gonna have to leave our house. The kids started back to school that coming monday. He said that Sunday would be his last day. He died Sunday morning at 1:00AM, on my birthday. August the 13th. We were notified first, I had to tell the kids. My little ones loved him as much as my older ones, he was like their uncle.

The funny thing is Ive been clean off street drugs for almost 9 years. And wouldnt do them if you made me. but I get the vicoidin from the dr, for pain so it must me alrgiht. LIfe SUcks!!!!!!

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Old 07-28-2007, 02:03 AM   #2
Junior Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Porterville, Ca usa
Posts: 13
Niki799 HB User
Re: Ex husband/best friend murdered, Help????

i miss him to mom...
so very much
know one will ever replace aguy like him
we all love him and he is whatching over us now
although it gets hard remember he is always here
telling you it will all be ok
its just depends on if u here him or not
i love you
and you are doing a great job at making it trough we all our
i miss my dad so much
everything will gte better soon

Old 07-29-2007, 06:42 AM   #3
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: earth
Posts: 1,329
marshmallow HB User
Re: Ex husband/best friend murdered, Help????

I am so sorry for your loss and understand so much of it. My story is different but yet similar. My husband was bipolar and refused meds but turned to alcohol and drugs. I had to ask him to leave our home because he was abusive and at times violent. I never stopped loving him and hoping he would get the help he needed but he died before it could happen. I tried for 9 years and still feel so much guilt that I didnt let him come home but in my heart I know I couldn't. So many emotions involved with the death of losing someone you love. I hope you can heal and know that he knew he was loved. People keep telling me my husband made choices and I am not responsible for them. We all make choices some right and some wrong but they are our choices. I pray your family will heal and hold the good memories dear. Again I am sorry for your loss.

Old 07-30-2007, 05:51 PM   #4
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: California
Posts: 158
kandr73 HB User
Re: Ex husband/best friend murdered, Help????

Well I feel really guilty. I knew what he was doing, and kept letting him come arouond. I finally told him and he said he would stop. But could I have put my foot down sooner, if I wouldnt have missed his call that Saturday eveneing of August 12th. Was he asking for a ride home. I am angry at myself, I am angry at him, and Im angry at God(may God forgive me) I just cant help it. Why was he taken from us, especially in that way.

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