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it's over

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Old 07-29-2007, 08:16 PM   #1
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Trinidad
Posts: 4
chriskenc HB User
it's over

It certainly feels that way. On May 15th 2007 my wife of 1.5 years died. I am 28 and she was 26. We were together for almost 11 years. Straight out of school first time everything.

We did every thing right, finished school, got our degrees, she got a great job at the US Embassy in our country. I got a good job at a bank. Bought cars, bought house, dream wedding, rings, honeymoon etc. We planned for all of this -by the book-, we were too happy and wanted for nothing.

I feel like I had the million dollar lottery ticket in my hand, and the wind blew it away. You know that kinda unconditional love? Had it, lost it.

It was sudden, after 20 hours in the hospital, she was gone. I never knew what hit me. Now i'm picking up the pieces, alot of them.

To make it worst, it feels like friends have abandoned me. Apparently some people are only around for the good times. Haven't heard from some of my closest friends in like 6 weeks, no text, email, call etc.

Has anyone else experienced this 'friend' abandonment ??

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Old 07-29-2007, 08:59 PM   #2
Join Date: May 2004
Location: New York
Posts: 5,807
goody2shuz HB Usergoody2shuz HB User
Re: it's over

I am sooo sorry for your loss. Even though you were married for such a short while you had so many years together that you shared. It will take sometime to get through this and pick up the pieces but you will get through it. There are stages of grief....the denial, the anger, the bargaining, and finally the acceptance.

You may feel abandoned but most people don't know how to make a person who is grieving feel better....they don't mean any harm but are paralyzed as to what to do or say. I am sure that if you called your friends and told them that you could use the company and their companionship that they will jump at the opportunity to feel as if they can do that for you. Perhaps telling them that you could use a lunch out or sharing a movie or going bowling to keep your mind off of things that they will come through for you.

Perhaps finding a support group of others who have recently lost a loved one will help you through this difficult time. Nobody knows what it is like to lose somebody other than another who has lost somebody they loved as well.

I send you ((((HUGS)))) and my sympathy with prayers that you will find comfort and peace in your heart knowing that your wife's memory will always be a part of you that remains.

((((HUGS)))) ~ Goody

Old 07-29-2007, 09:56 PM   #3
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 5
patty777 HB User
Re: it's over

Yup, I'm going through friend abandonment too. Family, too. This whole nightmare is showing me I need better people in my life.

I'm thinking of joining a grief support group....maybe that would help you too?

Hang in there.

Old 07-30-2007, 03:38 AM   #4
Junior Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Indiana
Posts: 35
jason74 HB User
Re: it's over

Hi Chriskenc

Friends change at times like these. You really find out who the good ones are. My wife (she was 29), died last year and most all friends ran. I'm not so sure its completely bad though. As you make new friends it signifies a new chapter in your life. It helps in grieving and moving on (eventually). While most people don't understand what you are going through, God does. He was my greatest strength and best friend through my grief.

I will pray for you


Old 07-30-2007, 07:55 AM   #5
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Charleston, SC USA
Posts: 79
Psimer HB User
Re: it's over

Your friends are greiving as well. Some just don't know what to say to you. Some are waiting for you to make the first move. Maybe it's time for you to call them and ask to go out to dinner.

It took my dad a good three months before he was ready to go out and do anything with anyone. My dad married the girl next door. She was 81 when she died in her sleep. He lost the partner of a lifetime.

But it does change. The loss will always be there but it changes with time.

If you are ready, then start calling some of your friends and get out of the house. Go out to lunch or dinner. Start being social again. It will help you to be around people and start talking about things besides your loss.


Old 07-30-2007, 03:37 PM   #6
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Trinidad
Posts: 4
chriskenc HB User
Re: it's over

I thank you all for your support. If everyone I knew could be as supportive it would go a long way, but I guess the reason you all understand is because you have lived it.

I have gone out, once or twice to dinner, a karaoke night, a club, cinema, it feels empty but its a start.

I moved out of our house and back with my parents, for what I hope is temporary, I still miss my home though.

God has given me tremendous support. A short story:
You'll don't know me, even though I attend church sporadically and live the "christian way" I am not one of those highly religious people, never read the bible and never wanted to in 28 years.... A month before this happened we bought a bible for our home, and placed it in the night stand.
The Friday before this occurred I told my wife I was feeling strangely compelled to start reading the bible, she thought it was so weird.
The day after, Saturday night at 9:00pm i'm in the dark on my bed opening it for the first time, reading from a book light while she slept.
The Sunday, mothers day, I spent another 3 hours reading the bible, while my wife was studying for her Masters exams. Monday night she got sick and Tuesday she died. When I look back I realize that God was preparing me for what was to come. It was too coincidental, now i attend church regularly and have put all trust in him. Without that little sign I shudder to think where I would be now, I might have gone the other way.

I also pray for all of you. Thanks again for allowing me to share.

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